forced myself out

Forced myself out

I woke up with five minutes to spare for my therapy appointment. I should have set an alarm so I could have had coffee before session but I thought I would wake up. I didn’t so I didn’t have coffee. Therapy went ok. We didn’t talk about anything deep as my brain wasn’t thinking too clear. I was also having back spasms so that didn’t help. I told her the events of the weekend and that I got accepted back to college. She said that was huge. I wasn’t feeling it. I think it will become more real once I have the finances to pay for it.

After therapy, I had two cups of coffee. I ran out of half and half so I had to go to the store to get it. I didn’t want to go out but I forced myself to go. It was tiring. My legs felt dead afterwards. I am still resting. I haven’t napped so that is good. I didn’t wear my coat as it was warm. I just wore a light jacket. I added value to my T card as I waited for the bus home.

My foot has been hurting me since 0630. I haven’t taken anything for it because there is really nothing for me to take. I no longer have my pain meds. I can only take gabapentin. It just dulls the pain. I will take some before bed so it will help me sleep.

I am going to try and finish reading my book today. I have just one more chapter and then the conclusion. I already picked out the next book I plan on reading. I just hope that I don’t knock things over when I get the book. It is a baseball book about the Sox. I look forward to reading it.

Sunday Blog 29012023

Sunday Blog

There was nothing more that I wanted to do today than sit on my bed and read my book. Wasn’t meant to be, at least not right now. I had my niece’s birthday party to attend. It was good. My cousin came over and it is his birthday tomorrow so we celebrated him and he cried. I felt so much emotion for him. I haven’t seen him in a long while but I am glad he came.

Yesterday was a bad day but at the end of the day it turned good. My mother wasn’t feeling well. She had invited her siblings over for lunch and they all came over. She was in bed for most of the day. Then my aunt took a seizure and we had to rush her to the hospital. She is still in the hospital but doing better. It was very scary. Everyone was upset and crying. I just hope she doesn’t have to stay in the hospital too long.

Then the end of the night my niece shows up with an engagement ring! Everyone was so happy for her. I was so happy. It was just the elation needed to end the day.

Right now most of the family knows my mother has cancer. Today it is hitting me hard. I want to cry but can’t find the tears. I am really sad. I have therapy tomorrow to talk about this. I have had such a difficult relationship with my mother and even though she has cancer, she still treats me the same, as her “daughter” instead of a son. I don’t know what to do about this. It bothers me but there is nothing I can do about it. It makes me think I should give up but I can’t stop being me.

I got an email from UMB. I got accepted! Looks like I will be attending in the fall if I can financially manage it. I should hear something about this in the coming weeks.

Easy Friday 27012023

Easy Friday 27012023

I had an easy day today. I didn’t do anything. I just rested as I was still sore from PT yesterday. I also don’t know what I did but when I got into bed last night, I pulled a muscle in my thigh so that is sore. I ordered McDonalds for my niece and I for lunch. It was good. I then did some applying for school and financial aid. I had to go digging into my tax paperwork for the information I needed for the financial aid stuff. I made dinner for my mother. She just wanted a pasta dish.

I never got a chance to read my book today so I will read it tonight before bed. I have been trying to stay away from laying down since I got up this afternoon. Pain in my ribs is sort of helping as I need to sit up to alleviate the pain. I trimmed my beard today and mustache. It was getting a little unruly.

I am so tired today and I haven’t even done anything. My shoulders are tight and I just want to lie down all the time. My muscles still hurt from PT yesterday. I hope the soreness goes away. I wish I had a bathtub so I could rest with hot water on me but I don’t have one.