Another Actor suicide

Robin Williams death has touched me deeply. I have grown up with this man got all my life and now that he is gone, I feel an emptiness I cannot describe.

I feel that it is now my turn to commit suicide. I will be out of the hospital on Thursday. I have made up my mind. I am in a pissed off mood today. I woke up on the other side of the bed, or however the saying goes. I really don’t give a flying fuck.

The world is always dark and gray to me. I will never see the light or bright colors. I am too far into the abyss. I tried to get help but they really can’t help a hopeless person. I have too many wounds and they just like keeping Band-Aids on them. Like today, they wanted me to talk about my mother and my relationship with her. Its not going to change by a hospital admission. And don’t anyone dare try and tell me that they were trying. I know the system too well. They try to talk about it and then they leave you hanging dry with the emotions. They told me the would work on it later but I know later is never going to come.

I am in a dark place today. Woke up in a suicidal mood. Haven’t told anyone. I don’t even know who my contact person is tonight. Doesn’t matter. Come this weekend this will be over. I will end my suffering because it needs to end. I am too tired of fighting this illness all the time. Its too much for me to bear.

I will be writing up my will and testament tonight as well as the letter to my friend asking him to do what needs to be done so that my online friends know that I am gone. I just hope that he complies.

I have been in a Mr. Hyde mood all day. We’ll see if this changes tomorrow.