midnightdemons7

A shower can help so much

My puppy got me out of bed this morning at 9am. She was crying for my attention, literally. I petted her and went downstairs for coffee. As I was making it, I realized I stunk. It has been a few days since my last shower. I had planned on taking on yesterday but never had the energy to do it. So after my coffees, I got my clothes together. I went out on the porch and shaved my head as I needed a haircut. Then I took a shower. It felt so good. I used the body wash stuff that smells nice.

My sisters are in Maine for the weekend. It is just going to be me and the pup unless my niece comes home. I texted her but got no response, which is the usual. The bitchy sister did the pans and stuff I left in the sink last night. I was thankful. But she fed my burger to the pup and I am so mad at her for that. The puppy hasn’t touched her dog food the last few days because she is being fed human food.

I guess I will be eating my casserole instead of a burger tonight. I have to thaw another one out. I am so tired and got a headache. I just had my third coffee of the day. I made it iced because it is warm out. I had to shut my AC off because it is cold in my room. The wind is not making today very warm. I don’t know if the tornado hit or not. I haven’t heard anything. I went to bed around 8 last night as I got a headache and was tired from being up early. The past few days I have been up before 6am. I think it is because I have been going to bed before 10pm. My pain today has been ok. I haven’t had any sneezes so far but my allergies is making my nose run.

I got a call this morning from my long term disability insurance. They received my paperwork but not my PCP’s. They did their annual phone interview with me then after I sent a message to my pcp about the paperwork. I don’t know if the office is open today or not because I didn’t get a response. Today is Juneteenth, a holiday I don’t understand because the Civil War was over in April of 1865, after the 13^th amendment got ratified in Congress. Slavery was ended. So I don’t understand why when the union army entered Texas on June 19^th 1865, they just didn’t use the 13^th amendment instead of the Emancipation Proclamation.

I am really sad and I don’t really know why. I had a meeting with my therapist today and we talked about the song and my mother and being trans. We also talked about crying and how hard it is for me to do it. The last time I cried was the day my mother died, three years ago. I know there was a time I cried because I was happy but that was baseball related. There also was another song, someone you loved by Lewis Capaldi. Such a moving song it had me in tears the first couple of times I heard it. Now I am listening to it because I forgot what it sounded like. I like that I can find it quickly because it is on my most listened to playlist.

Cooking and tornado warnings

I got up around noon today feeling kind of good until I had a sneeze attack when I was in my kitchen. My abdomen started hurting again. It is just a mild pain now so I think the worst is behind me. My sister left me a note to cook the chicken I had taken out for my casserole for the puppy. She even left me a bag of rice to cook for her. But I needed the rice and chicken for my casserole. I did give some chicken to the pup. I worked on my casserole while I was talking to my DMH case worker.

The casserole came out awesome. Some time after it was done, I got a text saying there was a tornado warning in my area. It is currently very windy and rainy. I am glad the ballgame is over. They are supposed to leave for Seattle. I don’t know if their flight will be delayed because of the weather.

I mostly hung out with the pup today. We sat on the bed and cuddled. She didn’t know what to do with the wind. It was making her anxious. She kept going out only to come back inside. She also kept walking around the kitchen. I was cooking so I think she just wanted some food. She hasn’t been eating her dog food. But has been drinking water and treats.

Last night I felt a little down because I was in pain again. Seems every day I am dealing with some kind of pain. Being anxious for most of the day didn’t help. I ended up taking some Ativan last night with my night meds. I listened to music until my head couldn’t listen anymore and needed sleep. I think I drifted off sometime around 930pm. For the most part, I slept through the night. I think I got up once to pee but was able to get back to sleep. I had weird dreams. I am glad I am seeing my therapist tomorrow. I want to talk to her about some stuff that has come up since the last time I saw her. There is a song that I love that really has resonated with me between being trans and how my mother treated me all my life.

Got stuff done

I’ve been up since 430am. I woke up to pee and couldn’t go back to sleep. I got up soon after my sister left for work. I had my coffee and tried to get the puppy outside. She did go but ended up pooping in the house anyway. She hasn’t peed yet and she has been out a few times. I think the wind is making her anxious because she keeps going around in circles and then wanting to come in the house.

I was able to take down most of my recycling. I took down like six bags. One is still in the kitchen because I had brought it down but forgot about it. I took out the smelly trash and my trash. I must have gone up and down the stairs at least eight times. I am tired. My back hates me. It has been flared up the last couple of days for whatever reason and today just threw it in spaz mode. I was not carrying anything heavy (they were all empty bottles of Gatorade or old mail) but I hate stairs. My legs are going to be sore later.

I tried snoozing with the puppy but she kept moving and then would snooze and have these jerks of her body. It was hard to sleep with that going on. I did get a cute puppy eyes pic of her. This is after I told her let’s go outside. She is so stubborn.

I wanted to make my casserole today but couldn’t find the energy. It is a lot of work but it is so good. I will try and make it tomorrow. I have the chicken defrosted. I was tempted to make a roasted chicken breast for dinner but had hot dogs instead. The puppy wanted some but I told her no. I did make her eggs this afternoon when I had my lunch. I shared that with her. She loves eggs.

I am tired. I don’t know if I am going to listen to the ball game. They lost last night and I don’t know the pitcher that is pitching tonight if it is worth it. They are up against Scherzer who is having a terrible year so maybe they can beat him. I need to read my book though. I meant to read it yesterday after my psych appt but never got around to it because of the back cramps. I had to lie down for a bit. I am feeling anxious for some reason. I had palpitations earlier today. I don’t know why I am nervous. Maybe all the up and down stairs messed with my system or something. I need to shower as I have been sweaty today. The air has been humid even though outside is nice. Just feels stuffy in the house. I had to turn on the AC in my room because it was almost 80 degrees.

My abdomen pain has been ok so far. Sneezing still hurts me though not as bad as last week. It is more of a dull ache now. I think resting has been helping the pain go away. I just hope it is gone by the time I see the surgeon next week for follow up. I don’t want this lingering.

My Sox suck

The Sox are breaking me. They are losing again tonight. I stopped listening after the 4^th run was scored. Taylor time.

I had two cups of coffee today and I am still burping it up. I had an appt with my psychiatrist that lasted about ten minutes. It was like a hi and bye visit I swear. There wasn’t really much to talk about. My depression is okay at the moment. PTSD symptoms are in check. My sleep is still fucked but I am sleeping.

I have been tired most of the day. I didn’t get anything done that I wanted to do. My pain is better. I am having a little discomfort but it is minor. It is not as bad as it was this weekend. I finally think I am on the mend. I tried a few times to nap but nothing came of it.

I am going to try and get the recycling downstairs tomorrow. I think three trips will get most of it out of my room. I am out of Gatorade right now. I need to go to the store and get some more. I also need to go to the post office and get my book out in the mail for someone. I think I will do that on Thursday.