midnightdemons7

Baseball is crazy

The Sox fought until the 13^th inning to win the game. I love this team. I didn’t hear any of it and when I went to bed at 9, they were losing 7-5. Tolle is pitching tonight and he always gives up at least one homer. We are playing the Athletics tonight.

I didn’t do anything I wanted to do today. I feel really tired. I was in a lot of pain last night. I really thought about amputating my left leg. From top to my foot it was bothering me. I managed to get some sleep, even though I woke up around 130am to pee. Luckily, I was able to get back to sleep. I woke up again around 630, to pee again, and then I took my meds when I came back to my room. I thought about making pancakes as I have been craving them. I need to make them. It just takes a lot of energy. I sort of got up around 9 when my alarm went off for the weight loss drug. I got it from the fridge and then I weighed myself. I was a few pounds heavier. Ugh. I started playing with my phone as I waited for the drug to warm to room temp. Somehow the next time I looked at the clock said 12. I figure I would have coffee and a pop tart that I bought yesterday. It was good. I then had Reese’s Oreos. Those were the bomb of all cookies. I love them. My new favorite cookies.

I had therapy today. We talked about how I was feeling yesterday and what happened with my neighbor. It was a productive talk. She asked if I was suicidal and I said I was because I have been having low points with guilt and feeling worthless. All she said I needed distraction. I am like, what? I didn’t say that to her but I was thinking it.

I wanted to shave my head and trim my mustache today but after therapy, I cuddled with the puppy and I was done. She was whining to go outside. But it was too hot for her. I told her five minutes and then back inside. I don’t know what happened to her chew toy that was out there. I was almost ready to snooze when my bitchy sister came home. Puppy went under the bed. I don’t know why she has been hiding from my sister lately.

I went with my sister to do some grocery shopping. I needed bread so I could make a sandwich. I also bought some yogurt and sauce so I can make some spaghetti. I could make the sauce but I don’t have the energy to do it. I am now broke as I spent all my money on the 5 things I bought.

I am tired. I am listening to the game. They are winning 5-0 right now. Tolle is pitching awesome. I think I can safely go to bed.

Good deed

My day started early as I had to empty my bladder at 3am. The puppy was up and wanted some pets. She was wagging her tail and kept putting her face in my hands when I stopped as I was on the toilet. She doesn’t care about privacy. When I was done, I thought she went to the kitchen or her room. I closed the gate and went upstairs only for her to come out of my room. Ugh. I had to go back downstairs, let her out, then back upstairs to my room. Cardio workout at 3am. I wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon. Then I had a sneeze attack and that sealed the deal.

My sister came in my room about 630 for some ibuprofen. I gave her some, or rather she took like half of my supply. I stayed up and when she left for work, I decided to order breakfast and have coffee. I got a sourdough sandwich with eggs and bacon. It was really good but my appetite still is low so only was able to eat half. The rest I gave to Honey, the puppy. Not the bacon though, just the eggs. Then she went outside before it got too hot.

I decided to get my urine tested today so around 10 I left the house and caught the bus. The lab was pretty busy as there were no seats available. It was very humid outside and my shirt was wet. I waited till a seat became available. I had drank a bottle of Gatorade on the way in so I could pee. I had some urgency but was able to hold it long enough to do the wipes and then pee a little and then catch my urine. After that I went to the two different pharmacies to get my meds.

On my way home, I bumped into one of my neighbors. I asked how she was and she was frantic and very anxious. Her phone wasn’t working (no service) and she couldn’t find the app to give her a ride as it was a new phone. She didn’t know who she switched to she was so upset. I stayed with her trying to figure out a few things and used my phone to have her call her therapist to let her know how she was. I asked what I could do to help her and she said she needed to go to the psych ER at the local hospital. I knew where that was and how to get there. I told her let me put my stuff in my house (they needed to be refrigerated) and then we’ll go.

I got back to her and was sweating. I can only imagine how the heat was affecting her. I don’t know how long she had been outside being anxious, not being able to contact anyone with her phone being out of service. Anyway, I decided to take the Lyft to the hospital as the T would just make her anxiety worse. I went with her and stayed until they called her in. Then I left and caught the bus to the station home. I have a UTI so I stopped by the pharmacy again to pick up the antibiotics. I got to start two meds tomorrow, the antibiotics and the steroids because I still have the fricken headache from hell.

I had dysphoria on the way to the lab. I had “ghost” feelings that I had breasts again but I couldn’t look down and see they were gone. The feelings were so heavy. I felt like I was an imposter. But my neighbor friend called me him or he throughout our time and that helped the dysphoria and the imposter feelings.

I am completely tired but I am in pain. My ankle hurts a lot and I stubbed my toe on that foot so it hurts worse than it did. I wanted to sleep around 8pm but I am in too much pain. I took a trazodone so I hope that helps me sleep when I get to sleep. It has been a very long day.

Jumble of stuff

I have been feeling down all day. I have had a headache since last Thurs. I messaged my neuro when I got up today and through my pcp, she got back to me. I will be started on steroids soon as the pharmacy fills it. Unfortunately, they had to close early today for some reason. I hope the prescription will be ready tomorrow. I want to get some ice cream sandwiches when I pick it up.

I wanted to go give a urine sample today but I couldn’t get going. I let the dog on the porch and she was happily chewing her toy I didn’t want to bring her in. By the time she came in, it was getting kind of late and I had no motivation to do anything. I just wanted to rest my head. I wasn’t able to nap though. I was too anxious. I managed to brush my teeth after I had my coffee. I wanted cookies. This is another month where I don’t place an order for groceries. I have $100 left but I need it for books and meds. The professors for my counseling class and history class have not put in their book requirements. I feel like emailing them. I just got a book advance from the bursar’s office so that helps. I don’t know how to use it though.

My CRPS ankle is acting up. It has been bothering most of the week. I hate when my head and ankle hurt at the same time. Ankle is always worse than my head. I sent my therapist a message to see if I can see her Fri.

Sox are winning right now. They are playing the White Sox. They have won like 6 or 7 games straight. They are on a streak again. Just got to keep hoping the skankees lose so we can move up in the wild card.