lots of do nothings today

Lots of do nothings today

I woke up at a decent hour. I thought my mother would leave the house so I could make pancakes undisturbed but she was watching my niece. I was in minimal pain but decided to rest it as I knew when my groceries came later this evening, it would be stressed.

I tried to rest but I kept getting alerts on my phone. It was annoying. I just ended up playing with my phone. I did catch a nap a couple of hours before the groceries came so that was good. I really didn’t do anything except empty my recycles.

I meant to call the dentist today but I never did. No one called me today so I might have to call next week. Tomorrow I see my psych and I know I am going to be tired when I come home. I have to get up early. I think I will catch the 0850 bus so I am not too early.

I wanted to read today but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I brought up my Kindle so I could charge it and maybe read some Dostoevsky. I have 2 books left in the book overall plus three chapters of the epilogue. When I am done, I am not opening this book again for a good few years! It’s a collection of his books in one Kindle book. I thought I would be able to get through it but it’s taken more time than I thought. I was hoping to get through some of it this month but that didn’t happen.

My groceries came and everything I ordered was delivered. I forgot I had ordered cheesecake so that was a surprise to me. I can have that later if my sweet tooth calls. I am really tired and I just want to take my meds and go to sleep.

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Better Man

Better Man

This song is by Little Big Town. The song speaks to me. It reminds me so much of my deceased father. I have been listening to it on repeat for the last half hour. It is written by Taylor Swift. I love this song so much.

I am in a lot of pain right now, physical pain. My ankle is going berserk on me. I think I did too much and now I am paying the price. I feel tired but my PTSD anxiety has kicked in so I can’t rest. I am waiting for the Ativan to kick in so I can relax. I am also hoping music will help. It worked before, though I was listening to a new radio station that I found. But I like it when I have songs on repeat. It calms me down.

To my blog reader Mari, thank you for finding the Vaseline advanced therapy lip balm. The order finally came in and I am using it tonight. I hope it works and heals my lips. I wasn’t able to find it in the store anywhere so Amazon was a good find!

Another day has come and gone and still no word from that therapist I left messages to. I think it’s awful that she hasn’t returned my phone calls. Some kind of professional she is. So I am again left without a therapist. For the third week in a row. I have my psychiatrist but we don’t do therapy. We just talk about things. She is trying to help me. But I feel like I am too much for her. I have been keeping in contact via emails. But lately, if I don’t answer her emails, she will call and check on me.

I want to read the latest Neil Gaiman book, Norse Mythology. But I am so drugged right now that I don’t think I can read. I just want to sleep. I was thinking tonight that I find it funny that I am using my Maya Calendar bookmark for the book. In a Norse book. Maybe it’s just the meds that I find this funny. I was going to tweet it but I don’t think I can keep it under 140 characters. I will try some other time when my head is a little clearer.

I changed songs to Sober Saturday Night by Chris Young. It’s the kind of song that has me thinking of my therapist. Lots of good new tunes that are striking a cord with me. Anything to help me heal from losing my therapist would be helpful right now. It still hurts a lot not having her in my life. Last week when I was with my psych, I started crying about her. I tried to contain myself but the hurt came out. I couldn’t help it. She was a big part of my life and now she is gone and I have no one to help process this besides my psychiatrist. One day I will blog about it. But that isn’t today. It isn’t now.

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got a lot done today

Got a lot done today

I woke up in the early morning hours. My foot started hurting soon as I was awake so I took some pain meds. I didn’t feel drowsy right away so I did some shopping online. I bought my groceries and a new pair of glasses as my current prescription is getting hard to see. I hope I didn’t over spend as I took a withdrawal from the ATM to get my haircut.

I went back to sleep and wanted to make pancakes when I got up but the bus was coming and I didn’t want to wait an hour for the next bus. I got dressed quickly, thinking it was 30 or so degrees. It was 55 degrees and I was sweating by the time I got to the bus stop. I usually check the temp before leaving the house but today I didn’t. I took off my jacket and stuffed it in my bag. I had breakfast at Starbucks with my coffee. I then went to my PCP’s office to pick up my prescription. I am glad they had both meds available. Saved me a trip.

I went back to the square to get my haircut. There was like an hour wait but I didn’t mind. I really like this barber. I always get a good cut. We chatted while he cut and we always enjoy each other’s company. It’s a good relationship. I then waited for the bus to go to the pharmacy to get my meds filled. There wasn’t a wait so they filled it fast. I was grateful because my ankle had started to flare up on me and it was more than 12 hours since my last dose of pain meds so I was starting to feel the effects of no meds. I didn’t think I would be out that long. I came home and drank some water and took my meds. I then waited to stop feeling dizzy before I made some oatmeal for supper.

