short goals

Short goals

I wanted to do three things today and that was to shower, blog, and work on my book somehow. I was going over it last night and it was painful. I managed to shower and brush my teeth. I didn’t shave as it was too much for me today. I had to do things small. I made myself something to eat and had my sister’s corn chowder which was very good.

I am in the throws of depression hell. I am trying to avoid the fall into suicidal abyss. Nothing really set me off. I woke up feeling depressed and it just got worse as the day grew on. I am not thinking about anything in particular. I just feel morose.

I got some feedback about my book and it was that the transition should be living your best life. I don’t know what that is or what it looks like. I am not there yet. I am still struggling to be comfortable in my own body. Last night I was reading the rest of Henry Adams and my stomach just felt so heavy. It felt like I had something hard under my diaphragm. All I had to eat yesterday was the turkey sandwich and stuffing. I didn’t eat anything else.

I wanted something chocolate so I had my Ben and Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie. I ate the whole pint. It was so good. I just took my night meds. I also set my alarms for tomorrow as my therapy appointment is at 11. I don’t want to oversleep. I slept through our appointment once and I don’t want to do it again.