midnightdemons7

Cousin’s get together

My med alarm went off and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I stayed in for another couple of hours before I got up. I took my meds then went downstairs to pee. My sister barked at me soon as I was in her sight asking if I was going to the get together and if I was going to shower. Then we fought over the laundry as she put clean clothes in the dirty pile. I don’t know what she did with my niece’s clothes that were on top of the clean towels. I told her this is why we don’t have laundry detergent because you keep rewashing clothes all the time. She got mad and I didn’t fucking care. I also swore at her and she said it was Sunday. I don’t give a fuck, if I swear I swear. So that is how my day started off. I didn’t want to be with her but had no choice. I had to see my aunt as it might be the last time I see her alive as she is up there in age and she was going back to Florida.

I showered and then played my game until it was time to go. I had my outfit all picked out even if my pants were very wrinkled. To my surprise, they fit better than I thought. My waistline has decreased as the pants were a 38 and I still had room. I am probably a 36 now. I wish the scale was telling me something different but it is not. Last I checked on Fri, my weight had gone up, again. I don’t like scales.

I got dressed and then headed downstairs. My puppy came home a few minutes before I went downstairs so I didn’t have time to greet her. I did take a pic of her when I came home because she was just too cute. I fed her the chicken I made the other day but didn’t eat. I put in her kibble so she would eat both.

I was so fricken nervous about meeting my aunt. I hadn’t seen her in years and she definitely hasn’t heard about my transition to a man. She thought I was my baby sister’s son. She was shocked to find it was me, G. She must be having a little dementia or memory issues because she kept asking the bitch sister if she was her goddaughter. And who was I. Overall, I had a good time. The food was good. I took some home because there was plenty left. I talked to my cousin who went to Ohio State. He told me about how their system ran and also the University of Utah where he got his Master’s degree in architecture. We talked about college for a bit. I am so close to graduating. We also talked about getting the credits to graduate. He had earned the credits but because he didn’t have a major, he couldn’t graduate for his undergrad studies. I am trying to earn the minimum so I can graduate.

I got my homework done for my gender studies class. It was tough. I am glad I am seeing my therapist tomorrow. Lots to talk about because I have gained weight and am upset about it. I think I have an eating disorder of some kind but I don’t know what. I am feeling depressed even though I had an okish day. I am tired. I inadvertently had some sangria at my cousin’s. I thought it was fruit punch. It was ok but then the alcohol hit me and I was stupid. My brain was numb and I tried to stay awake. I just want to snooze.

Saturday Blog 03102026

I finally got to some sleep around 7pm last night. I woke up a few times to pee but for the most part I slept. I didn’t get up till about 3pm. My sister texted me and it woke me up. I figure I would answer it before she called. I had a cup of coffee but I wasn’t hungry. My stomach kind of was unsettled after the coffee and I felt dizzy. I had to lay down for a bit.

I got to do my schoolwork and I am not looking forward to it. I got triggered with the last reading for this class. It’s not a long chapter like the last one was. I got a response from my therapist about it. She agreed to let the professor know it affected me.

My appt with the neuro NP went ok. We agreed to try a new med and she is going to have the nurse look into why the Depakote had issues with my insurance. To my surprise, the new med didn’t cost me anything. I apparently got a coupon for it from the pharmacy. Score!

I am looking at my calendar for the week/month and it is sad. I don’t have the games in there anymore so it is looking kind of bare. I have therapy scheduled and a few doctor appts aside from my classes. I have a midterm coming up in my gender class. It is open book so I hope I do well. I have a family get together tomorrow. I am kind of worried because my aunt (why we are having the get together) has not seen me since I transitioned. Also one cousin who is going hasn’t seen me either. I don’t know how they will react and I am nervous. My beard has come in because I haven’t shaved it in a goatee the past few weeks. I just got lazy. My hair is growing. I have decided if I pass my first test for my history class, I will get shaved at the barbers. I found a place in my town not too far from the Square I can go to and it is cheaper than where I went before. I want the hot towel treatment and this place has it. Last time I didn’t get it and was not happy. He didn’t even use a razor to shave me. I won’t be going back there.

Body dysmorphia

Sox lost last night and I was upset about it. I couldn’t sleep until 2am despite taking a Benadryl and Ativan (at different times). My mind was awake. I didn’t know if I should read and what should I read that I would remember. I ended up just laying down to rest and somehow fell asleep within a half hour, 45 mins.

I woke up tired. I really didn’t want to get out of bed. But it was around noon and I had to because I had to pick up my meds and then I had therapy. I had coffee and half of a half sandwich that I bought yesterday. It was good. After session she sent me some sheets on activities that I could do to improve my mood. Nine pages. It’s a lot of different things. I decided to go to the pharmacy after 2 so I went upstairs and checked to see if I had homework for my networking class. I didn’t.

I went to the pharmacy and then my foot flared up when I got home. My ankle chimed in when I went to grab something. So throughout therapy I was in pain. I also had a sneeze attack. My allergies are off the rocker. I hate this time of year. Today was a pretty warm day. Tomorrow is going to be hotter. Then we go back to the 60s next week, with one day being in the 50s.

Honey was upset for most of the early evening. We fed her and then her parents left and she was sad again, wimpering and such. I went on the bed with her and her mom left some crime show on the TV for her. I decided to do one of my readings for the night so grabbed my book and then sat with her until she decided to lay in her dog bed instead of being near me.

The reading was about makeup and how women beautify their faces as well as what constitutes body dysmorphia disorder. Just reading about it, triggered me. I felt fat. I had made potatoes and chicken for supper but I just ate the potatoes. My stomach was full. I also had another cup of coffee so I could do this homework. Then one of my childhood friends posts that she lost 73 lbs in a year on the GLP1 drug. I was floored. I have only lost 20-25lbs in that same time period. I feel so fat right now. I took a shower and my back flared up. I needed to take one because it has been almost a week since my last one.

I am looking for another cell provider that is lower in cost per month than my current plan, especially as my current provider decided to increase charges.