What to do

I just read a fellow bloggers blog. You could here the desperation in her words. I am pretty much in the same boat. I am debating on staying in the hospital a little longer because the last two days, I have been severely depressed. People can look at me and see how depressed I am. I don’t like it. But it is what it is. I can’t pretend anymore. I haven’t felt suicidal but that is only one step away from where I am right now.

I don’t have any clue what I’ll be doing when I get home. Being home doesn’t scare me, my thoughts do. I haven’t met with my contact person yet. Maybe he has some ideas. But then he doesn’t know me. We’ll just have to see.

I talked with a family member last might who read my book. She said she had no clue there was a dark side to me. We are going for lunch on Thursday.

I have been thinking about my writing partner’s silly ideas of writing a coping handbook about dealing with suicidal thoughts. It is not a bad idea. It might help because what works for me, might work for some one. I have to think about it some. Otherwise it will be two paragraphs and that won’t help anyone.

I am very tired. I hit my head on a chair, not on purpose. Something fell and when I went to pick it up, my head found the chair instead of the dropped object. OUCH!! I told staff. They just told me to take Tylenol. It might be a bruise tomorrow. I don’t care.