midnightdemons7

Drunk on you

Last night I went pee and Honey decided to come in my room to shit and then went in the hallway. I was not fucking happy. I wasn’t able to get to sleep right away. I think I fell asleep around 1ish. I slept until my med alarm went off. I got up to pee but then went back to bed. I didn’t feel like being up early. I forgot to take my meds. I didn’t take them until I got up around noon. I am glad I got up at that time because I had therapy at 1.

I had another headache today. The third since starting the steroids. I have two days left on them. I got one day of antibiotics for the UTI. I don’t know if it is making my urine dark but something is. Maybe I am just dehydrated. I don’t know. I still am not eating. I had nothing with my coffee this morning. I made a tuna sandwich after therapy and then had an ice cream sandwich. I drank water. I got to refill my water bottle.

Therapy was a little hard. We talked about the conversation I had with my childhood friend the other night. I told her suicide has been on my mind a little more lately. I don’t really have to plan as I can act any time I want to. Then I told her Aug is a bad month for me and is the month I OD’d. We talked about how psychotic I became and the care I failed to receive for it. I was barely eating while in the hospital. I had no appetite at all. They would give me these shakes and that would be all I would have all day. I never filled out a menu or anything. If I got one, I don’t remember it. I spent a long time in the hospital after the OD. They had taken me off my meds and I was really confused and didn’t know what the hell was going on. I couldn’t take care of myself at all. My sisters had to help me shower and wash up, brush my teeth. I was so out of it. I would sleep all the time during the day because I was awake during the night. I just couldn’t sleep at night. I kept listening for things. I don’t know what they were. Sometimes I felt like I had holes in my ears from ear to ear. I wasn’t writing or blogging or even on social media. I only used my phone to listen to the same Taylor song over and over.

I feel wicked depressed. I am going to call my psychiatrist tomorrow and make an appt sooner than Sept. I need to talk to him about this. I also need to talk to him about how he schedules me. FFS three months is not good and I don’t like it. If he says tough, I am going to have to find another psychiatrist.

I am so tired today. I struggled to stay up after therapy. I have zero energy. I was supposed to shave my head today but I just couldn’t find the motivation. Maybe tomorrow. I get my food stamps tomorrow and I want to get a steak, maybe some burgers. Depends on how much everything is. I am sure the price of my $5 burgers have gone up. I will be going to the meat market.