midnightdemons7

Painfully long day

I’ve been up since 5am. I woke up to pee and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I stayed up. My CRPS pain started soon as I was fully awake. My foot bones have been aching me all day and feel like they are being crushed.

As I suspected, my pcp sent me a message about the surgeon’s appt. I need to get my blood work done tomorrow because the rest of the week is going to be super hot and I am not leaving my AC. I told them about my flare and depression being bad. Also told them I don’t have confidence in my psychiatrist anymore. Guy sees me for 15 mins and then schedules an appt three months later. What kind of care is that? My PCP sees me more than I see him. Eventually I will find a new one but I will stick with him for now.

I had therapy today. We talked about my puppy, who is home again but is down because her parents aren’t here. I have decided to take over for her care. I don’t know how I am going to afford it but I will take her to the vet and get her the care she needs. I am also looking for mobile grooming so she can get a bath and her nails trimmed. We talked about my psychiatrist and she was not happy with the appt being three months away. We talked about seeing someone else but I am not ready for change. I also talked about my pain and how difficult it was just brushing my teeth and then trimming my beard. My back flared up and I had to sit down. I wasn’t standing too long, maybe 15-20 mins. Lately my back has been acting up and I don’t know why. It keeps cramping on me. I can’t sit for long anymore like I used to. I am waiting to see my pcp to bring it up. I see her next month. I went over my appts for the month and forgot I have an ultrasound scheduled but I don’t remember why. I think it is for the cyst in my kidney but I could be wrong.

I felt ok after therapy. I felt validated for the things I talked about. She understood pain and she doesn’t want me to exacerbate it. I ended up taking pain meds because I couldn’t stand my foot pain anymore. My right knee is acting up for whatever the fuck reason. I hate when I get pain in areas of my body that are well. I did take a shower and had to sit after I washed up. I had to rest. I wanted a hot shower as it felt good. I rested on my niece’s bed and then I took the puppy outside. I stayed outside with her until she wanted to come inside. It wasn’t that hot outside because of the wind. It was 80 degrees but no humidity. A really nice day. I hope there is no humidity tomorrow. I don’t want to come home to need another shower.

Sunday activities

I slept late but I felt kind of wonky. I didn’t have a headache but it felt like I had one. I had my coffee after I checked the messages on my phone. I was hungry but I didn’t know what I wanted to eat. But after having coffee, it suppressed my appetite.

I did my meds for the week. I need to get more magnesium when my big check comes this week. Kind of sucks because the price has gone up. I can only get two bottles at a time now, unless they are on sale for a buy one get one free or half off.

I miss my puppy. She is with her daddy. He is supposed to bring her back but I don’t know when. Apparently, the other dog and her are competing for daddy’s affection and are fighting. I just hope she is eating ok.

Today was my nephew’s birthday. I finally saw him again. He will be moving back home soon. I can’t wait. I wish his mother was moving out. I can’t stand her. She is on my last nerve these days.

I have therapy tomorrow. I have been depressed the past few days. I can’t seem to get out of this funk. I keep thinking about my black and white thinking. I don’t know how to get past it. I go down this rabbit hole of thinking. I feel so bad and guilty all the time. Like everything is my fault. I haven’t left the house in a few days. I have been outside in my backyard. It is nice there. I need to shower. I managed to brush my teeth today. I haven’t been doing a good job at it. I need to see a dentist about my broken tooth. I don’t know if the tooth can be saved or not. One of the many worries I have been having lately. My biggest worry is whether or not I can get my groceries this month. I bought some stuff so I just need my Powerade and a few other things. I haven’t filled a grocery order in a month so need stuff.

My surgeon didn’t order a CBC to check my white count. I guess I will have to go to my pcp now. I am tired. I want to start reading the new book but I also want to sleep. Sox are playing but it is  a pitcher’s duel and I hate those kind of games. Makes the time go by but also eat up innings. Sox are leading 2-0 over the skanks. Hopefully we will keep the lead.

Saturday Blog 27062026

I had another flare up of CRPS last night. I slept very little. I ended up finishing my book, which ended on a cliff hanger so I have to read the next book now. I am starting a new book tonight, Leonard and Hungry Paul. It’s supposed to be good.

Today was sunny and bright. I had the curtain open and it brought in the sun which made it hard to sleep. I got out of bed and closed it. I need to get some duct tape and tape the curtains back. Now my room is darker and I like it.

I got some brain fog going on today. I don’t feel good. I feel really tired. Pain is tiring. I have my room at the right cool temp. I am not wearing a shirt. I wanted to be shirtless. I am feeling kind of sad today for some reason. I feel so useless. I haven’t been eating much the past few days even though I am hungry. Today I just had a bagel and two cups of coffee and I am full. I just don’t want to eat. I bought pizza the other day and was only able to have one slice. I had one for breakfast yesterday. I love cold pizza. It is so good. I wish my mood could be better sometimes. I rather feel nothing than feel depressed. Feeling depressed gets me thinking negative thoughts and feelings. I go down a spiral that is hard to get back up again.

I want to start the new book but I am tired and just want to go to bed. So that is what I am going to do.