I was feeling emotionally and physically drained today. I couldn’t think or concentrate. It has been a rough day.
I will be getting discharged on Monday. I cannot wait to leave this place and be on my own again. I so miss the confines of my room. I miss my laptop. But I miss my home more. I know my mother missed me and I wish I felt the same but I don’t.
like I said, I feel drained today. It is off because I was feeling so upbeat yesterday. I was a little hypomanic. Then I took my pain meds and I have been depressed since. I feel worse than what I came in with. My brain is slow moving so this blog may not be too long. I am having difficulty putting thoughts to my words, if that makes sense. I don’t think it is a side effect of medication. Definitely one of depression.
We had group therapy today. I was so foggy, I don’t remember too much of what was going on. The time seemed to go on forever. I just wanted to go back to bed. I struggles with that all day. The other patients kept asking me why I was so depressed. I didn’t have an answer for them. I just was really down and not talkative. If I wasn’t moving, I could have been in a vegetative state. But after I had my check in, I tried to sleep. It’s not easy because of checks and people walking in the hallway. My room is a single. Don’t know how I managed that but I am grateful. It’s nice because I’m not bothering anyone and no one is bothering me. My room is opposite a double and triple so there is constant foot shuffling in the hallway, which makes it hard to sleep. I leave my door open so that the checks person isn’t opening and closing it all the time, which further makes sleep difficult. This is the first hospitalization that I have ever left my door open. I don’t know why I can sleep with it open. Usually, I need a pitch dark room to sleep. But not on this occasion. Weird.
When I get out, I have to email my pdoc every day until I see her on Friday, no exceptions. Dammit. I have no clue what I will write. “I’m alive” comes to mind or “I’m still here”. I might alternate between the two. I don’t think the email has to be very long.
I miss my therapist terribly. It’s been more than a month since we had a session. Well almost a month as I have been in the hospital for three weeks now. I won’t talk to her until the 26th. 😦
midnightdemons7 