I had to pick up my father’s prescription at the pharmacy today, which meant a lot of walking. It was only about four or five blocks from his apartment to the pharmacy but my ankle decided it wanted no part in it so rebelled. Then I guess the way I was walking to compensate, threw my opposite side hip out. I was not happy. I just wanted to sit and rest but I couldn’t because there was no place to really sit and I wasn’t going to sit on the ground. I get to his apartment and he isn’t there. I started panicking. He knew I was coming over. Then I saw his girlfriend coming towards his apartment. I was really starting to get worried. It’s not like him not to be home when he knows people are coming over. She went to the office while I waited in case he came home. Soon after she got on the elevator to go down, he came off the opposite elevator. I was happy but miffed. He says I should have called him, which next time I will. I see him every week at around the same time so I don’t know why he thought he could leave his apartment.
I had lunch over his place as he cooked and then I left. More walking to the train station. I was a little annoyed with the bus on the way there so decided to take the train home. The bus at the closer station to my house was late, which meant more standing on my already flared up ankle. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to walk the block and half home. But I sat on the bus and let it rest a little bit. It was a little better by the time I got to my stop but soon as I put weight on it, it flared right up again. I am not doing anything the rest of the day. I got my hair cut this morning and I had lunch thanks to daddio. I should be good for the next few hours until my stomach wants more food and then I will have to see if I really want to eat. I will have to go down the stairs to the kitchen which I know my ankle will just love (saying this sarcastically). I just hope I don’t have to go to the bathroom.
My father gave me peppers which I handed over to my mother. She loves green peppers. I do, too. She usually makes peppers and eggs which is alright. I used to love to eat them raw but lately, my stomach has been picky with raw vegetables so I have to eat them cooked. I don’t know why it bothers my stomach. I take a stomach pill that should protect my stomach and not cause any problems. But eating raw peppers causes me to get heartburn.
I started getting a little hyper this morning. I know I was really irritable when I was going to my father’s on the bus. The bus driver was being trained so was driving really slow and of course, every stop had a passenger to either pick up or drop off. Then we got to a busy square and there was a lady whose card wasn’t working. Must have been trying to make it work for more than five minutes and to me in my manic brain was forever. It drove me berserk because it held up the people behind her. I just wanted the bus to fricken go. I should have taken the fricken train but the bus stops near the pharmacy that I had to go to so I could do less walking. I was getting very annoyed that even Luke Bryan’s music wasn’t calming me down. I guess it was good that I walked as much as I did just to relieve the stress and agitation I was feeling, even though it caused me pain. I still feel annoyed and I don’t know why. I feel like I drank several cups of coffee when all I had was a cup of tea at like seven this morning. This manic stuff has got to stop eventually, right?
I took an Ativan because I am starting to feel desperate over my situation. I know that if I page my pdoc, she might suggest the hospital and I don’t want to be in the hospital. I am not homicidal or suicidal. I just feel really agitated and I don’t think they hospitalize you for that. I am not psychotic, even though I have been talking to my voices more. But they are my normal voices, not different ones. I am also not delusional or paranoid. I just am irritable and agitated. The most the ER would do is give me drugs to calm me down. I have drugs at home I can take. I don’t need to be in the ER to take their drugs or waste time there. I might take a trilafon if the Ativan doesn’t work. Least I am cooped up in my room with the AC on. I also took my pain meds for my ankle to calm it down. I am just so annoyed that I am in pain. Maybe the pain is what is causing the anxiety to shoot up. Not like that hasn’t happened before. I am just so tired of feeling like I am going out of my mind. I actually would love to be depressed right now because it is what I know best. I am not used to feeling like I am really nervous and agitated and anxious all at once.