midnightdemons7

Tiring Friday

I slept pretty ok, waking up only twice to pee. I was wicked tired. I had weird dreams. My foot started acting up when I woke up. I got up around noon because I had to get my vaccinations for flu and covid at the pharmacy as well as pick up my meds. I also wanted to drop off my sharps at the collection box. I had my coffee because I wasn’t leaving the house without a cup. Then I brushed my teeth. It was too late to shave or shower so I was stinky.

I got to the bus stop and thought I missed the bus but it was just a little behind. I had to carry my sharps until after my vaccine shots and picking up my meds because of this. They give you a fifteen minute lee way and I didn’t want to be too late. I was thirsty so got something to drink and they had Reese’s oreos so I grabbed a package of that. Then I went to collection box. The walk to the bus stop was further than I thought it was. It was hot out and I was sweating. I was finished with the Gatorade thing I bought and wished I bought some water to go with it.

I went to the other pharmacy to get my weight loss drug and some milk for the cookies. I also got some water because I was thirsty again. I came home. I didn’t see my neighbor that I helped a few weeks ago. I wish I put my contact information in her phone. Or her notebook. I really hope she is ok. The puppy was all over me soon as I walked in the door. She is too funny. My shirt was soaked and I just wanted to sleep. I was so tired. My foot and ankle hurt so bad right now. I don’t know what I am going to do. I need a shower and a shave but I don’t think it will be today.

I was able to order my groceries and I was happy about it. Until one of my credit cards sent me a message that payment was due. Oops. I forgot about it. There is nothing I can do. I don’t have the money for it. I will try to pay some when I get paid next. I feel like such an idiot forgetting a payment. But the important thing is I got my groceries! They will be delivered tomorrow.

I gained a few pounds since the last time I weighed myself. I am still in the low 190s. I should be less next week. I think holding on to all the stool is what brought it up. I am still constipated. But I had to take pain meds this week because of my ankle. I still feel full. Even when I had that Gatorade drink I felt full and I didn’t even eat anything but a bite of the zucchini cake and my coffee. The zucchini cake is not good. I think because the zucchini was too watery it made the cake gooey and I don’t like it. No one has been eating it but me.

Too much

This might be a little cranky because I have not slept in more than 24 hrs. I am stressing over my finances. I don’t know if I have enough to cover everything because I was short at the start. I will find out tomorrow when everything clears. I feel like  a real loser. I just want to die and can’t find a reason to stay. I feel like my family hates me and would be better off if I wasn’t here.

I have tried to sleep today and no matter what I did, I couldn’t. I was in a lot of pain last night with my foot and ankle. This is the second time this week it has flared up. Only thing I can think of is the drop in temps. It went down to the 60s last night. It was nice but my room was still hot so I had to put the AC on. I was listening to music for most of the night until 2am and then I decided to read my book. It got a little complicated so I couldn’t read much. My brain just couldn’t hold on to what the material was talking about and I thought about my own racial biases growing up. I didn’t know what calling a Latino person a “spic” was wrong. Maybe I did deep down but everyone called them that like no problem. We, well, I wasn’t friends with that crowd. My sister was so I guess she knew. I never said the word outside of the house. We had Puerto Ricans move in the last year or two before we moved out. It was not good. They brought bugs and they smelled and they didn’t care. They listened to loud salsa music all the time. It was awful.

I didn’t shave or do anything today. I felt like I was in a haze. I laid down in the afternoon and lost track of time. It was close to five and I was like where did time go? I’ve just had interest in playing my game. I haven’t been on social media that much. Game is about to start but I am going to go to bed before I do something stupid. I just don’t feel right right now. I feel really sad. I didn’t get my meds. I will have to go in the morning.