midnightdemons7

Brain hurts

My head starting hurting me last night. I got the pressure in my head around 630. I didn’t know if it was going to turn into a migraine or a headache. It turned into a migraine. I took some Excedrin and my night meds and went to bed. I didn’t sleep well. I kept on having bad dreams. It caused me to be up during the night. My head was pounding on and off throughout the night. The Excedrin really didn’t do much and the migraine wasn’t severe enough to take my migraine pill. I just muddled through with it. Luckily, it was a cloudy day so I didn’t have to deal with the sun.

I went to Starbucks and had something to eat and then went to class. I was early so I reviewed my notes. My handwriting is terrible. Somethings I couldn’t make out what I wrote. Then I was trying to figure out the cranial nerves. There are twelve of them. I never could remember them, even when I was trying to learn them back when I was in medical assistant school. I am going to try and learn them this go round. There are some mnemonics that I can use to help.

Class was interesting. We looked at sheep brains. And I found out I got to know the parts of the limbic system and basal ganglia. There is a lot of information and I am so overwhelmed by it all. I also need to create a brain and detail it and describe how it is similar or not to the human brain. The good news is that I goofed up the due date so I have a few more days to do it. I probably will get it done this weekend.

My brain hurts so much right now. I keep trying to figure out which lobe hurts and I can’t quite discern which one it is. It’s definitely the frontal lobe and some of the parietal. My neuro sent me a message today about rebound headache and stuff. She also said that I don’t have anything structural going on to cause this and that reassured me. She said the steroids wouldn’t affect it if it were. So that is good. I just wish I knew what the fuck was going on and could stop my head from hurting so damn much. I don’t think this hormonal as it just doesn’t coincide with the timing of the T. I’ve had the migraines and headaches while on T and in between T. My blood pressure has been good so no problem there. I know the bad dreams and weird dreams are a cause of the headaches and migraines. There is nothing I can do about it until I get a therapist. I had bad dreams last night and it sucked. I don’t even remember what I dreamed about.

Tomorrow if I am up early I hope to go to social security to change my gender marker. I also see my DMH worker in the afternoon. I hope I time it right and I am not too early for the appointment or too late. I plan on bringing the library book with me so I will have something to read to pass the time. I am hoping this fucking headache/migraine is gone by tomorrow. I still need to do the discussion article for the week. It’s an interesting one about a neuron.

Waste of spoons

I had to get up soon after my med alarm went off because I was meeting with my professor on zoom. I managed to have a cup of coffee before the meeting. My biscuits came in so I had some with the coffee. It was so good to have them again. The meeting went well. She was interested in suicidology and I told her about my research stuff. We went over my paper and it’s all review so I can look at different things. We briefly talked about the build a brain and I looked it up on the website and my heart sank. I have to come up with more than a few structures of the brain, like 50 or so. I am overwhelmed. My niece is going to help me.

I had another cup of coffee and something to eat and then I got dressed because I had to go to the bank for a banking issue. I got there and seems like nope, I just had to do it on the browser not the app. Well that would have been fucking dandy had they explained that on the website or mobile device! I wasted my energy (spoons) doing this. I was so mad. I wanted something sweet but there was really no place I could go and I really didn’t know what I wanted. I just went home and made the bus which was almost pulling out of the station.

I replaced the new headphones that I lost/misplaced. They came this morning. Thank you amazon. I had music while I went out. I have been listening to ALL my music rather than one artist or a group of artists. It’s been nice because there has been music I haven’t heard in years. I miss hearing Gary Allen and Garth Brooks. I came home and I was a sweaty mess. I had another cup of coffee. I plan on having the last of the Shepard’s pie for supper. I need to finish the chapter in my textbook and read the discussion article today.

