Category: depression

Rough day

I woke up just once during the night to pee and was able to get back to sleep. I woke up with my alarm. Just as I turned it off, my therapist’s office called. She is sick and canceled the appointment. I went back to sleep. I didn’t get up until my med alarm for my T went off. I got a message from the online web thing for school saying my quiz has been graded. I looked and failed the test. I feel so rotten. I knew I did it wrong. I think I did it backwards or something.

I don’t know if there is class tomorrow. The professor said he would email today and he hasn’t. Maybe tomorrow morning. I don’t know. I read a few pages last night before bed. I was having horrible anxiety and I was so damn tired. I really was expecting to wake up around midnight but I didn’t thank god.

I made a roasted chicken breast with potatoes for dinner. I had a burrito for lunch so wasn’t too hungry for the chicken but wanted the potatoes. I will have the chicken tomorrow. Maybe over some rice.

I have been thinking about getting bottom surgery, just the meta part not the phallo. The trouble is the procedure is not done where I get my care. I would have to go to another Boston hospital. But the surgeon is supposed to be really good so I will go. I just got to make an appointment.

My prof just sent an email that class is canceled for tomorrow. I am hoping to do some reading tonight as I am behind. Tomorrow I plan to do my Italian work. I am going to see if I can see my therapist on Friday if she has an opening. I see my DMH worker in the afternoon.

I was doomscrolling and had to stop because I read the felon was going to cut 80,000 people from the Veterans Affairs office. I have tried to stay off today as I can’t take anymore bad news about the country going up in flames. Seems gas is being added every day and no one is putting out the fires. But everything is fine…

Light in August

I started my 3^rd book in my English class at like 5 this morning. I woke up at midnight and there was no way I was going back to sleep. I ordered breakfast and then read for about an hour. I didn’t read as much as I should have. I should be more than half way through the book but I am wicked tired. The professor has posted notes on the shared drive for this book.

I haven’t done anything today except spend money. But it was for needed things. I needed half and half. I didn’t want to buy just one thing so I bought some breakfast burritos and the chicken breast was on sale so I got that. And the eggs were cheaper at this store than the other one I was going to order from so I got those, too. Tomorrow I will make roast chicken and potatoes. I hope I make the potatoes just right like last time. It was so good, I ate them all in one sitting.

I still need to shower. It’s been more than a week. Luckily, I haven’t been around my sisters to tell me I stink. I know I do. I don’t need someone telling me. I plan on taking one after I blog. I got my clothes ready. I haven’t decided if I am going to shave or not. Or take off the goatee and grow beard. I’ll decide tomorrow. I just need to focus on showering. That is my goal. And to brush my teeth.

I was hoping to read more of the book today but so far I haven’t. If I am not completely exhausted after my shower, I might read a few more pages. It’s a longer book than the other two were. I honestly don’t know if I will catch up. I got stuff going on this week, therapy and seeing my DMH worker, who I didn’t see Friday because I had a migraine. So I made the appointment for this week. I can’t blow her off again. I also need to get blood work done for school. I got an email saying they need my immunization records and TB test. The immunization record they have for the patient website is not complete. I had to contact employee health for it. I had to sign a release and had to figure out how to fucking do it without printing it out and signing it. Took me a while. I was so aggravated. I signed up for PDF convert for nothing. I will stop it before the end of the week. It’s nice to have though.

I took my night meds. I hope I sleep tonight. I am not going to bed early. I did that too many times and I always wake up around midnight or 1am, sometimes even 1130pm and then I am up all fricken night. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t. I took an Ativan but I just wasn’t sleepy. I am going to try a trazodone tonight. Sometimes it works when I am sleep deprived and sometimes it doesn’t. We’ll see which way it works.