it sucks being disabled

by Midnight Demon, posted in cauda equina syndrome, CES, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, depression, mental disorders, mood disorders, physical pain, psychache, suicide, suicide attempt, writing

I hate what my life has become. I don’t shower regularly. I don’t brush my teeth every day like I am supposed to. I just hate being this glob of a person. I miss working though I can’t anymore because it hurts too much physically. Plus it was causing me to have severe suicidal thoughts every day, sometimes every hour. But it at least provided distraction from being miserable. I have tried to do what is right but I just don’t care any more. I have given up trying to live a life. I don’t go out anymore unless I have to. I barely make it to my psychiatrist’s appointments. I have a hard time waking up in the morning. And though it’s easier to get it out of the way in the morning, it sometimes sucks because I will have nothing else to do for the day. I write about my miserable life in hoping that someone will take solace in knowing they are not alone in what they are feeling but I feel alone because I no longer have people contact. I know I should probably join a group therapy group or something to get me out of the house but I just can’t think of it and I do nothing. I try and read but my attention span is just not there. I try and play my Facebook games but they bore me now and frustrate me. I should probably clean my room but I have no energy to get out of bed. I keep my laptop on my bed at all times because I need its accessibility for my thoughts. I journal pages and pages of things that run through my head of a day of nothingness. It really sucks being disabled.

9 thoughts on “it sucks being disabled”

  2. Rock on guys! Mornings are Hell but if I can make it to work the day goes much better. It isn’t roses in my world. I have been more than two straight years with a constant UTI. I spasm so bad all night that I get little sleep. I just as well throw my money in the toilet as go to the small town Urologist. I have tried everything in the book and on the internet. I also suffer from pressure sores. And yes, I have held a loaded gun to my head on more than one occaison. Since I am still writing, my choice is obvious. Nobody close to me has any idea of what someone in our condition can go through. They continue to to tell me how well I am doing. If they only knew.

    You are not alone. So many others know what it is like. There will be a lot of days in living Hell. However, there is the occaisonal good day too.

    Kick paralysis in the ass and do the best you can. Find something to do that you enjoy or can learn to enjoy.

    T4 complete parapalegic for four years now.

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  4. that is very sad …..but maybe U need 2 focus on a bigger picture tho…? .is there something in this world U care about …? for example I care about about animals ….I also have depression but I know my furry feral bunch needs me ..it gives me motivation to do things …keeps me going…..I feed wildlife ..many yrs they are coming on and off same guys ….it gives me pleasure to see them happy 2 see there is water and food 4 them…..at times…….motivates me to make money ..I want 2 ease their suffering….nourished one very sick guy back to health this …..it gave me satisfaction…..we neeed people to combat the evil ….there are children and animals suffering , people living on a streets hungry without hope ….beautiful parks are being destroyed and polluted everyday ,tons of plastic are littering forests and beaches….U can do a lot of good if U choose to shake it off Ur depression and start doing something ….anything helps ….animal shelters needs blankets and food , toys etc ……world needs U ..!!!!!!!!!….(:

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  7. I feel the exact same way. It sucks being disabled. I want to be a part of something and make money like I use to. I feel for you. I know what it is like to feel the way you feel.

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  8. (Please don’t ridicule me if I don’t know what I’m doing on this site) This is my first time typing on this site, but you need to be resilient. Here’s the reason why you should never give up: (1) People with disabilities are often being Vilipended; (2) They’re selfish; (3) Theoretically pertaining disabilities to be burden, even though they are not (Normal people and their illaudable fame.); (4) Normal people has no potential! All the Compound Elements Discoveries in Biochemistry are never founded by normal people; (5) You’ve got Abraham Lincoln, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Albert Einstein, James K. Polk (The 11th President of the United-States. Before be became the president, from him being a toddler,to being an adult, he, too has disabilities. But, instead of him being discouraged, he has started to go to the library at the age of 18 and never stops even during his later college years. Having a degree in law-school in Nashville. Nine years later, he met his dulcinea named Sarah Childress, had seven kids, got married, end of story. Well… end of that story.), and much much more! (6) And thee most important word of them all———–, “Apperception.” I’ve believed in you! But not the eagles!! And one final note: I had a mental disability. And I’ll be wishing everybody with, either mental, or physical disability.

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  9. I also feel your pain. I am on dialysis. I’m 25. All my friends have houses and nice cars. I’m on about 20 pills a day. Life is frustrating. Even writing this is hard enough. I have no memory no friends no car nothing in life matters any more. I have turned to god for answers. People say at least I’m alive. I say it’s better to be dead than to live life like this !

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any thoughts?