Next few days are going to in the 90s or above. I hate it. Today I was so exhausted. My legs felt like jelly when going up or down the stairs. I watched the puppy. She was either on the bed or in her crate (she put herself there). Her mom should be home soon. I don’t know why they have to play with her dog food. They add stuff to it and she doesn’t eat it. Saw a bunch in the trash and it was stinking up the kitchen. The trash needed to be taken out but it was too heavy for me.
I finally brushed my teeth and shaved. I thought about trimming my beard but I was sweating in the bathroom and didn’t want to stay longer. I really haven’t had much to drink besides coffee. I roasted some zucchini and forgot to use oil. It should be ok. I’ve made it before like that. If I had the energy I would have made it with eggs and breadcrumbs. It was big enough to fry it like that.
I had a.meeting today with the study. They wanted to talk about interventions after the hospital and we discussed different strategies. I think they are on track with it. They sent me my safety plan again. I am going to share it with my therapist on Thursday.
I got a headache and just want to sleep. I just finished a cup of coffee so I don’t understand why I am sleepy. This is like the fifth headache in a week I’ve had. I know it is heat related because when the temps are lower, I don’t get one. I see my pcp Thurs. I had to request some Zofran and a new nurse messaged me. I hope the nice nurse I’ve know the past few years is still there. It will suck if she left.
I am going to ask my pcp for a meta letter. I still need to reschedule the appt for bottom surgery but it doesn’t hurt to get the letters now. I also want to know if the procedure is done at the hospital. Also want to talk about getting on the weight loss drug. I’m scared to being these things up because it so personal and I have such a fear of rejection.
I asked my sister for something and went down to her apt to pick it up. She was telling me one of her friends was on the weight loss drug I was thinking of trying and instead of acceptance, I was met with judgements. I should be walking around the block and not be drinking powerade anymore. I would love to do that but it’s 100 degrees outside and I can barely tolerate the 200 degrees in the house. My legs felt like jelly today and I have such a fucking headache right now it’s not funny. Plus I get short of breath so easily now because I am becoming a damn hermit. I am eating just enough calories to survive so my weight doesn’t change much. Except I’ve been eating more chips lately and I think that has added the pounds. I’ve gained like 20 pounds with this depression episode. And the only way I know to lose it is to stop eating. Some days I will only have coffee or a sandwich. I just eat once a day, sometimes twice if I am hungry. I just can’t take their ableism. It hurts because I try and just can’t some days. Like today I needed to pick up my meds. I was too hot so didn’t leave the house. I will try again tomorrow. They don’t understand how hard it is for me. And I hate myself for it.
midnightdemons7 