Today has been a wash. I didn’t go to sleep until in the wee hours of the morning so I decided to take something stronger than Ativan for sleep. The medication has me so hungover that I have been sleeping on and off today.
I got really excited today. It took only a few hours for Amazon to post my book on their site. I am excited because I am ranked 66,188 on their best seller’s list! I am sure that will change but right now I am happy. My Kindle is in the 200Ks but will drop. For some reason after I dropped the price, the ranking went up. But oh well. I sold another copy today.
I am a stats geek. I love numbers. But I won’t know what my sales are until the end of the month! I am so saddened by this. There is no point checking my sales report constantly because unless they use createspace to purchase my book, I have no idea who is buying my book. But a different seller is posting my book for more than the listed price as “new’. I don’t think I will get any royalties from them, but if they buy through Amazon, I am golden. So far that is the only other place selling my book.
I had therapy today and told her that I was suicidal. I wasn’t active in that I would do something, more like I wish I wasn’t alive. I know I should be jumping for joy with the release of my book but I just don’t feel it. My friends and family have been supportive with the book and all, but I just don’t think I am good enough. I have been fretting over the book’s format, which is why it was taking me so long to release my book. It has been the small things that have been creeping in my doubts. Then we talked about her getting my book and I told her it will be easier for me to send it to her or give it to her in person than her trying to order it. She is not computer savvy. Course I didn’t help matters by sending her two wrong links. I got a little dyslexic. The numbers for the link were right, just in the wrong order (www.createspace.com/4546715). I kept putting in 4546517, which doesn’t exist. I hope she picks the right text and orders my book. She is dying to have it. I told her she could have one of my proofs but she nixed that idea. I don’t know what I am going to do with two proofs. The only difference is that one will have a copyright page and be formatted correctly, somewhat.
Now that I am DONE with everything, I don’t know what to do with myself. I have been tweeting like crazy and keeping up with the AAS conference. They are live tweeting there panels. It is really interesting and you get to feel like you are there. But I am still wondering what I am going to do. I was planning on working on my second book but I am so done with trying to format things that I just can even fathom doing the work for that, now that I know what goes into it. I will wait for the summer to start working on my stories collection.
It really sucks that I have to wait 60 days to get paid from either Kindle or Amazon. And that is from April sales! But I guess it is good in a way. I just have to remember not to spend too much of my earnings for tax purposes. The first thing I am going to do with my check is go to the Capital Grille and get a filet mignon. That will be my reward. I also plan on going out with a few friends and celebrate. I wish they still had the wootstock Farking Wheaton. I loved that stout. But I am interested in getting an IPA to try. I am not a beer person at all but Wil Wheaton is and been learning about beer through him.
In case you missed my previous blog post about the AAS (American Association of Suicidology), they have formed a new division called Suicide Attempt Survivors (SAS) and People Lived Experiences. I am so happy to be a member and a contributor to their SAS blog. I couldn’t sleep last night because I was so excited. It was the last initiative from the former president of the AAS. She was instrumental in creating the blog and had me be a part of it. I will be having another blog post sometime this month. I can’t wait for it to come out. I will reblog it on my site when it is out.