Shifting anxiety to self care
I have been on social media minimally all day. I just check what is going on and if something upsets me, I stop scrolling and get off. I haven’t been feeling well. I woke up feeling tired and then when I laid down, my ankle flared up and it has been that way since. I am in agony. I don’t want to do a damn thing. I ordered McD’s and that was all. Today is my sister’s birthday but I don’t feel like celebrating. I am just in a foul mood. The ankle pain is searing into me. It is awful. I took some muscle relaxers and my pain meds to try and get it to calm down.
I am listening to Mary Chapin Carpenter so that I can relax. I am so tired. I want to watch a movie tonight but I don’t know if I will. I am getting sleepy from meds. I took my night meds early because I didn’t want to wait. I only took them a half hour early. I had been taking them later because they make me sleepy. I think the Latuda is really sedating. But I don’t stay asleep through the night. I sleep for a few hours and then I am up for a few hours.
I purposely kept off social media as much as I can today. I don’t want to know about the election at all. I am already nervous because the toddler in chief has put in a fence around the White House. Results won’t be known tonight. There will just be guesses and I rather find out tomorrow if there is going to be a tomorrow. With my pain making it difficult to move, I have decided that I am going to watch the Aristocats tonight. It is one of my favorite funny movies. It makes me laugh. And seeing as I feel wicked depressed, I think this will help some.
I am really tired today. I don’t know if I will stay up to watch the movie like I hope to do. I am just so sleepy. Being in pain is so draining. It is wiping out all the energy I have. I have had some fleeting suicidal thoughts. I have urges to take a certain bottle of pills. I have been resistant but my nerves tonight is testing my patience. I just glanced on Twitter and there was something about the KKK’s state being red. No surprise but it still is shocking there is a KKK. This group scares me. There are worse ones out there but the KKK always makes me fearful.