every time I cry

Every time I cry

My mother rarely physically harmed us growing up. It was only when we were on her last nerve, she would hit us. Growing up, I mostly suffered her verbal abuse. She could be cuttingly sarcastic and mean and when giving it back, she would get upset, often using her “mom” voice to cut us down even further.

I’ve been trying to be human. I took a shower today and pulled a muscle in my side. I don’t know how I did it but it hurt. I shaved a little and thought about having a goatee but couldn’t really get myself to do it. I need to make some chicken I took out or it will go bad. I have been living on peanut butter sandwiches the last couple of days. I just am not hungry. I haven’t been drinking too much coffee, either. Yesterday and today I only had one cup. I spent most of the afternoon after therapy in bed, sleeping. Therapy was tough because I just woke up and really couldn’t think of anything worth talking about. I brought up the blog I wrote but wasn’t in the mood to really talk about it. Grieving has been so hard and difficult. Today as I was drinking my coffee, the house was eerily silent. I sometimes hate I am home alone so much. I didn’t get up till after 12. I had headaches all morning. I have no idea what time I took my migraine med. My head was pounding so much I didn’t notice the time.

I got a message my prescription was refilled but the pharmacy doesn’t have it yet. I will wait for it to be ready and then go to the Square tomorrow to pick it up. I haven’t decided if I am going to get my haircut or let it grow out a little more. The top is getting long and I like it, even tho some days it is wild with bedhead.

I got an email from Amazon saying I would be getting royalty this month. Last month I got a whopping 0.07 cents. I still have no idea how I get it but I will take it because obviously someone is reading my book.

I plan on putting in my grocery order for tomorrow and have it delivered Thursday. No one will be home so I will be getting some exercise going up and down stairs. Hope to have it in the morning so at least I can rest the afternoon.