Another shitty day
I had a hard time sleeping. I tried everything and finally gave up around 11. I was reading Jack Turban’s Free to Be which is about trans youth. I can relate to it so much. I realized I have gender repression even though I expressed myself as a tomboy throughout my life. I guess it was easier being seen as that than as a man. It still hurts that I repressed myself so much I wanted to kill myself. How much I loathe myself you wouldn’t believe. I sometimes still do.
Last night I was in agony. The Senate passed a bill that would ban trans athletes and federally define sex, which would essentially make trans and intersex people non existent. 28 Dems voted yes on this bill and I am so damn angry. I used to like Amy Klobochur but she has turned into my nemesis. I am glad she is in MN and not Mass. I don’t know if this needs to go to the house or not. I am just on the edge again. I will never be able to get my passport if this passes. Federally, I won’t be seen, which is just like it is now. It makes me so sad.
I was having palpitations last night. It was freaking me out and I wanted to send a message to my pcp. But after a little while it stopped and I wasn’t so anxious. My blood pressure is still up. I got to take a few more readings for the NP. It hasn’t been a week since I increased the dose to 50 mg. I still have some room for it to work. Then I got to get my bloodwork done.
I have been tired most of the day. I have been in bed. Only getting up to check my messages on my phone or answer my sister’s calls. I played my game most of the day but things have been taking longer to produce products. It has been a long day to wait. I had small meals today. I had cottage cheese for breakfast/lunch and then a chicken sandwich for dinner. I have been drinking water more than Powerade. I had to refill my water bottle again today. I seem to be doing it at least once a day. I am going to go to bed early tonight. I didn’t nap so I should be able to sleep through the night. I am listening to Taylor’s Fearless album. It is one of my favorites. I have it just at the right volume.
midnightdemons7 