midnightdemons7

Don’t get me wrong

I had a difficult time sleeping most of the night because of pain. My ankle flared up soon after I finished my blog last night. The pain was really bad. I ended up taking a pain med and some more allegra for my allergies. That helped some.

I talked with my DMH worker today. I don’t know why I do. She annoys me. I realized while talking to her about classes for next semester, I hadn’t yet registered for classes. We talked about how my current classes were going and she said that I was “doing well” as I haven’t been in the hospital. She also said I was managing well as I had three classes. I don’t know, it just seemed like she was downplaying my depression, like it wasn’t serious or anything.

After talking with her, I took a nap for a few hours. I didn’t get up till around 6pm. I had something to eat and also had an ensure as I haven’t eaten much today. I had the leftover stuffing from yesterday and some cranberry sauce. It was all I wanted. I will make a ham sandwich tomorrow. I am still mad I got ham instead of turkey breast.

I tried registering for classes and my upper level psych class was full. Fuck. I had to pick another class. I chose an introduction to creative writing. It will meet before my history class on Tues. So now I will be on campus just twice a week instead of four times a week. But it will be long as I have two classes back to back. It took me a while to pick my class because it was mostly early morning times and I wasn’t going to pick a 9am class. There wouldn’t be a chance I would show up. I chose an 11am time so that might work.

Because I was still in pain, I didn’t go out today. I might go out tomorrow as I need to get more tissues. I am down to half a box. I go through so much because of my sneezing attacks. I played with Honey today. She was loveable. She kept licking my face and got my glasses. I love her new collar she has but she hasn’t been able to pose for me yet. It has been a while since I last took a pic of her.

My email is down. I guess there has been an outage on outlook for most of the day. Hopefully it is back up tomorrow.

Sneezing like crazy today

Since I got up this morning, I have been sneezing. I don’t know why. I took my meds early, before I went downstairs for coffee. I didn’t sleep well. I think the afternoon nap that I had yesterday interfered with my night sleeping. I slept on and off but I think I was up for most of the night as I kept on tossing and turning. I just couldn’t get comfortable and my legs were hurting. If I lay on my right side, my back started to hurt. I was getting so frustrated. I peed around 330 so decided to take an Ativan and that helped me sleep for a little bit.

Therapy went ok. I told her our anniversary was next week and she said it has been a year she has been with the organization as a whole as she started in Oct. I told her this was a difficult week for me as it is my godparents birthdays over the next couple of days. Today is my godmother’s birthday. I am always thinking of her. She meant so much to me growing up. I remember I would call her nearly every Sunday if we didn’t go down to see her. Then I just called her when she moved to the next town over. It was a nice house. I spent a week there one summer. It was fun. I loved being away from home. My sisters got homesick and came home early.

I took a shower and my legs really hate me now. I was getting cramps in my calves and feet this morning. I went to the grocery store to get some things. I wanted to make a Thanksgiving sandwich but the jerks at the deli counter gave me ham instead of turkey. I didn’t notice it until I was at home. I got salami so I can have a sandwich on Monday.

I got to do my history homework. I have been trying to do it the past hour or so and keep procrastinating. Tomorrow I see my DMH worker. I plan on getting Starbucks. I still have some Starbucks money on my card. I wish there was a store near me that I can go to without taking a million buses to. Or a train and a bus. I got a history quiz coming up next week. I got to go over my notes. There were two classes I missed. I hope it doesn’t affect me negatively.

A day of rest

I got up kind of late. I had something to eat and then I had some coffee. I then slept the afternoon away. I had a dream I was trying to get ready for work but couldn’t find things like my badge and sneakers. I also dreamt I went to my cousin’s place in Pepperill and was by the water with boats. Which is completely made up as there is no water near that town. They did have a swimming pool but it wouldn’t have boats.

I played with Honey until she didn’t want to anymore. She is so funny. I love her so much. I have therapy tomorrow. My therapist sent me a list of things to do to feel better. It was a list we worked on together last week. It has been a year we have been working together. She is a good therapist. She tries her best to help me. I don’t know if it is doing any good. I am still depressed though I am less suicidal these days except when I am in a lot of pain from the CRPS. I don’t think about a lot of stuff like I used to. I guess it doesn’t matter about things that happened in the past. Since having top surgery, I have been feeling like myself, whatever that looks like. It is hard spending day after day being suicidal and then not being it one day and then the day after that.

Tomorrow I am going to work on my history homework so I don’t have to do it over the weekend. I was able to talk to one of the networking instructors yesterday before I left the career fair. I had some questions about the interview thing we have to submit as our last homework assignment. I have to do my resume. I think I will need some help in getting it done. There is a place on campus where I can get it done. I have to ask one of my classmates about it as her presentation was on it. Thursday I see my DMH worker but I should be able to do my gender studies work. If not, I can definitely do it Friday. I am glad there is no class tomorrow because of Veteran’s day.

Even though I slept all day today, I am feeling tired. I think I am going to read my Neurosis book before bed. I miss having a baseball game to listen to.