midnightdemons7

Saturday Blog 18072026

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I just couldn’t fall asleep. I was tossing and turning. I couldn’t get the covers on me the right way. I eventually fell asleep only to wake up around three to pee. Then again, I couldn’t sleep. I ended up taking an Ativan around 6 because I had to pee again and then cuddled with the pup. I slept for a little bit. I knew my med alarm was going off. My sister came down and I decided to go up to take my meds. It was around 1030. I was surprised the alarm was still going off as it was set for 9.

I snoozed some more and then got up around 1. I had a corn muffin and coffee. The puppy went outside. It was so humid out. Luckily there were no storms as they predicted. It did rain. Game was delayed. I wanted to shower today as I was sweating and I stink but I still haven’t done it. I don’t really know what to wear and most of my summer clothes are in the hamper. I need to wash clothes. I don’t have the energy for it. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I also need to trim my goatee. I just feel so exhausted. My allergies are killing me today and the post nasal drip is causing gagging at times.

Earlier today, the pup was sorting herself and landed on my bad foot. I was in immediate pain. The pain has gotten worse since. My bowels had just barely gotten back to “normal” and now I need to take my pain meds which is going to fuck them up again. Sox are losing. I am ready to turn off the game that I am listening to so I can read before bed. I am getting tired. I am trying to stay awake. Just hope I don’t get overtired.

Fuck it Friday

I had to install updates on my laptop twice today. I was not happy, but then, I have been in a mood since I woke up. I had to get up because of my appt which I decided not to go to because I got up late. I literally had 15 mins to get ready to catch the bus and I hadn’t even brushed my teeth yet. And shit I forgot to take my weight loss drug. Dammit Beevus. I was going to take it when I had my coffee but I forgot. Been forgetting things lately and I don’t like it. But I have so much going on in my head it is hard to remember everything.

As was predicted, Felon lied his ass off about the election he lost six years ago. The man can’t let it go and wants to corrupt every election from now on so only Republicans win. I got mad. Shut the app off then got mad at everything. Like all the anger I have been holding on to just came bubbling up. I had a corn muffin with my coffee and tried to bring my anger down some. I wanted to call the clinic and tell them I wasn’t showing up but I didn’t. I was in a mood and it was best not to talk to anyone.

I had a few hours to kill before therapy so I shaved my beard off and made a goatee. It needs a trim but I don’t care. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to also shave my head. My beard length and hair length were about the same. I think I will let my hair grow a little longer and then take it off. I really want to go to the barber to have it done so I don’t miss a spot in the back. Also will get my neck cleaned up with it. But I don’t have the money for it. I miss going to the barber. It was a good time to shoot the shit and stuff.

Therapy was kind of hard as I was in a mood and not in a very talkative one. She wanted to know more about the anger as I didn’t mention it Monday. I said it was everything and stress about finances and stuff. I told her how hard it was going grocery shopping yesterday and how stressed I was afterwards. I had some PTSD stuff happen when I was home. I got scared and felt like something bad was going to happen. I also had anxiety through the roof. We talked about black and white thinking but didn’t really get into it. She said it was just a term and she said she wouldn’t use it anymore if it bothered me. It doesn’t really bother me I am just shocked I am still thinking that way even though I thought I was doing better to be in the gray area of things. But I guess I do have extremes in my thinking. I told her my pain was better and she was relieved. I had pain last night and while talking with her. The ceiling fan caused my foot to be cold. It has been warm and cold all day. Driving me nuts. It is currently cold again. Last night I took gabapentin and Ativan. I wanted to take some pain meds but my bowels are still fucked up from earlier this week. I just had a bowel movement that felt like I was in labor. I had to push so hard to get the stuff out. I hate that.

I am keeping track of the game. They have won 10 in a row and currently lead their second game. Getting closer to 500!! I am going to read my book and check the score in between chapters. I have to return it next week so need to be read this weekend. I am almost done with it. I think I have just three or four more to read.

Hot and tired

I forced myself to stay in bed until my cousin called me. He was going to take me food shopping. I had already taken my meds around 8 when I had to get up to pee. Honey was on the mat by the back door. She loves the heat. When I got up, I let her out and immediately got blasted by heat.

I had my coffee but didn’t eat anything. I wasn’t really hungry. My cousin called again saying he had to go to the bank and then would pick me up. I said fine, I had to get dressed anyway. I went upstairs and found crap by my door. I don’t know how she snuck by me to go upstairs but she did. I cleaned up the mess and then got dressed. My nephew is trying to teach her to tell us when she needs to go potty. Apparently we have been underfeeding her. My poor baby. She doesn’t like the kibble we give her unless it is with rice.

I was feeling fine when my cousin came and we went to the store. Then after we were shopping and I fretted over the cost (more than I had), I was in a mood. I was wicked tired. I helped my cousin load his groceries to his car. I only had one bag but I pretty much got what I needed. The only expensive thing I bought was the ice cream. Always the ice cream. My cousin got me an iced tea after. I felt kind of migrainey. I took some Tylenol when I came home. I need to get more. I also drank a whole Powerade as I have been doing shitty drinking fluids lately.

I got a call this morning reminding me I have an ultrasound tomorrow. I can’t eat or drink anything for six hours. I am going to bring a sandwich with me. Hopefully I will be up early enough. I have therapy in the afternoon. For some reason when I got home, I felt scared. I know it was anxiety but I don’t know why it happened. The puppy keeps barking loudly at my nephew though now that he has been feeding her, she isn’t barking as much. He is trying to get her on a potty schedule that isn’t our kitchen floor or the upstairs hallway.