how did I get so jaded

How did I get so jaded

I had almost eight hours of sleep last night. My sister woke me up, I am guessing around 2 and then I fully woke up to pee at 4. I sort have been up since then but I slept for an hour or two in the morning. I thought I had therapy at 10 so set my alarm but it turns out it is tomorrow afternoon, not today. I have been so messed up today.

I managed to shave, shower and brush my teeth. I had two cups of coffee. The second killed my stomach. I hate that the weight loss drug is taking away my love of coffee. I wanted to get to campus early so I could talk to the teacher but didn’t make it in time. On the way to campus, I was listening to runaway train by soul asylum. It is my favorite song. It resonated with me and I have been playing it on repeat.

I got to campus and just happened to check my student email. The teacher was doing class on zoom and was not going to be on campus. Fucking fuck. I got home just as class started. I wasn’t able to take notes but I listened. It was too cold to stay outside and listen so I walked home from the bus stop. I came home and there was pee all over the kitchen floor. I cleaned it up and just as I was finishing, my bitchy sister came home. I was listening to the zoom and she started bitching about her daughter and the puppy. She wanted me to text her but I don’t know what she wanted as I wasn’t listening. After lecture, I texted my niece. I got no response. She is still not home. I don’t know where she is.

I had Oreos for supper. There was nothing but ham to eat and I wasn’t going to have another day of it. I have been eating a little bit all week. I also had an Ensure because I wasn’t sure how many calories I consumed with the cookies. I couldn’t eat the sleeve like I normally would do. I drank the milk though. I am so very tired. I might have another night of sleeping until the early morning hours. I was asleep by 9pm last night, which is rare for me. Might make it two in a row.