midnightdemons7

Another long day

My sister was loud this morning. I have no idea what the fuck she was doing downstairs but I can only imagine it had to do with the pup. It was before 6am as her alarm went off and I literally stuck my finger in my ear so I wouldn’t hear it. I have high pitch nerve deafness in my right ear so I can’t hear the beeps. I got up around 630 to pee. I brought down my blanket because my niece hasn’t been home to make her bed. I figure I would snuggle with the pup and try and sleep. Didn’t happen. I didn’t bring my glasses or my phone down with me so I had to go back upstairs to get them. It was around 10 when I made coffee and because I was pissed, I ordered breakfast. After my first cup of coffee, there wasn’t much water in it so I finally decided to change the filter on the Keurig. So my second cup was delayed.

I had therapy. We mostly talked about the pup and then some anniversary and birthday stuff. I told her about my friend whose birthday is a couple days before my father’s. I miss him so much. I have had a couple of dreams about him lately, all good. After the appt, I went to try and nap with the pup again. She was all cuddly and now I smell like dog. My niece just gave her a bath last week so I don’t understand how she can smell again. Today was nice out so she went out on the porch for a while in the sun. The yard was too yucky for me to take her. Once the snow melts I will. I laid down a little bit too long and had to rush to catch the bus and literally just caught it.

Class was taught by a TA. The lecturer is out this week. So much for me seeing during office hours. Grades should be out sometime tomorrow he said. I am nervous. Also, today I didn’t get the memo that today was invade personal space day. On the way to campus a woman nearly sat on my shoulder and her hair got in my face. On the way home, a guy’s backpack was literally in my face. I had to yell at him. I hate when people don’t take their backpacks off and put them down by their feet. Just courtesy. I was so mad. And my bitch sister was texting ALL FUCKING DAY ABOUT THE DOG AND HER DAUGHTER. She annoyed me so much I wanted a drink when class was over but my alcoholic BIL drank my Jack. I am pissed. Now I need to get a new bottle.

I noticed today that when I am tired, my legs don’t want to work and I get short of breath very easily. I had to sit halfway to the shuttle stop. I checked my messages on my phone (I got another bloody text from bitch). Then I put my earbuds in and went to the shuttle stop. All I wanted to do was go home but the train was delayed and I wasn’t going to make the 730 bus. I had to wait a half hour for the next one. I stopped at the 7/11 for something to eat and drink. I was so thirsty. I really didn’t drink much except for some juice and coffee. I hope I can sleep tonight before midnight.

A warm daylight savings day

I woke up to pee around 7ish which would have been 6ish had it not been daylight savings. I took my meds and then went back to sleep. I woke up around 10 with my sister saying something to the puppy. She has been stressed dealing with her and I don’t know why. The dog is not a problem except for doing potty in the house. She doesn’t bark or act aggressive. She is a good dog. When the weather gets nicer, I will take her in the yard to run around.

I had coffee when I finally got up around 2. My niece was visiting her mom and I went downstairs to see her. My sister made steak and sweet potatoes. It was a good meal. I had a big glass of water and a half. I have been trying to keep up with fluids. I had felt kind of sick when I came back up to my room. I just had to lie down. I didn’t sleep though because I realized I didn’t do my meds yet for the week. My psychiatrist said it was up to me about the Latuda so I took a full tablet rather than breaking them in half. It was making me anxious on the lower dose. I think I got to find another psychiatrist as this one can’t see me frequently enough for me.

I see my therapist tomorrow. I hope this brain crushing migraine is gone by then. I really don’t feel well. I know it’s because I am dehydrated. I don’t know what I am going to talk about tomorrow with my therapist. Last week I gave her the history of how I got into the mental health system. It took up most of the session so we will probably talk a little more about it. My father who I had put on a pedestal until then, became the most pettiest man I ever known (felon excluded). When I found out he had lied to me, I never trusted him at his word again. I detested the man.

I got to go to sleep. It’s getting late. I’ll post puppy’s pic so you can see how cute she is.

It’s been 25 years…

Last night was the worst pain night for me in quite some time. I couldn’t sleep at all, though I tried. My leg, ankle, and foot was burning and painful so bad. It’s been 25 years I have been dealing with this. I had my first surgery for this 25 years ago. I didn’t think I would be able to walk again and it took three months for me to do it. It was hard. I was in pain and no one would help me because I was young. One doctor told me I would be in pain the rest of my life. I nearly had a breakdown after that.

I finally fell asleep around 630 or so. But I woke up like three times before noon. I got up and had my coffee. I made some food and then went upstairs for a nap. I didn’t really sleep, I just rested for like two hours. I have a headache. I feel very weird, like my brain is having a hard time functioning. My urine culture came back. I just hope the antibiotic I am on is susceptible to it. I will find out on Monday.

I have been dealing with heartburn most of the night and today. Everything I eat gives me it. I think it is the weight loss drug. I have been losing a pound a week. I am surprised with all the walking I did this week, I only dropped one pound. I am getting so discouraged. I have two pounds to go to 200. I want to be less than 200 by the end of the semester.

I guess I am letting my hair grow out. I don’t feel like shaving it. I haven’t done anything for self-care. I just don’t feel like it.

brain foggy day

I woke up around 7 to pee and then I took my meds. I didn’t feel like getting up so went back to sleep. I got up around noon-ish. I had a shit ton of messages on my phone. Apparently, a post I posted last night had many likes and reposts as well as comments. I have been receiving notifications on that post all day. After I played my game, I went downstairs to make coffee. I wasn’t really hungry. I tried to wake up but I just felt so foggy and sleepy. After I had my coffee, I laid down with the puppy. I stayed with her for a couple of hours. It was cold in my room so I didn’t want to stay there. The wind was still blowing. Luckily, we didn’t get as much snow as they predicted.

I have been on social media most of the day. I also played my game in between or when I needed to take a break. Lots of terrible shit going on thanks to Felon and his cronies.

I have been wanting to shave my head and shower for most of the day. I only managed to shower, which flared up my back. I hate when that happens. The shower felt good but the bathroom was cold so it was quick.

Yesterday my cousin’s dog died so tomorrow we are going to see my aunt who is a wreck about it. I haven’t seen her in a long time. I hope this brain fog is gone by then.