Sunday Blog 06082023
Same story today it seems. I woke up in the middle of the night with severe headache. I took something and then was able to get back asleep. Then I was up for a few hours. I read the forward and preface to Managing suicide risk by David Jobes, 3rd Edition. I plan on updating the blog I wrote back in 2015. There is a ton more information as the SSF (suicide status form) has changed. It is now in its 5th edition with some new pages. I can’t wait to read it. I might read this and the other research suicide book, alternating each when I go to Starbucks. Due to licensing and copyright, I cannot share an electronic version of the SSF. So get a copy of the book if you are interested.
I have been up since 0900 or so. I woke up with a terrible headache and decided to take ibuprofen rather than Excedrin. I had two cups of coffee with breakfast. I made two eggs with cheese. For lunch I made chicken and rice and for my dinner I had peanut butter with a Pepsi. I just ate finished off peanut butter that was in the jar. I was craving a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but we had no jelly so I just ate peanut butter. It was good. My stomach is bloated so I don’t plan on having anything else other than an Ensure with my night meds.
Yesterday I did my meds and found that I either misplaced or lost my Latuda meds. I picked it up the day I got discharged from the hospital. I have the other meds but not the Latuda. I thought I threw it away but I looked in the recycle where I threw out the bag and it wasn’t in there. It’s not on my bed. It might be somewhere in my room that I put things after I cleared my bed off that I haven’t found yet. Worse case scenario is that I will be without for a week as I can’t refill it until the 17th. I used my last refill so I will have to let my psychiatrist know. I am kind of freaking out but trying not to.
My middle sister sent me a text saying that my baby sister wants to go away for Christmas. They are thinking Puerto Rico or Aruba. I don’t want to go because there is no way I can afford it. Just trying to save a little bit of money for college has been difficult to do. I have a fixed income and too many bills. I got really behind on my bills when I was in the hospital last year and I still am not caught up. Hard to do as I have to come up with $150 for utilities now plus pay another hundred for internet. There is no money to be saved. My nephew used my tomatoes that I was going to use for making sauce so now I need to buy more cans as I planned a family dinner for next Sunday. I no longer get sufficient food stamps to pay for my grocery shopping so it is coming out of my paycheck each month. I am just strapped for money and can’t work to supplement. I can’t stand long or walk far or for long. Sitting is probably ideal but then my ankle swells up and hurts. I can’t imagine the stress of working will be good for me. It might help in the beginning but not long term. I still need to get my passport renewed so I can get a “real id” from the state. I need to figure out where to get my photo done and then I can probably get it next pay period.
I got a headache forming right now. I got therapy tomorrow and I am going to go off on my therapist because she didn’t send me the letter I asked her over a month ago for. I am so pissed because it is holding up my financial aid. I had to drop the classes I had registered for because I didn’t want to get stuck with the bill as I couldn’t pay it. I really want to go back to school to finish my degree but if I can’t afford it, it is a lost dream and it hurts.
midnightdemons7 