Category: depression

Busy day with appts

I woke up around 4 to pee and had a hard time going back to sleep. I slept for a few hours until my alarm went off at 10 and then I got up because I knew the bus would be tricky catching it. I had my coffee but I wasn’t hungry. I planned on getting a Starbucks drink when I got to near my appt for my pcp. I still had money from the gift card.

My pcp and I talked in great detail about my back and the CRPS bullshit. I told her I felt hopeless about it because I have been in pain every day for the last few weeks. She is going to send a message to my neuro to see if something can be done but I don’t think there is anything that can be done. She asked what I wanted and I told her a muscle relaxer would be ideal. We talked about different ones and then settled on one that had least interactions with my meds. Then we talked a little about other stuff. She wants me to do the Cologuard thing again. I see her again in Dec. I didn’t talk about the weight loss drug because I didn’t feel like it.

I left and went to see my DMH worker. My bowels decided to explode when I got to her office. Luckily, I made it to the bathroom in time. I still went when I came home. I have such nerve pain going on right now it’s not funny.

I had a good meeting with my DMH worker. She wanted me to try acupuncture and I said I don’t believe in it. She suggested a pain doc and I said they were only for injections. She is under the impression they offer more. I don’t know where she got that information but the pain docs I have seen have all suggested either a psychologist or injections. My back was getting kind of tender sitting there and when I left, it immediately started spazzing. I stopped at the grocery store to get some bread on the way home. There is one near her office. I just missed the train but another one came a few minutes later.

The last block that I walked before my house I swear turned into a mile long block. I just wanted to go home and have something to eat as I was starving. I wanted the pasta dish I made. It tastes even better. The sauce is all on the bottom though so all the pasta is stuck together with the sausage on top. It was still delicious. I had a little bowl because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to eat a big one. I want a PB&J later.

I hope I get paid tomorrow and not Mon. I really need to get more Gatorade. I only bought four bottles yesterday. I have two left. I need the hydration. Tomorrow I got two appts and I need to go to the square to pick up my meds. I would have done it today but I was too hungry and in pain with my back. I am deciding if I should read the stuff for my gender class. I just want to take a nap. I am exhausted.

Things got done today

I got up around 11 to have coffee. I was feeling sort of ok and I wanted to make my sausage dish. My sister gave me a box of pasta last night so I could cook. I made pumpkin spice coffee to try it. It was ok. I think if I had pumpkin spice creamer it maybe would have been better. I got an email from my history professor about class. There was an extra credit lecture today but I had too many things to do to go to campus. There will be a pass back day tomorrow and all homework can be turned in. So glad I can turn in what I wasn’t able to yesterday.

It was a lot harder to crumble the sausage. I was using a wooden spoon and it wasn’t working just right. I figure I would let it cook some and then try and crumble it. That ended up working better. I made the pasta as I was cooking the sausage and spinach. The spinach ended up sticking to the pan and I lost most of it. It still came out good. I really like it. Only problem was I wasn’t hungry because while it was all cooking, I had a cup of coffee that killed my appetite. Then my sister made some roasted beets and now I am stuffed.

I trimmed my beard and showered. I am exhausted. I also cleaned up after I cooked. I flared up my foot by doing all these things. I was on my feet too much I guess. I did rest with the puppy for a little bit. She snores so cute.

I hate that I do things and feel so tired afterwards. I could fall asleep right now. I just want to go to bed but I know I won’t sleep until it is after 10pm (it’s only around 645pm now as I write this). I still need to take my night meds but it is too early. I took them early last night because I ate a good amount of calories for it. I haven’t taken my weight this week yet. I was going to do it this morning but I forgot. I will try tomorrow.

Woke up late

My two alarms went off today and I still didn’t want to get up. It was cold and I was nice and cozy in my bed. I kept saying five more minutes and then it was 11. It was late. I got up and made coffee after brushing my teeth. I had a donut and that was it until I came home from class around 5 pm. After my coffee I got dressed and left for the bus but on the way I realized I forgot my phone so had to come back home, missing the bus by seconds. I had to wait a half hour for the next one.

I was too late for my history class so I just hung out at the seating area at the campus center until my second class. The class was so dull. We had to do an assessment thing that I am still not sure what it helps improve. Only thing I learner was that I was a developer in addition to being empathic, intellect, a learner, and something else that I can’t remember right now. There were five things. Then he tells us we have to have a meeting with him or the other instructor for some guidance on how we are doing in class and any questions we have. We also have to do a presentation on something and I forgot what he said the moment I left class. But I had to leave because my bowels were feeling iffy and I didn’t want an accident on the way home.

I almost missed my stop because I snoozed while on the train. I got home and was hungry. I made some soup. I might make a sandwich if we still have bread. I used the last of my money to pay for my meds so until my refund check comes in, I am broke. I still need a box of pasta to make my sausage dish. I so need to go grocery shopping for bare essentials.