in a fucking bad mood

In a fucking bad mood

I went to my appointment and it was fucking useless. The guy just told me to keep doing what I have been doing, there is no reason for surgery and nothing else can be done. Thanks and have a nice day. I was livid. Then as I was walking to the train station, my bad foot flared up. I couldn’t bear weight on it. GREAT!! I limped home and was sweating as I over dressed. I under estimated the damn weather. I get to my room and the fucking heat is on. I yell at my mother to turn it off. Open a damn window as it’s nice outside.

She calls me and I am already annoyed so I bark at her. She yells at me. I yell back. Fuck you. I want to order food but have no fucking idea how I am going to go up and down the stairs so I will just wait till my strong pain pills kick in. Not much I can fucking do until the pain settles down anyway, if it settles down. Three fucking days now my foot has been a disaster. It’s a 12 on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst. My Achilles isn’t bothering me at all, and I am grateful because the PA did a lot of pressing and prodding.

I emailed my psychiatrist to tell her what the guy said. I haven’t had a response and I don’t expect one. I’m in so much fucking pain right now I could cry. I woke up late so I couldn’t shower. Allergies have been bad all day so I have been fighting post nasal drip and the gags. I just feel really fucking miserable. I swear if I could take out my damn bones in my foot, I would. They are hurting me so damn bad. My foot is all swollen and now my ankle is joining in on the fun. I can’t escape from fucking pain in my left limb.

My friend texted me last night about seeing her daughter’s concert. She got the date wrong and it’s this coming Tuesday. I will go if I am not in pain. Hope this flare up settles down. I haven’t heard back from my PCP’s office about my medication. I hope I hear from him soon as I am getting low and I don’t want to run out over the weekend. If I don’t hear from them tonight, I will call in the morning because I need my meds.

I want to get a new laptop but I am not sure what to do with the one I am using. It’s still good and in great condition but I guess I am bored with it. There isn’t much I do with it other than go on Facebook, check email, Twitter, and write blogs. I sometimes watch movies on it, when I feel like it, DVDs though not stuff on the net. I am too afraid of downloading a virus or something with watching on the web.

Tomorrow I need to go to the bank so I can get my mother a Mother’s day present. I am just going to give her cash. Anything else and she won’t use.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to in a fucking bad mood

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    joy of fucking joy so sorry hon that the pain is so bad and the appointment was a bust. sending you lots of hugs and sympathy. If you need me iI’m around. xo

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