Category: depression

I woke up around 530 to pee and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I made some coffee and had a breakfast burrito. My check came in (thank god) but only one bill got paid and others wanted to wait on renewed. So my account is in flux. Around noon time I ordered burgers because I really wanted one. It was mediocre. The fries were good though.

My pcp’s nurse called me as I was trying to rest. We discussed how I was doing and moving forward my diagnosis will be hypogonadism. I almost started crying on the phone when I was telling how that stupid bill made me feel. I just feel super invalid. Like I don’t exist or should exist. After the phone call I got wicked nervous. I still got to finish packing my backpack. I don’t know what I’ll be taking. I Doordashed some stuff I needed. I didn’t know what I was doing as I had a problem with the order and wanted to tip the guy more but I ended up placing a second order. So now I have double the stuff except for my body wash. It wasn’t in stock.

I am tired. I only had one cup of coffee. I didn’t feel like having a second cup. I had a coke with lunch. Been trying to drink more water as my urine is dark and I’ve been feeling off.

My friend said that ketamine has helped his husband and son so I might ask my psychiatrist when I am out of the hospital unless I am admitted to the same hosp I am going to. I know there is a ketamine unit somewhere at the hospital, but I am not sure where. I’m out of drug choices so it could be an option for me.

Memorial Day 2025

I’ve purposely stayed off of Bluesky today because I don’t want to read what the felon has said about today. He already went off about the Boss, Bruce Springsteen. After the disrespectful way he treated the West Point cadets, I don’t care what he has to say anymore.

I was up most of the night. I had a brief sleep and then woke up to pee and that was it. I couldn’t go back to sleep to save my life. I finally did around maybe 8 and slept till 230pm. I had something to eat and I wanted coffee. My sister made some rice and beans and my other sister made pasta salad and some pork on the grill. It was good. I think I am dehydrated as my urine is dark. I have been trying to drink more today. I drank a liter of water during the night while I was up.

Tomorrow I need to go to the Square and pick up my meds and library book. I hope my check is in my account first thing in the morning and I don’t have to wait all day for it like I have in the past. It should be deposited in the morning because it was supposed to be in my account Saturday. I am still pissed it wasn’t.

My allergies are set off today. Part of the reason I couldn’t go back to sleep was I kept getting sneeze attacks. I still got the sniffles and a glob of shit at the back of my throat. I just took some Flonase so hopefully that will help.

Wired for sound

I didn’t want to get up today. I had woken up to pee but didn’t get up right away. I finally did around 0730. When I came back to my room, I took my meds and tried to go back to sleep. My sister texted me about 1115 for coffee and then I got up. I made a cup and went downstairs. We talked for a bit. Then she had to get ready for lunch with my aunt so I went back upstairs.

I had another cup of coffee and then I took a shower. No one was home so I just wrapped the towel around me and went to my room. I didn’t want to do anything but I had dinner plans with my friend. I had to leave close to when the bus got here and because it is Sunday, I had to catch it or wait an hour for the next one. I timed it perfectly.

Dinner was very good. I had a latte and it was so strong. I forget that restaurants don’t make it like Starbucks. I am now wired for sound. My friend drove me home as I knew the bus wasn’t going to come for a while and I didn’t want to wait an hour.

I did my meds when I came home. I am out of my stomach pill but it doesn’t matter as I will be in the hospital. I am also out of my blood pressure pill. I will get them on Tues. It was close to my med time so I took my night meds. I am kind of tired despite the espresso waking my brain up. I don’t think I can sleep though. I got such a headache. This is day fucking five. I wore my mask when I was with my friend because I am not feeling great. I don’t know why I feel like shit. I don’t know if it is the depression or something else. I got one more day of taking this antibiotic so maybe that is why I feel so crummy. I hope it’s not because my liver function tests are a little high for some reason. I have stopped taking the supplement mostly because I will be in the hospital this week. I am still taking magnesium so I don’t get cramps.

I was up in the middle of the night. I tried going back to sleep but couldn’t until dawn. I played my game. I didn’t feel like reading.

I finally got up around 11 and made something to eat. I was hungry during the night but didn’t want to get up and make something. I had one cup of coffee because I didn’t have enough half and half. I didn’t feel like leaving the house today.

Tomorrow I am meeting my friend and her kids. We are going to a French place in the next town over from me. I haven’t seen them in a long time. I’ve missed them so much.

I got a migraine forming. I still feel like shit. Just my head feels weird. I was getting those zaps in my head as I was trying to go back to sleep. I am wicked tired. I have decided to go in the hosp Wed morning. I think I’ll take a cab so I don’t have to struggle with my bags. I packed on for clothes. I just got to do my toiletry bag and then some notebooks and reading stuff. I would bring my Kindle but it’s dead. It’s got a few books on it that I was to read. I got to get a tablet or a new Kindle to replace it.

My sister is making her fig and procutto thing. I love it. I hope I can have some. My sister washed the lining of the shower curtain and I tried to hang it back up as I need to shower but I was too short. I couldn’t reach the hooks. My niece had to do it.

I sent a message to my psychiatrist saying I was going in. He just messaged me back. I can text my therapist Thursday when she is back in the office. Depending where I go, I might not have access to my phone, at least for the 1st 24 hrs. I’ve never gone in on a Wed so I don’t know what the wait will be like and this is a holiday weekend so discharges might be in my favor. We’ll see.