missed streak and being depressed

Missed streak and being depressed

I was out of it yesterday. I just couldn’t get going. I was up half the night and I was just completely tired the whole day. I only left my room to use the bathroom. I had a cup of coffee and a pop tart. But that was it. I went back to bed after I canceled therapy. I tried to schedule for next week but she wouldn’t let me so we met today. I thought about canceling again but that might make her concerned so I kept the appointment. She was concerned anyway as I wasn’t myself. I was feeling a lot of pain and grief. She wanted me to talk but I didn’t know the words to say how I felt. I told her I got triggered when I saw my pcp last week, with the weird delusions and stuff. I also felt disconnected and dissociative. I dreamed my mother was in bed and when I went downstairs to check, she wasn’t there. I felt so damn sad. At the end of our time, she said that if I became unsafe what would I do. I told her I would call her and then probably go to the ED.

I need to go to the Square to pick up my meds. I am still out of tpass funds so need to use a cab voucher to get there. I hate calling but the app you need a credit or debit card to book a reservation. Sucks. I got such a headache right now. I just want to sleep. I don’t want to go out. My sister just invited me for dinner. I haven’t really eaten anything in two days. I just am not hungry. I had some Ensure last night to take with my Latuda. I felt nauseous afterwards. It eventually went away. It is warm today. My room is stuffy. There is a cool breeze coming through the window though.

I have no idea what the fuck I did to my knee. It has been hurting for two days now. I need to get it checked but I am afraid as osteoarthritis runs in the family. I don’t want a knee replacement. I took some ibuprofen last night and it helped a little bit.

Sunday I slept till 430pm. It was odd because if my mother were alive, she would have called me between 1 and 2pm to see if I was alright. I was in my room all day yesterday and other than a text from my sister, no one else called. It is just weird. Not even the sister I live with checked on me. Not that I need checking up on but some hellos would be nice.

I didn’t listen to the game last night but they lost anyways. I lost track of their streak for losses. For every win they lose like three in a row, sometimes more. My sister wants to go out to eat tonight. I really don’t feel like going out. But I will for her. I just want to sleep.