trouble (Taylor’s version)

Trouble (Taylor’s version)

I had a cup of coffee with two snickerdoodle cookies this morning. Around noon I had my mother make me an omelet and I had it with coffee and toast. I had to get ready for my appointment so I looked at the bus schedules. One bus was coming in a few minutes and another in fifteen. It was still a little early but I decided to get ready anyway and head to the bus stop. Soon as I started walking down the street my legs felt heavy, like I was walking in mud. By the time I got to the plaza, my back was starting to hurt too and I was hoping there was minimal walking from the train when I got to my eye exam. I hadn’t been there before so I didn’t know the area.

The place was across the street from the train station. It was convenient but long. I got to the appointment with five minutes to spare. The eye doctor was nice. My prescription changed and she noticed that I had prism-something in my right eye. She asked if I saw double and I said I used to. She asked if there was prism-something in my glasses. I said no because the double vision didn’t get any worse. In fact, it has been a long while since I last saw double. She wanted to do the expensive eye test but I declined. I hate the exam because I have to do it multiple times because I blink and you have to have your eye open. I am a frequent blinker, lol.

On the way home, Trouble was playing. I swear every time I hear this song I get something new from it. A lyric will just hit me and I will think hard about it. Then I think of her video and I shake my head. I didn’t like the video she made for this song.

I went on the Zenni website to look for new glasses. I found a frame I like. I just hope I can get progressive lenses with it. I haven’t gone that far in my search because when you look at the lenses you got to put in your prescription and I didn’t feel like it. When I am ready to get my lenses I will.

I am really tired. I again was very out of breath when I got home. That little incline up my street kills me every single time. It has been eight weeks since I broke my shoulder. Monday I go back to ortho to see if I can do more exercises with my shoulder. Today it is hurting something awful. It started on the way home. I placed my hands behind my back and it didn’t like that at all.

I’ve been thinking about my appointment yesterday with my uro. I am basically taking four medications for my bladder. FOUR. I take three for psych and two for hypertension. I counted up my meds that I take a day and it is eighteen. Eighteen pills a day I take and that doesn’t include my as needed meds, the ibuprofen, BT med, Ativan, or Zofran. I hate taking meds. But I can’t not take them.

docs leaving

Docs leaving

Yesterday I got a message from my primary care office that my pcp will be leaving as of Jan. Today I had an appointment with my urologist and she told me she is leaving in Jan as well. Two good docs gone from the same institution. Now I am to see a creepy old doc as he is the only other neuro urologist in the department. I am hoping to see his PA as I was told he was better so we’ll see. I am upset that I am down two doctors in the same time. I knew my pcp would be leaving soon as he found someone to take his place and I guess he found someone. Until they get introduced I am to see the covering doctor for my PCP needs.

I sent my therapist and psych a letter about this and that my bladder is fucked up. It is atonic in addition to being neurogenic. Basically it doesn’t function like it should anymore. This is from nerve damage from the tethered cord and cauda equina syndrome. Treatment for it is more medication. She gave me another bladder med, wants me to resume taking Flomax, and increase the dose of my muscle relaxant tizanidine. I have to go through my neuro for dosage adjustment for the tizanidine. She also wants me to see a pelvic floor specialist before she leaves. I don’t know if that is possible. I got to call tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment even though I am going to PT for my shoulder and back. She wants to see if loosening the tight muscles will help my bladder.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up the new bladder med. I also picked up meds for my sister. The line was so damn long and not moving for a while. It really sucked but while I was waiting, I saw some snickerdoodle cookies and snagged them. They were only a buck so I will have them tomorrow with my morning coffee. I came home and was short of breath. The little hill always makes me short of breath when I go up my street. I also had to walk the length of the driveway to my sister’s apartment because the front stairs are being worked on and we can’t use the front door. I think we can tomorrow as I saw the yellow tape was down. My mother made spaghetti with sauce so I had some. It was very good. There was a sausage in the gravy so I had that. It was so good and hit the spot.

I am tired. I had woken up around 0030 last night and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I colored. It calmed me down enough that I could go back to sleep. Tomorrow I have my eye exam. I haven’t received my insurance card but I have it on my phone if they need it. I also didn’t get my new credit card that I planned on using to get new glasses. They will have to wait. I might get them online as they are cheaper. The glasses I am wearing I got online and only paid less than a hundred bucks for it.

rabbits rabbits

Rabbits Rabbits

It’s Dec 1st and I cannot believe the year is almost over. No end in sight with the pandemic because of covidiots. And yesterday there was a school shooting somewhere and I just had to stay off Twitter. When I finally scrolled past the news and just looked at pics, I found the pet pics I needed to see. There was a cute all black kitten in one of the pics. So damn cute. It made me smile while the world is falling apart.

My shoulder is hurting this morning. I tried the new exercises I was given and it caused me pain. It didn’t hurt last night so I don’t know what I did wrong or maybe the height of the table was too high. I sent a message to my PT about it. I also checked my calendar on the web thing and my calendar and found there were at least 5 appointments I was missing. OOPS. I also don’t have a follow up with my psychiatrist so I sent him a message.

My burn is healing. I have it covered with antibiotic ointment. I have to keep it covered because I hate looking at it. It looks so sore but it isn’t. I am waiting for my pcp to get in touch with me about the UTI symptoms I am having and what to do about it. I have a feeling he is going to refer me back to uro and my uro is going to think I am crazy.

I wish I could access my calendar on my laptop but even though I am connected for text messages, I calendar option isn’t there. I have been thinking about switching to outlook for my calendar needs but that always requires going into the email app to access. I sent a message as feedback that this should be an option.

My pcp responded to my message and referred me back to uro. I placed a call and they never called me back. I haven’t taken the urinary pain medication today. I still have frequent urination and pain but it is less than it was over the weekend. Cathing is still a goddamn nightmare. I won’t have the urge until I am half way through emptying my bladder and then will get a strong urge that shoots urine all over the place. I feel like I am going crazy. I want to take Miralax because I haven’t moved my bowels all fucking week but I don’t want to drink stuff because then I will have to pee. I feel like I need to restrict my intake of fluids right now so I am not peeing all the damn time. I don’t know how much of this is nerve related or something else. I just know it is frustrating as hell.

I am feeling somewhat suicidal. Nothing imminent just passing thoughts of what if I do this or that. I have thought about texting my therapist but I already texted her once today. I haven’t brushed my teeth today or shaved my head. I really don’t feel like doing either. I will try and brush my teeth before bed or my last pee of the night. I only have myself to blame for getting cavities. I reluctantly took some Miralax so will have to pee soon again. I hate being constipated this much because I will just end up straining to get stool out and that isn’t good either.

I am ordering groceries and the two things I need are out of stock. I might have to go to the store and get them.