short things

Short things

I managed to brush my teeth and shower today. I also went to the pharmacy and picked up my meds. I was disappointed they didn’t have my ice cream in stock. I wanted to reward myself for the trip out. I was going to go to the library but I just never made it out that way. I will try tomorrow. I have decided I am going to just take a cab to the police station and then take the T back home. I think that will be easier for than trying to manage bus routes.

I sort of crashed after my shower. I laid down, not even dressed, and snoozed a bit. It’s hot today and I have my AC on so it’s cool in my room. Sox will be playing tonight. I thought they would be off as they are playing interleague but I guess it is a three game series. They won last night. I had sort of given up on them after the 4^th run. They won 8-6. The Celtics are on a tear right now. I am so happy for them.

I haven’t done anything and I am so tired. I had a bad dream last night that woke me up around midnight. It was hard to settle down and then I started reading Moby Dick and it held my interest for a few chapters. I got a few requests for signed books. I will send them out at the end of the month. I just hope I have enough package envelopes. Might need to get more.

I keep having fleeting thoughts of ending my life. They don’t last more than a few minutes but in those minutes, I am pondering of going through with it. The meds I want to use are in a lock box so it will take some time to get to. I just wonder why I am here. It hurts so much to live. I just don’t get it. Part of me wants to reach out to my case worker but I don’t want to go to a crisis team or something. I see my psychiatrist next week. I see everyone next week and I donate blood.