Just met with my idiot doc. He clarified my pain meds though I am not sure what that means. I am aggravated because he has been pushing me to go to level 2 in privileges but I am not ready. So today I said fuck it. He wants me to escape, it will be on his head.
I still am feeling hopeless about them helping me. My regular case manager is away and won’t be back until Monday. I am still waiting for a call from my therapist. I just want to get out of here. Granted I also want to be six feet under, but that is besides the point. Actually, I don’t want to be six feet under. I want to be cremated.
I feel a little bit better than when I first came in. But it comes and goes. Right now I just want to punch someone in the face. Fresh air break is what they call going out. It will be hard for me with my brace to maneuver the stairs and such. I have been thinking of going to the fitness center just to grab a weight and smash my head. I don’t know why I want to bludgeon myself to death. It’s just a thought that keeps going around and around.
Right now, I am very sleepy and want to take a nap. It’s an hour and a half before the next group. I just want to be a jackass in the group so I can get kicked out. I don’t like the group leader very much. She always has an attitude.
I have created my own cereal while on the new medication. It’s Graham cracker cereal. I love it. I just hope I don’t gain too much weight while I’m here. Because that would suck.
midnightdemons7 