Category: depression

Errands done

I reluctantly got up today. My cousin was going to take me to the grocery store to pick up some stuff I didn’t/couldn’t get through peapod. I can’t believe I spent nearly $400 on food this month. And someone ate my uncrustables again. I am not fucking happy. There were just two left in the box. I had them for breakfast.

My pcp sent me a message that my lab work is fine. All the messed up labs went back to normal and my kidneys have improved. Blood pressure is still high but not stroke like. I am wicked tired after all my errands. I got my second shingles shot. I was too exhausted to do my hair when I came home. I had something to eat and then listened to a lecture I was supposed to listen to last week. I am going through them. I don’t feel like reading as I got brain fog.

I have my final paper due in two weeks and I haven’t even started reading the articles. I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I have so much to do and don’t want to do a damn thing. I am so tired. I know I say that a lot but it is true. Everything makes me tired. I have no energy except during the wee hours of the morning when I can read without a problem. During the day my brain is mush. Sometimes during the evening I can get through a chapter. I am like three chapters and at least two lectures behind. I don’t know what to do first. I am overwhelmed. I hate it. Fucking fuck. I am doomed. Group project was turned in two MINUTES before it was due. I am not happy about that at all. It should have been turned well before that.

I went to bed early last night listening to love story. For some reason, my count has been nulled so it isn’t on my 25 most listened to list anymore. No matter, I will listen to it a hundred more times so it will go back on the list. I love the song so much. I never get tired of it.

Boring day

My alarm and bladder went off this morning and I didn’t want to get up at all. But I had to. I managed to make it to the bathroom on time. I brushed my teeth and then had a cup of coffee. I was kind of gaggy this morning for some reason. I hate when I get that way. But my post nasal drip is out of control. I also have a runny nose. I wasn’t going to go on the T today. I decided to take a Lyft to my appt. It was less spoons doing this. I wasn’t so exhausted when I got to the clinic.

My blood pressure was a little elevated when I was there but my doc always seems to calm me down and my blood pressure was close to normal when she took it. She decided to put me on one of my blood pressure meds but at half a dose. I am to report on Thurs on how I am doing. Then I go back to the clinic on Tues to see the NP. I had repeat labs done, which still are not back. Things are changing in the lab as they are spinning down the blood at the clinic now.

I walked to the station as it was nice out and I felt ok walking. I got a message from my group that the project has been turned in. I am so glad it is over with. Now I got to read all the articles I downloaded and start my paper that needs to be 15 to 20 pages. This week’s writing is abstract writing. So that is going to be fucking fun. I don’t know if it is extra credit or for a grade. There is also something to do with pickle dish which I am not sure what that entails yet. There are three parts to it to receive full credit. I am wicked tired today so will deal with it tomorrow.

My groceries came and I was worried about the puppy as it was just me being home. She was good until her momma came home and then she went nuts. My niece helped me bring up the rest of the groceries and I was thankful because I was getting short of breath and tired. I didn’t get my full order of Powerades but I got most of them. Now I got to figure out where to put them in my room. I got to clean up where I normally put them. I have a pile of laundry that needs to be washed and old bags that need to be removed. Tomorrow I am going to the grocery store again because I need deli meat. I want to make my turkey, stuffing, cranberry sandwich.

It hasn’t been that warm but I have been sweating from walking around and going up and down the stairs. I wanted to cut my hair today but never got a chance. Maybe tomorrow after my vaccination. Depends on how I feel. I still am not sleeping that great. I keep waking up in the middle of the night or early morning. I am having sloppy joes for supper. Need to eat it before it goes bad. I am the only one that will eat it.

Today was my sister’s birthday. I had a hard time sleeping. I was struggling to stay awake during the party. I ate good. I think I’m going to have the same kind of party for my birthday.

I got some school stuff done. I ordered my groceries to be delivered tomorrow afternoon. I see my pcp in the morning. I might go to the library and return my book I borrowed. They were due last week.

I still feel off and my blood pressure is high now. I’ve been listening to evermore by Taylor the past few days. Just how I am feeling. It’s a mellow song.

I’ve been playing with the puppy when I come downstairs. I love her so much. She is my baby. I had to clean up her mess in the kitchen today. Her daddy is a fuck and doesn’t do it anymore. I am not happy about it.

I’ve been feeling depressed most of the day. Just stressing over finances and stuff. I still haven’t heard from the therapist place. Sucks not having a therapist.

Sunday fun days

I had a  good sleep finally despite waking up a few times to pee. I didn’t drink anything yet still had to pee. I don’t get it but yay, functioning kidneys. I took my BP today and it was high. I haven’t taken my blood pressure meds since Thurs (on advice of my pcp). I feel ok otherwise. I have been trying to drink more fluids to stay hydrated. I only had one cup of coffee today.

I made sloppy joes for my lunch/dinner. It was good. I have leftovers for tomorrow. I did my meds. I also spent a lot of time with the puppy. I gave her carrots and treats. She wanted some of my lunch but I didn’t share.

I have been doing school work which has been slow going as I am not motivated. I finished one thing that is due tomorrow and my group is working on the paper that is also due tomorrow. I just have a discussion thing to do based on a reading that bored me to tears. I have another reading to do plus textbook chapters. I will start the textbook tomorrow.

My nose is running today. I think this cold or allergies won’t go away. I need to take a shower. I might do that before bed so that the exhaustion lets me sleep. It is kind of cold today but I had to open the back door because my sister hates the smell of meat cooking. She says it smells awful. She has had weird smells since she had Covid a few years ago.

I see my pcp and psychiatrist this week. I also get my 2^nd shingles shot this week. I hope it doesn’t make me sick like it did last time. I got to put my grocery order in tomorrow and I am worried that I am not going to have enough money for shit this month. I am going to make a withdrawal so that I can give my sisters some money for their birthday. Tomorrow is my baby sister’s birthday. Hopefully I can go out and get a few cards. My mother always used to have them around. She’d get them at the dollar store. I hate buying them because they aren’t cheap. And then they just get tossed so your spending money to put in the trash.