Dry needling day
I was nervous about the dry needling that I was having today but it worked out good. I am sore and it did hurt but nothing compared to the pain I was in. I feel so much better and can move my arm better than I have been. I got heat on it now and am drinking a lot of water to flush out the toxins from the release. I love my PT. She is so good at what she does. I took a BT med before therapy to deal with the pain. I am glad I did because I am not hurting as much as I think I would be if I didn’t. The heat on it is so relaxing.
I started listening to Linkin Park on the way home from PT. I am still listening as I write. I miss listening to their music. Sucks that no new music will come from them because of Chester’s death. Their last album was so meaningful. I think it speaks to suicide prevention.
Working on check the facts, I should die. Coming up with I don’t want to live. Other people want me to live so I go on for them. I have a very ingrained death wish and I am not sure this can change. I’ve been wanting to die since I was eight years old. Suicide has been on my mind for such a long time. I don’t think I can ever not think of it when things are rough. It’s been more than a year since I last attempted. I have the means to try again but I am scared that I will fail. I fear that what I have is not going to be enough to kill me. So I just imagine going through with it and sleeping into oblivion.
My jaw is hurting me today for some reason. It hurts to open my mouth. I know I am clenching my teeth as my teeth are sore. I really need to see the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. It has been more than a year since I last went. I just don’t know if it is safe to do so now. I know I need to have my wisdom teeth extracted and a root canal on one of my top teeth. I am not looking forward to either procedure.
I bought BelVita breakfast biscuits because I like them a lot. My sister is telling me not to have too much of them because it messes up your digestive tract. My tract is already messed up so if it gives me the shits, all the better. I had to take Miralax today because I haven’t gone in a few days. Besides, if it was going to mess me up, I think it would have done so by now as I have been eating them nearly every day for the past two weeks. I think my sister is just full of it.
I need to shower and trim my beard. I might do this later today. My foot and ankle are not really on speaking terms with me today but I can still get around. Just hope I don’t pay for it later.