Still here

I am not getting discharged tomorrow, though I still want to be. I just can’t get the suicidal thoughts out of my head. Mr. Hyde wants to come out and play. I am having a hard time holding him back. All he wants is an outlet to write suicide goodbye letters. So maybe this blog will be an outlet for him. He needs to be in control or else bad things happen.

There is a patient snoring where I am at the nurse’s station. It is annoying me. But it is better than her legs jumping. I haven’t met many people on the unit the I can really talk to. I am glad because then I don’t have to keep up the relationship when I get discharged. It is hard staying friends with people when you get out of the hospital. People just go on with their lives.

I still feel pretty hopeless. My case manager wants me to work on short and long term goals. I can work on the short, the longer ones I don’t think I can because I feel i don’t have a future.

I wish I brought my laptop so typing this would be easier. Plus I could edit my works for my short story. I actually write a short story while I was in here. I’m not going to publish it in blog form but will in my book. I am hoping my second book is more successful than my first. But I know what to do the second time around, if there is one.

I got guilt tripped into staying alive. I fucking hate that