ADL Sunday

Saturday Blog 25092021

I had a rough night. I woke up around midnight to empty my bladder as it has been five hours since I last emptied it. I then had a difficult time trying to get back to sleep. My anxiety was starting to take over as my thoughts just kept on repeating on themselves. I took an Ativan but it just calmed me down and cleared my head. It didn’t make me sleepy. I colored for a bit and then I started writing in my journal. I guess I should have done that first as I wrote ¾ of a page and then I was sleepy enough to go back to bed around 0430.

I had just emptied my bladder about a half hour ago and then had a bowel movement which produced some urine. I don’t understand this. I also found out yesterday that I had residual urine after every void I had yesterday. I don’t know if there was residual after my bowel movement because I wasn’t in my bathroom and I didn’t think I needed a catheter. I am getting so frustrated that I sent a message to my urologist asking for some help or guidance about this. My urine is clear so I don’t think I have an infection. I also don’t know if this is just a post op thing that will get better in time. I am not a patient person when it comes to this stuff as it stresses me out.

I only have one appointment next week so if I have to go give a urine specimen I could. I think it will be negative however. I am not having any other symptom of infection other than the strong urges to go all the fricken time. Today is a little bit better and I have been mindful of the time I go so I am not guessing.

I just made another cup of coffee because I need it. While I was waiting for it to brew, my mother wanted me to make her a hamburger so I did. My sister made several banana breads so I had a piece of one. It was ok but very buttery. As I was coming up the stairs to my room, my sister told me a story of how she was trying to get information from Siri about something and the android kept telling her to Sukkot. LOL got to love AI.

Sox game is at 4 so I plan on reading my book for a couple of hours or chapters until then. Last night was an ugly loss. Nate didn’t have his stuff and the Skanks hit him hard. He gave up two homeruns. Not like him at all. Hope he isn’t hurt and isn’t telling someone.

I’m hungry but I don’t know what I want to eat. I kind of want Chipotle again. It was really good last night. I added corn salsa and it really kicked ass to the burrito bowl. But I want Kung Pao so I ordered from a new place. Hope it is good. I got the white rice with it. I didn’t feel like getting the fried rice.

Saturday Blog 25092021

Saturday Blog 25092021

I had a rough night. I woke up around midnight to empty my bladder as it has been five hours since I last emptied it. I then had a difficult time trying to get back to sleep. My anxiety was starting to take over as my thoughts just kept on repeating on themselves. I took an Ativan but it just calmed me down and cleared my head. It didn’t make me sleepy. I colored for a bit and then I started writing in my journal. I guess I should have done that first as I wrote ¾ of a page and then I was sleepy enough to go back to bed around 0430.

I had just emptied my bladder about a half hour ago and then had a bowel movement which produced some urine. I don’t understand this. I also found out yesterday that I had residual urine after every void I had yesterday. I don’t know if there was residual after my bowel movement because I wasn’t in my bathroom and I didn’t think I needed a catheter. I am getting so frustrated that I sent a message to my urologist asking for some help or guidance about this. My urine is clear so I don’t think I have an infection. I also don’t know if this is just a post op thing that will get better in time. I am not a patient person when it comes to this stuff as it stresses me out.

I only have one appointment next week so if I have to go give a urine specimen I could. I think it will be negative however. I am not having any other symptom of infection other than the strong urges to go all the fricken time. Today is a little bit better and I have been mindful of the time I go so I am not guessing.

I just made another cup of coffee because I need it. While I was waiting for it to brew, my mother wanted me to make her a hamburger so I did. My sister made several banana breads so I had a piece of one. It was ok but very buttery. As I was coming up the stairs to my room, my sister told me a story of how she was trying to get information from Siri about something and the android kept telling her to Sukkot. LOL got to love AI.

Sox game is at 4 so I plan on reading my book for a couple of hours or chapters until then. Last night was an ugly loss. Nate didn’t have his stuff and the Skanks hit him hard. He gave up two homeruns. Not like him at all. Hope he isn’t hurt and isn’t telling someone.

I’m hungry but I don’t know what I want to eat. I kind of want Chipotle again. It was really good last night. I added corn salsa and it really kicked ass to the burrito bowl. But I want Kung Pao so I ordered from a new place. Hope it is good. I got the white rice with it. I didn’t feel like getting the fried rice.

another day of being depressed

Another day of being depressed

I woke up early for my doctor’s appointment. I had my coffee and then it was time to leave. The appointment went well. The doc saw no discharge and said that there is just a little opening left to heal. I am healing up pretty good. I should have used the bathroom before leaving but I just wanted to get home. I stopped at the CVS to get some water because I was thirsty. I don’t know if that played any effect but when I came home, I lost control of bladder. The urge was just so damn strong and I have been dealing with it since then. I cathed after I void and there is a lot of residual urine so I am not emptying my bladder when I void.

