midnightdemons7

Saturday Blog 15082026

I had a sleepy day today. I got up around 1 and had coffee. I had some pumpkin bread with it. Then I brushed my teeth. I cuddled with Honey after. I was trying to snooze again. I had put a load of laundry in and I had to switch the washer for the dryer. I washed my clothes as well as my niece’s.

I didn’t know what to eat so I ate nothing. I thought about making a PB&J but never did. I made corn and ate a few pieces. It was good, nice and sweet. I got another fucking headache today. They are driving me insane. I want to read but I can’t as it just makes my head hurt more. I am listening to music right now and it is soothing. Game is on and I am keeping track of it. I know if I listen to it, I will surely fall asleep. Sox are leading 1-0 right now. They lost last night.

I have been going to bed around 8pm the last few nights and waking up almost 12 to 15 hours later, minus a pee run or two. My suicidality flitters around. I have not acted on the feelings. My despair hasn’t been that great. I just feel hopeless this is ever going to end. It just goes on and on. Each episode is different. I am hypersomnia right now but sometimes I can not be able to sleep at all. I can overeat or not eat. I usually have some form of concentration to read but sometimes I just don’t feel like it because it just feels too much.

I needed to shave today but couldn’t do it. Just managing to brush my teeth was an accomplishment. My foot is starting to hurt again. I hope I don’t have to take pain meds again. I took some ibuprofen and Tylenol for the headache. I didn’t take anything for the headache yesterday. I wish I had fioricet. That shit works but they hate giving it out. Assholes.

My brain is fried today. I can’t think. I slept most of the day. Still depressed and at times suicidal. Headaches are still happening. Wish I could sleep and not wake up.

In a depressive episode

I met with my psychiatrist this morning and he confirmed my suspicions that I am in a major depressive episode. We talked about options and for now will be tapering off my antidepressant to try something new. I see him beginning of Sept for a follow up before he is out of the office.

I then napped. I couldn’t get going even if you paid me. I had coffee and some pumpkin bread that I bought yesterday. It was very yummy. But it didn’t keep me awake. I woke up in time to text my DMH worker to call me as I wasn’t going in. I never showered and I stunk. I also needed to shave. The talk with the DMH worker went well. She thinks I am ok. I couldn’t tell her otherwise for whatever reason. I will talk to her again in a couple of weeks.

I made lunch. I had a turkey sandwich. I couldn’t finish it so gave the meat to the pup. She was happy. I then decided to shave and shower. I knew it was going to be hard because my back started acting up while I was brushing my teeth. It is still bothering me now. I feel so sleepy I want to take another nap.

Baseball is playing now. Snakes lost and Sox are winning for the moment. There is one more inning left.

I have been feeling down all week. Sometimes, suicidal. Headaches haven’t been helping. I also have been feeling anxious, which isn’t like me. I think it was because of the steroids. Yesterday was so bad, I had to take an Ativan. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I went to bed early and pretty much slept through the night. I have been exhausted lately and I don’t know why. I also don’t know why I keep getting headaches. I hope they are gone by the time the semester starts.