I am tired and got another headache brewing. I got a ton of pressure in my head right now. I don’t know if it will be a headache or a migraine. I still have just one migraine pill left until Monday when I can refill it. I just sent all my refills for my meds today. I was out of refills on one of my meds so had to send it to my doc for it. I should be able to get them tomorrow or Friday. Friday I need to go to social security. I need to get my ass up early and go. I will bring my book with me so I can read while I wait. I see my DMH worker who is up the street from the office. I just hope it is a nice day and doesn’t rain. Today is nice. It’s cool but not cold. I can still wear short sleeves but I can’t wear shorts. It’s a little too cool for it. It’s nice fall weather. I love it.

Class was canceled today

I woke up early today and was able to shower and shave. I had one or two cups of coffee. I don’t remember. I left early for class only to get there and find out class was canceled because the professor had a medical emergency. So I went home. I got my meds and some ice cream. I think I will have it with my shepard’s pie for dinner.

I came home and I was tired. I took a nap for a couple of hours. I need to finish the notes in class and then I can finish reading the book. I started it last night and read about an hour until I fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and read some more. I am about halfway through the chapter. Tomorrow I meet with the professor. I am kind of nervous as I have no idea how I plan on writing the final paper. I have some idea but I don’t know what she is looking for.

After the meeting, I need to go to the bank to add my sister’s account to my account. I had it before but then they changed the website and mobile app and I lost the information. I wish I could do it over the phone but it’s sensitive information so needs to be done in person. I hope having it on a sheet a paper is going to be ok as my sister doesn’t have a check or deposit slip for this account.

I lost my bluetooth headset. I know I came home with it Thurs but I don’t know what I did with it when I came home and took it off. I looked all the places it could be. I checked the area around my bed, on my bed, my bag, my pants. It’s no where. I am so mad. I left the house silent and I hated it. I ordered another set.

My headache was gone but after I woke up from my nap, it is back. Today was the last day of the steroids. I am hoping it is because I haven’t had anything to eat in a few hours. I had something to eat around noon at Starbucks. It’s almost six now. There is an American Foundation of Suicide Prevention talk going on in a few minutes. I was thinking of attending but my head just exploded. I have been bad about hydrating the past few days. I am just going to focus on my schoolwork. That is more important to me right now. I am going to have something to eat and then get to it.

Failing to get moving today

I woke up before my med alarm to pee. I checked my messages and my professor canceled our meeting. There was a glitch in her calendar system. She doesn’t have office hours today, only on Weds. So I scheduled it then. It’s in the morning so I hope I am up. I rested the morning away and didn’t get up till the afternoon. I didn’t sleep most of the night for some reason. I just laid there with my thoughts.

I checked the syllabus after I had a couple cups of coffee. I have to read chapter 19. The Sox season is basically over so I just plan on reading tonight. There is only one week left in the season. There is another discussion for the week. I will do that on Wed.

My headache is gone, finally. I feel better, just feel wicked tired. I wanted to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds but I have no energy to go out. I will pick it up tomorrow after class. I finally had something to eat today. I didn’t eat yesterday. I wasn’t hungry. I just had two cups of coffee and that was it. It is cold today and I had to shut off the ceiling fan. It’s very windy out. Fall is here, finally.

My mood kind of sucks. I have been wicked depressed with all these headaches/migraines. It’s been very debilitating. I haven’t left the house since Thursday. My pcp wants me to get out of the house more. She thinks I have become deconditioned and that is why I become short of breath sometimes. It’s hard to leave the house when you’re depressed and have a headache. I need to shower and shave today. Also need to brush my teeth. I just don’t feel like doing any of it. I will brush my teeth the next time I use the bathroom. I hate feeling tired all the time. I have no energy to do anything.

It’s nearly the end of the month. I am patiently waiting for the therapy place to call me. I have a feeling they won’t though. Maybe next month. I hope it’s not longer than that. It’s been four months I have been without a therapist. I have been struggling all this month. I am glad I have my DMH worker to help support me. It’s been hard coping when you don’t have a therapist to guide you along.