I asked the doc if taking out the uterus and the shift in hormone would play a part in the depression I have been feeling. She said it is unlikely but will send a note to my psychiatrist. I was so depressed today that moving was very difficult. I just felt like I was walking in mud. My legs felt so damn heavy. I came home and had something to eat then took a nap. I was in bed most of the afternoon.

I ordered Chipotle for dinner. It has been on my mind for most of the day. I wanted to bring my book with me but I forgot it. I almost forgot my bag with the caths in them. I wasn’t rushed to leave this morning I was just forgetful because I was sleepy. I had a good night sleep but this depression is taking away so much of my energy. I sent a message to my psychiatrist about increasing the antidepressant I am on and he said it was okay but because he wasn’t the prescriber, I would have to go through my neurologist. So I sent her a message. I probably won’t hear back from her till Tues or Wed.

I got on Twitter when I logged on my laptop. I was dismayed to see another variant of the virus is out. WTF. This thing is not going to go away until more people are vaccinated. I briefly read an article about how the anti-vaccine people don’t want people to go to the ERs anymore. I stopped reading it because I knew it was just going to upset me. I read one tweet where people were into hydrogen peroxide and I am like this is just nuts. There is a safe, effective vaccine out there that is free but people are spending their money on junk to avoid it.

Today was muggy even though it was only in the 70s. There was call for rain but I missed it. It rained sometime while I was snoozing as I heard the rain beat on my AC. I hope that is all the rain we are going to have because the Sox are playing at Fenway tonight and it’s an important game. Actually the next few games are important for the wild card. If we don’t beat the Yanks, our chance for playing in the playoffs won’t be good. We are on a 7 game streak right now. I just hope I will be awake to listen to the 9th inning. I am so damn tired despite having a nap. Maybe after I eat I will feel better.

haircut and shower exhausted me

Haircut and shower exhausted me

I had some energy this morning so I decided to get my haircut. When I came home I showered and now I am exhausted. I went to Starbucks for my mocha and something to eat. While walking back to the barber shop, I got winded and it took a while for me to catch my breath. I thought I was over covid but I guess not. It has been five months and I am still experiencing some side effects of the illness. Please, if you are reading this and haven’t been vaccinated, please get the shot.

I have been feeling depressed and my sleep has been awful. I was up most of the night. I just couldn’t sleep. It is pay week and I am worried about my finances. I already messed up and am overdrawn on my checking account. I thought I could pay all my bills with one check and I can’t. I need the supplemental pay I get from my long term disability claim to help with my bills. I still need to pay my cell phone and cable bill. I get paid tomorrow from the LTD so I won’t be in the negative but I will be down a hundred bucks. I should have some money to pay my sister back for the loan she gave me.

My therapist responded to the message I sent her about how to proceed in therapy. I asked her if we could just free associate rather than stick with a topic because I just am not motivated to work on my trauma right now. She said that we could do that if that will bring me in. I honestly was thinking of canceling next week’s session because I see it as pointless. I just am not really in the mood to talk about stuff. I just feel kind of stuck and don’t want to do anything. I have been reading so my concentration hasn’t been affected. My appetite has been sort of ok. I am eating less than what I should be eating. The other day all I had was a yogurt and an Ensure for the entire day. I just am not eating calories to get through the day. I am drinking fluids though because I have to make sure my bladder is empty every four hours, two if I drink coffee. I am so frustrated with the discharge. I am glad I am seeing the surgeon tomorrow because I can’t take wearing pads anymore. It has been five weeks that I have been wearing it and they are starting to irritate me.

My neurologist granted my request for lidocaine patches for my nerve pain on my thigh. I am so glad. I had a box of them but they expired years ago so I had to toss them. I am going to try and put them on my shin where most of my pain is most days. I don’t know if it will work because the skin is so sensitive it might hurt. I can no longer where socks that are thigh high. The elastic hurts me.

I have an easy week next week with just one appointment to see my therapist. I just put some money on my T pass so I might go to Starbucks to read or write while having my mocha. I meant to bring a book today but I forgot. It’s hard when I don’t carry a bag. I forget things. I am so tired. I think I am going to take a nap and then make a black bean burger for lunch/dinner. Hope I can sleep and not have weird fucking dreams. Last night I dreamt I was with my cousins and was laying in their bed after they made it. I don’t remember the reason I was there. But it was just weird.