midnightdemons7

Struggling

I have had a hard past few days. Yesterday my PTSD was on a roll. I kept getting startled with every loud noise I heard, including notifications on my phone. I had my midterm on Wed and I think I did ok despite stuff. I need to take a shower but it has been hard. I don’t feel good. My tooth hurts or teeth, I am not really sure what is going on. Yesterday it was really bad. Today hasn’t been as bad and I managed to brush my teeth without too much pain. I feel depressed.

I had therapy today and we just talked about my anxiety over things, mostly money things. November is a hard month because I have so many birthdays. I want to get my bitchy sister a gift that she wants. It is kind of expensive but it is a good product so I know it will last. I also need to get my meds. I thought I had one more of my weight loss med and I don’t. I won’t be able to get it till I get paid next week so I will be late in taking it. I also will be missing a few doses of Depakote because I don’t have the money right now for my meds.

I did one discussion thing for my gender homework. I have one more to do. I will read it after I write this blog. The professor just gave us two this week and I am grateful. I did my interview this morning. I just need to create the slides for the presentation. I will put it on a thumb key thingy for class on Mon. I don’t know how detailed it needs to be but I know it just needs to be a few minutes long. I also need to go over the updated History syllabus to see if there is anything due on Mon. I don’t think there is and I hope there isn’t.

I have been in pain with my foot for most of the day. I don’t know why it is flared up. I haven’t done anything today. After therapy, I mostly snuggled with Honey and tried to nap. I need to shower and hope there is towels. We are out of laundry detergent, again. I don’t think my niece and her boyfriend uses the right amount because we go through it like crazy.

I hope I am able to get groceries this month. I have an order. I just hope I can fill it. Or at least some of the items if I can’t get everything.

Midterm and other stuff

I woke up before my alarm but didn’t get out of bed. I didn’t know what time it was. I just didn’t want to get up. I had to though because I wanted to see my professor during her office hours after therapy. I got up when the alarm went off. I regretted having a 9am appt.

Therapy went ok. We talked about the hurdles I have been through the past few weeks. She wanted me to do something kind to myself. I told her if I got a good grade in my history class I will get a hot towel shave. She said I should get one anyway. We talked about my class and how anxious I was today because of the midterm. I still had some time to do some extra studying. I figure I would do that once I got to campus.

After therapy, I gave up on seeing the professor as the bus was coming now and I still hadn’t brushed my teeth yet much less get dressed. I had coffee and a corn muffin. I love Market Basket’s corn muffins. They are so yummy. I wanted to go to Starbucks but the bus gods were against me. I brushed my teeth and got dressed and then left to wait for the bus.

I got to campus but it was too late to see the professor. I printed out a couple of things for class and then studied. Then came time for the midterm. I fucked up the chronology of events. I know I didn’t get them in the correct order. I picked three IDs to write about and then bullshitted through the essay and I am not even sure it made sense. I still had like 40 mins to spare but just turned it in as I was cooked. I didn’t cite my last quote and I regret that now. I hope I am not taken down too much for that. Before I left campus, I bought a drink at the Dunkin as a treat. It was pretty good. I don’t know if it had caffeine in it but I liked it.

There were delays getting to my stop on the train. I had to pick up my meds at the pharmacy before I could go home, though. I got home and immediately played with Honey who was a snuggle bug. I love her so much. I had a toothache and needed ibuprofen but I needed to eat something first. I wanted pupusas so I got them. They were good but omg did they hurt to chew them. I think I need to get my teeth extracted sooner rather than later. I have been putting it off for a number of years now but I think my luck has run out. I hate this. I am scared. I got to go to the place that accepts my insurance. Hopefully I won’t have to pay too much for them to yank my teeth out.

I got in touch with the admin of the psychology dept. I requested an interview with her and set it up for Friday morning. I have to do this for my networking class. A few minutes after I sent the email, my bowels let loose and I shit myself. I was not happy. I went to the bathroom to change and clean up. I had all loose stool. I didn’t take magnesium last night because I didn’t want this to happen but looks like it happened anyway. I am so pissed off this keeps happening. This is because of the new antidepressant. I just ordered some fiber pills. My pcp said it might help soak up the water a bit. We’ll see.

Another day another headache

I woke up fine. I did my coffee routine. I pet Honey who was whining after my nephew even though her parents were home. But I still got a headache in the afternoon. I feel like crap and I need to re-read all the annotations we have done so far. I started with the ones the professor sent us in an email. I cannot study off a laptop. I don’t know why. I need it in my hands. I will print it off tomorrow when I am on campus.

I had a chicken sandwich for lunch. I bought rolls for the chicken patties I had in the freezer. I wanted pumpkin pie but they didn’t have it. No matter what kind of pumpkin pie I wanted they were sold out. I will have to get it at another store.

Today marks 22 years since the Sox won their World Series, breaking the 86 yr old curse. I cried when I seen the video again. It always tears me up watching them celebrate. I remember watching it on tv and looking at my tv stunned for a few minutes before I was able to celebrate. It was such a joyous moment.

I am tired but I need to read.