finally some decent sleep

Finally some decent sleep

I have been up since 7am. I slept through the night for the first time in a long time. I woke up with my chest hurting because I barely moved during my slumber. I must have curled up into a ball because it was pretty painful. I kind of lost energy around 1030 but I rested and then I got dressed to go to campus. I had to wait twenty minutes for the bus. I didn’t check the schedule until I got to the bus stop. I went to Starbucks and had a mocha and a wrap. I thought about doing some schoolwork while there but I wanted to pick up my stuff from the bookstore.

After I left Starbucks, my legs felt like cement. I was just so tired. I had anxiety right before leaving and wanted to go home. But I pushed myself. The anxiety was persistent throughout the day. I had an anxiety attack right before class. I thought about leaving but I was there so I stayed. I went to class. The professor was back and it was good seeing him. I wasn’t able to print off the extra credit but I was able to email it to the TA. I was glad because after the self-assessment that I took, my grade dropped by twenty points. I am not happy. Class was interesting though my mind kept on floating to other things.

I came home and while I travelled, I listened to the game. I cried as they interviewed the players from the 2004 Sox. It was their 20^th Anniversary and they honored Tim Wakefield. It was just emotional. I remembered the game that won it all. I remember so much from that year. The determination of the way Johnny Damon said they were going to win. And they did. Seven straight games. It wasn’t easy but it was fun to watch. I have to take a shower because I smell like fermented cheese. I am wicked exhausted. I need to make something for supper. I had a Naked juice while I waited for the bus. I just feel so full.

Twice today I thought about calling my mother. It just seems so strange even though it has been a year since she died. I had therapy yesterday and we talked about how my mother brought me to the doctors for anything and everything. She was always interested in my body. As a result, I think I ended up developing dysmorphia from it. I hate the way my body is. I feel like a cow most days and after top surgery, I am still coming to terms with my big stomach.

Anyway, we talked about my medical anxiety as I tend to contact my pcp for things. She seems to think it is in excess. I find it easier to send a message than to call. I still think my chronic illnesses tend to lean me more to contacting my doctors than not. I am completely wiped out and going to stop here. I need to sleep. Hope I have the same slumber as I did last night.