food allergies suck

Food allergies suck

Last night I went out to eat at new Chinese/Japanese place with my sister. I was worried about my ginger allergy but didn’t think to tell the waitress about it. One of the appetizers was “contaminated” with ginger and I reacted. My mouth swelled up but there was no throat constriction like before. We came home and I took some Benadryl. The game was in a rain delay as there were t-storms coming through. It got really loud and downpours happened. By the time the game started like two hours later, I was toast. I went to bed. I wanted to take another dose of Benadryl around midnight and I woke up but wasn’t thinking. I just checked the score of the game (they won finally!) and went back to sleep. Around 4am I woke up hungry and had some fig bars. My mouth was still swollen so I took some more Benadryl. I knew I was going to have a hard time getting up. I needed to get my prescriptions in the Square and had to call a cab to get there. I checked my epipen to see if it expired and it had so I sent a message to my pcp requesting another one.

Around 1030, I finally got up. I took my meds and my gums were still sore in spots. I felt like shit from the Benadryl. I needed coffee. I made two cups and then booked a cab to come around 1230. I went to the little grocery store as I had to use the cab for food or medical appointments. I bought some cauliflower and more half and half. Then I went to the pharmacy to get my meds. There was a line longer than anticipated. I was there for at least a half hour as there was just one girl working there and the customer ahead of me had their prescription misplaced somewhere. It took two people to find it. I thought I had just two prescriptions but stupid auto refill had filled another script without my knowledge. I’m glad I don’t have to pay for my meds right now or I would be stuck coming up with cash I didn’t have.

I went home and felt like shit. I made another iced coffee as I was thirsty. I put my groceries away. I had an hour to kill before the bereavement group met. I went to the utility cabinet to get some soap I hoped would entice me to shower later. I found my mother’s shampoo and nearly had a meltdown. There were three bottles of it left. It left me feeling so much grief.

The bereavement group went ok. I told them how hard my week has been and that my therapist is worried about me. Before we ended yesterday she asked what would I do if I became unsafe. She doesn’t normally ask this of me. I wasn’t right yesterday. I was not right today. I am not okay. I don’t know if I will be. I don’t want to be in therapy. I don’t want to talk anymore. I just want to be left alone. My heart is breaking into pieces.