I think I am a little hypomanic. I only had three hours of sleep last night despite taking 600 mg of Neurontin to help me sleep. I am wired but tired at the same time. I just walked to the post office to drop off some letters that I wrote to my therapist and my hip and ankle are having a tug of war as to who is going to hurt me more. I am not happy.
I keep thinking today is a holiday and it’s not. I called my physiatrist’s office and found out he is on fucking vacation so I can’t talk to him about how the new NSAID is working out. It is working out. I am finding that there is less pressure on my ankle than it was before. It’s still swollen but I think in time, the NSAID will help ease it, as long as I remember to take it every day. I just got to make sure that I eat something or I can’t take it.
Been getting reports that the MBTA, our public transportation system, has been having major problems today and then there was an accident in Sully Sq that caused the ramp on the major highway to be closed while it got cleared up. It was closed for at least two hours so I am sure traffic is a bitch. I can only imagine the trouble on the highway and the mess in Sully Sq. I tweeted the mess and then a news reporter wanted me to send photos. I am not going to take pictures of people, without their consent, and then send it to a news station! Plus, I wasn’t there. HEHEHE. I think the reporter was like, “no pic or it didn’t happen” bullshit. I also am not going out till this afternoon because the bus I need to take to the Square is severely delayed, which probably means that there is no service to where I want to go. So I am staying home, again. I might go back out and get pizza when the place opens. I don’t know if my hip and ankle are going to want to do it again. I don’t know why, but it felt like someone was grabbing my hip as I was walking down the street. It was very uncomfortable. I always have problems with my hip. I know I should probably go back to PT to get it strengthened. I think the muscles are weak because of my stupid back problems. It has been hurting me for some time now, almost 9 months. But usually if I continue to walk, the pain goes away. This time it didn’t and I am still hurting. I was walking with my cane because I needed extra support with my ankle. I didn’t want to put added pressure on it.
I would really love Red Baron’s single deep dish pizza right now. But I can’t go to the grocery store. I am going to do a big shopping at the end of the month when I get paid. Because I bought my glasses, I couldn’t do food shopping this month. It’s the sacrifices you got to make when you are on a limited budget.
I bought cookies yesterday, which I should not have done. I am eating them instead of meals. I will have like 8 cookies and call it my dinner or lunch. I am wicked bad with cookies. They are my nemesis and I am the cookie monster.
I woke up from a nap about an hour ago and found that my glasses have been delivered. I was just expecting one pair of glasses but got three. As I was about to check out, the next screen asked if I wanted single vision and distance lenses. I thought I had to order them separately with the multifocal lenses so I ordered them, not realizing they are separate. So I got three glasses but no instructions as to which pair was which. I had to call them and tell them I wanted to cancel my order. They told me that I could get 100% refund (store credit) or 50% on my credit card. I opted to return the two pairs that I didn’t need and get the 100% store credit. This way when I need new glasses, I have a credit and it will be easier to afford my glasses as I won’t be getting the LTD payments anymore.
I was going through some old mail when I came across a notepad. I took it to my room and found that it had suicide notes for my nieces and nephew and my psychiatrist. It had other suicide related items in it as well. I forgot that I wrote these things and judging by the other writings, I must have been in serious pain when I wrote this. It was in Nov. 2013. I had just finished an article about suicide attempters and their “longevity”. Turns out, they don’t live as long because they attempt again and succeed. I blogged about this and I guess this was my saving grace because I am still here.