I risked taking a shower and just about when I was done rinsing off, my foot cramped up on me. I still had to dry myself off. I was hurting really bad. It fucking sucked. But I had to wash my hair to get the excess hair off or I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I quickly dried off as fast as I could. I then got the oatmeal and ate it while putting my foot up. That helped ease the pain a little bit. Until the pain got worse, I was in a good mood. Now I feel lousy. I am trying not to let it ruin the day because I did a lot in a short period of time. And the weather was good, even though I didn’t dress correctly. I hate that but it happens. Tomorrow it’s going to be 61 degrees out. I will try and go to the Post Office early in the morning and then maybe get to Starbucks if I time the bus schedule right. My grocery delivery isn’t until the afternoon so as long as I am home by then, I should be good.

I had to order more oatmeal as I only have one package left. I wanted to get cocoa puffs but they never really fill me up and then I am hungry an hour later. I think I am going to order meatballs, too. I can make a marinara sauce on Sunday and have spaghetti with meatballs. That will be good. I haven’t made a plain marinara sauce in a long time. I love making sauce. It’s one of my favorite foods.

My mother has an infection on her foot. Her foot is very swollen and one area she squeezed and pus came out. She is on antibiotics. I asked if she needed anything before I went upstairs because my foot was hurting and she gave me an attitude. I told her it was a nerve injury and that what I am doing is all that can be done. She didn’t want to hear it. I don’t know why I bothered. What killed me was that she compared me to her crazy assed sister that I can’t stand. That really pissed me off as I took it as an insult. I am nothing like her sister. Just aggravates me and I went upstairs. My mother can be so mean sometimes.

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dreary day despite the sun

Dreary day despite the sun

I have been in a depressed mood for most of the day. This pain is getting to me in an awful way. Then my settings on my word doc got changed while copying and pasting a blog and I haven’t been able to get them right. I have no idea what I did. I figured out how to fix it but I have to do it on each document. Frustrating. I will google the settings later.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions. I also got a bag of chocolates. Then I got reprimanded by the pharmacy tech for not buying the 75% off chocolates. I don’t like Russel Stovers and besides, it not like my foot will allow me to shop. Just ring up my purchase and I will be on my way, thank you. She kept on going on and on until a line formed behind me. Bitch. I usually get along with this person but from now on, I will just use the front registers for my purchases other than meds.

I was sweating by the time I came home so I decided to take a shower. I was risking it but I didn’t care. I needed to shower. I felt better afterwards. As I was coming up the stairs, my phone was ringing. My sister had called me. I called her back and she said she was with my mother at the hospital to get her foot checked out. As they were going to the car, she noticed my mother was off and looked hypo. Sure enough, her sugar was 31. It took a little bit to get her sugar back up to normal. So my sister had to stay another two hours at the hospital. She wanted me to feed her daughter. I was hungry myself as I had nothing to eat all day, so I made us some eggs.

I got a craving for ice cream so I put it on my grocery order for tomorrow. I tried to keep it under $100 but I never seem to be able to do this. I was able to get a $5 off my order though, so that is something. I had to get my bacon because both my mother and I like it so much. She cooks it more than I do but she leaves a few pieces of it for me. I haven’t been able to make my bacon sandwiches because of the pain I have been in. I am going to try this weekend. I just need one thing to make me feel like a human again. Even if I end up in bed the rest of the weekend, at least I tried. I haven’t been able to make my pancakes. That is a bummer for me because I love pancakes and I am usually full for the rest of the day.

This talk about food is making me hungry again. If my foot wasn’t hurting, I’d go to the sub shop and get a pastrami sub. I hate not being able to walk. It really sucks! I’m going to rummage through the freezer to see if there are hot dogs. I stole some bread from my sister’s place as we are out right now. My mother hasn’t done her food shopping in a while so we are down to the bare necessities.

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suffering once again

Suffering once again

I woke up from a weird dream and had to use the bathroom. My foot exploded soon as I came back to room. I had to call my PCP to make an appointment to see what can be done for my pain but the office wasn’t open yet. I took my regular pain meds and waited a half hour. When I finally got through to my PCP’s office, he didn’t have any openings for this week. So I get to see him next week to discuss my pain. I emailed my psych and let her know. She was worried about me as she called me late last night because I didn’t answer the email she sent me.

I got a week before my appointment. It’s in the early morning so that is going to be fun. I don’t do well in early morning appointments but it was the only one that he had so I took it. I’ll just try and load up on caffeine before the appointment.

I am feeling pretty low so I am just going to stay in bed most of the day. I don’t care. I do have to go to Walgreens to pick up my scripts. I can pick them up in the afternoon. My foot is too sore to make a trip outside right now. I just took a Benadryl to get back to sleep. I’m still debating on taking a strong pain pill, but I will hold off for now. I might take it later this afternoon after my nap if it’s still throbbing.

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