Saturday Blog 34

Saturday Blog 34

I woke up at a decent hour today. I knew my mother wasn’t going to be visiting my aunt because she is sick so I went downstairs to make breakfast. I had called my sister to find out if she could take me to Stop and Shop so I can get the stuff for the chicken wings and my prescription. She agreed. Hours later she came home and we went. I had just finished drinking my coffee.

I am kind of glad I went out today. It is cool but when you started moving around you got really warm. I was wearing a plaid shirt and got really hot with it on but we quickly went shopping so I didn’t take it off until I came home. With all the hustle and bustle of shopping, my ankle really hates me right now and I still need to cook the chicken wings as my sister wants them really bad. I just hope I have enough sauce for the wings as we bought four packages of wings. They are going to be really yummy. I am going to make it spicy with the habanero sauce. It will be the first time making them spicy, or trying to. Last time I made them a little hot but no kick. Got to try harder today.

I am depressed that my football game is not on a channel I get. But I have been getting updates via Twitter. It’s not the same as watching it though. Last night, I watched the Cubs and Cards game. That was fucking awesome to see Lester melt down. I don’t know why they kept him in the 8th inning and when he gave up the home run, I was glad Maddon fucked up to give the Cards the edge. Then his reliever gave up a 2 run blast and that was it. Game over. Cards win the first game. I really hope the Cubs lose the series.

I wrote my therapist a letter late last night. I told her all that I was feeling and such. Then I sent it to her. I know she probably won’t be reading it till Tuesday as she is out of the office until then. I think I told her also that if she doesn’t read the mail that I sent her (via snail mail), I won’t be sending her anything else. I told her I was very close to trying to find another therapist in my area, if I can find one. It’s so hard to find someone that is willing to take a high risk suicidal patient. I don’t think I am going to disclose being suicidal, if asked. It will just quickly shut down the line of communication and then I will be forced to try and find someone else. But something needs to change. I can’t always be the one to listen to my therapist. She has to listen to me sometimes, too. And I am tired of her telling me I don’t have any spoons left. Every fucking week I hear the same damn story. Get over it already. I wish what she was talking was psychobabble but it’s not even that. She just reiterates what I say, to let me know she heard me and then she goes off on how many spoons it’s going to take to do whatever is I am telling her. I wish I never told her about the damn spoon theory.

I’m going to have to take my laptop to the hospital. A wire is loose and it’s causing my display to become all fuzzy and then cut out. I have to adjust the lid. I thought updating the video card drivers solved the problem but it didn’t. Now I have to have the lid a certain way in order to use my laptop. Just so frustrating. I will have to do this and pray that by my next pay period my display doesn’t die. I have a friend in the business so I am going to try and take it to him rather than Geek Squad. My laptop is no longer under warranty and I don’t want to send it to Dell as that would mean I would be without a laptop while they fixed the problem. I still have my older laptop that I think still works but It’s been at least two years since I last booted it up. It’s much heavier than my current laptop and gets really hot quickly. It’s also much slower as it’s a 32 bit processor. But it works, least I hope it still does.

any thoughts?

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