Category: depression

Saturday Blog 16082025

I got up really late. I didn’t feel like getting up. I was pissed off last night because my niece left me to care for the puppy all day. She stayed in her crate and pooped and pissed at my door. She also peed in the kitchen. I felt bad for the dog as it was nice out and she could have went out and run around the yard or something.

The boyfriend came home but didn’t stay long. He just comes and goes as he pleases. Pisses me off. Free room and board. Meanwhile, I am struggling to pay my bills. I was in a bad mood last night. I tried not to be today. But I heard the puppy and I didn’t want to deal with family. I wasn’t hungry but I made myself eat the what was left of the cake I made, which wasn’t much. I think I will have an Ensure with my meds tonight. I have no appetite or stomach pain.

I got out of bed with the idea of having my coffee and then shaving and brushing my teeth. I managed to brush my teeth but I didn’t shave. I need to shower but I am so tired. I don’t feel like doing it. I know I complain about this a lot but it just takes so many spoons to shower. I never know how I am going to feel, if I will get back cramps, need to sit down the whole time. Be out of breath. It just sucks.

I only have one appt this week and that is on Friday morning. I need to pick up my meds tomorrow. I wanted to go today but couldn’t get out of bed. I keep thinking today is Sunday but it’s Saturday. I had a weird night of dreams. I don’t remember them but they made me feel weird. I made some zucchini last night and it turned out terrible. I wasn’t sure what to do with it so just fried it in oil. The skin was tough on some pieces and bitter.

A Cooler Friday

My aunt called me the other day wanting to go to lunch so we went today. She repeated herself I don’t know how many times, used the wrong pronouns I don’t now how many times, and asked the same questions over and over. I was getting annoyed. She ate half of what she ordered and I did too. We took it home. It was a good outing. But damn she aggravates me. Before she left, she told me to get a life, half serious, half joking. She is 81. She is only going to get worse. I like spending time with her rather than her sister. We have a few laughs. I love her though.

I came home and needed a cup of coffee. I only had one cup and I was ready to nap. I can’t nap because then I will be up all night. I had my second dose of the weight loss drug. I am down four pounds. I don’t have much appetite today. I only ordered a salad for lunch because I have been craving it. It was big so I didn’t eat it all. I might have it for dinner. I need to make the zucchini. It’s a bit cooler in the house today than it was yesterday. I just feel tired right now.

I have to go to the Square tomorrow to pick up my meds and a thing I ordered. I also need to go to the grocery store to pick up some more half and half. I want to get some more salad kits too.

I need to shower some time today. I need to shave too. Sox are playing at 7 so maybe I can take it around 6. This way I can rest afterwards.

One ends and another begins

I met with my current therapist today. About midway through session, I told her I started seeing a new therapist because I felt she was inexperienced for my needs. I apologized. I felt really bad and nervous about it. Then we just ended. She said that in a month we will officially discharge. That should give me enough time to figure out if the new therapist is working out or not. My next appt with the new therapist is in two weeks. I have a week with no therapist next week.

I had shitty sleep. I woke up around 2 am and was just itchy. My nose and chest, mostly. I took a Benadryl knowing I wasn’t going to be able to get up in the morning. I think I have a UTI again and need to give a urine sample. Today I don’t feel that way so maybe it was just irritation yesterday. I have been trying to drink more water. Today I need coffee though. I am glad it is not upsetting my stomach. Despite feeling tired, I feel ok physically. Last night I was in so much pain with my back, leg, foot. It was driving me crazy. I ended up taking a pain med for it.

I haven’t done any ADL’s today yet. I need to brush my teeth. I shaved yesterday so I don’t need to do that today. I should shower as I am kind of stinky. I just don’t have the energy for it. It is hot in the house despite having two AC’s running. My sister put the AC in the living room on and it’s cooling that part of the house. We really need one for the kitchen but the only way to do it is to put it in the wall. I didn’t cook today. I was too tired. I made a roll up of turkey and cheese. It’s all that I ate today. I had to have an Ensure last night to take the Latuda. I haven’t had much of an appetite the past few days. Tomorrow I need to weigh myself and give myself the second dose. My aunt just called me and we are going to lunch tomorrow. I hope I feel like eating. I know they have salad so I might have one. I have been craving a Caesar salad for days now. I just haven’t been able to get to the store to pick it up. I also need to get more half and half.

Sox lost last night. The bats were quiet. They are off tonight. They are in second place right now. I am happy about it. They have a chance to play in the playoffs if they keep up this pace. The snakes keep losing and I am happy about that too.

Up all night again

I fell asleep after the baseball game only to wake up around 2am to pee and sneeze my head off. I took an allegra. I couldn’t go back to sleep because the sneezing woke me up so I got out my new psych history textbook and read. I couldn’t put it down. It was so interesting. I am going to love this class. Least I hope I will. I have no idea what the professor is like as I never had her before but she is a good professor from what I heard from other students.

I had a hard time getting up once I fell back to sleep, which was difficult because my sister got up and I guess the puppy peed again upstairs. That is her new thing now. I waited till my sister left before going back to sleep. Then I woke up again to pee. I took my meds. I had some serious upset stomach during the night. I took some Mylanta. I asked the nurse if it was normal and it is. I am trying not to eat things that are heavy that will hurt my stomach. The mac and cheese was so good but it caused an upset. I just had a turkey sandwich for dinner and some iced tea.

I have been experiencing some UTI symptoms today. I must have peed like ten times since I got up. Each time was just a little bit of pee but it hurt so bad. I have been drinking water as I am low on my powerades. I am so tired. I was watching the puppy until my bitchy sister came home and then I went up to my room. She was in a mood again. I don’t know why she expects the house to be spotless whenever she comes home. People live here. There is going to be stuff out and not put away. That is how a house is run. Fuck.

My allergies are so bad today. The pollen count is high. I was sneezing in my room and in the kitchen. I need to get more tissues before I run out. I forgot to get them on my last grocery order. I managed to shave and brush my teeth today. The only thing I hate about having a goatee is that around my neck I get ingrown hairs and they are painful. They also last a long time. I try to leave them alone. I got some benzoil peroxide to put on them. I am going to try and see if that makes it go away.