I’m feeling so frustrated and overwhelmed. I got my groceries today and my sisters judged me for it. I needed my drinks and going to the store to lug them is just hard. Plus you can only get so many at once. I haven’t found my tuna yet. There are some bags that need to go on the porch but it’s blocked by the dog crate so I can’t access it. I got an email today saying my insurance is overdue but I know I paid it on Thursday. I think the fricken holiday is messing with me. I’ll have to wait till Monday for things to clear.
Apparently I’m watching the puppy again. Dad came home and dropped her off then left. Didn’t say anything to me or my sister. I am not happy about this.
I never showered last night and I am mad at myself. I fell asleep and then was up most of the night. I got really thirsty and drank a lot which meant having to use the bathroom in a few hours. I just couldn’t sleep. I was cold then hot. I didn’t know if I wanted the blankets on me or off me. I just couldn’t get comfortable. Then I started sneezing. Fucking allergies man. I seriously thought of taking a shower at 3am. But I would hate to wake someone so I didn’t.
I just want to die and I don’t even know why. I just feel so mad and i don’t even know exactly what I am mad at. A few or a lot of things sure. My sisters yes. My finances yes. The delivery guy that took forever to empty the stuff and was rude yes. Idk if I am making sense. List of grievances. I haven’t been able to get any puppy pics because she has been hiding under the bed.
I keep thinking about my plan and yet I am reading this CBT book that is giving me ideas of how to help myself when I go back to therapy this week. I’ve been taking notes. I just got to write them up as it’s on a piece of mail. I usually have notebooks on my bed but since I haven’t been writing, I haven’t put any on my bed. So it’s just whatever is handy. I think i am going to write a review of the book. I just have two chapters to go before I am done. I should finish it by tomorrow.
I am going to shower now and use the body wash I bought for the hospital so I smell nice. Need to brush my teeth too. Then I’ll make a potato salad. I haven’t eaten anything all day.
midnightdemons7 