midnightdemons7

Saturday Blog 17082024

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I slept for a few hours and woke up around midnight. Then I slept for a couple more hours and woke up at 4 to pee and then I was up. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I had something to eat. I thought about staying up but ended up going back to sleep after 6. I woke up a few hours later. I didn’t want to get up but I had to get my antibiotics. I went to the bathroom and was going to brush my teeth but my toothbrush was missing. I have no idea what happened to it and neither does my other people that live here. I am so pissed. I had some iced coffee because hot seems to set off pain.

I went downstairs after getting dressed and my brother in law needed my signature on some papers for rat control. I signed then left for the pharmacy. I am glad no one was in line when I got there. It was humid and I was sweating. I came home and made another iced coffee to take the antibiotic. I had made a burger as I was hungry. I just made one and will make another one later. I think I will make some tater tots with it. I have been craving potatoes of some kind.

I am tired but awake. Not really sure what I will be doing today. I might read my textbook to finish the chapter. I had started chapt 2 last week but never finished it. I do need to shave my head today. I never did it yesterday. I just want to relax for a bit before I go back downstairs.

I have PT coming up the week I start back to college. I think I might cancel the appointment as my ankle is feeling better and I haven’t been in pain for a few weeks now. I guess whatever was going on with it just needed time to heal. I have been using a different sneaker that is newer. I really need to get new sneakers but I also need to buy a suit for my niece’s wedding. I have to go next week as Aug is winding down and I don’t know how long the tailoring will take. I also need to get shoes, shirt, and a tie. Getting shoes are always difficult because I need mens but my foot is small and so I need to get a kids size that is wide enough for my feet. I have wide feet. I used to be able to get kids sneakers but they no longer came wide enough for my feet.

There is a therapist that I know from my Twitter days. She is now on Bluesky and does consultations. She does dream work and I am wondering if she could help me figure out the dreams and migraine situation. No medical doctor knows why they occur and they seem to think it is psychological. Only thing is, this therapist needs to be paid in cash, though she accepts donations now. I am going to contact her and see what she says.

I went to Starbucks as I wanted to read for a bit. I ordered a sandwich and a latte. As I was eating, I noticed the music was so fucking loud I could barely hear my earbuds. After eating, I was on my phone for a bit, checking social media when I just couldn’t take the music anymore. I had to leave. I was a block from the bus depot when the bus pulled out. I missed it. I had to wait for the next one, which luckily came in like fifteen minutes. As I was walking home, my ankle felt weak. Then when I got to my room and I had to lay down for a bit as I was fucking exhausted, stupid ankle flared up on me. I am in so much pain right now. I feel like I am being stabbed. I had to take a pain med, which means I will be toast for the rest of the day. I just want to relax until game time.

Some good news, sort of

I haven’t been sleeping well because my damn toothache has been keeping me up most of the night. I saw the dentist this afternoon and he was so nice and explained everything. He said that the baby teeth I have and the one on the left next to it needs to be extracted. The rest are just fillings. I don’t need a damn root canal like the other place said I did. I don’t know how much the extractions are going to cost as he referred me to a dentist outside of the office that kind of knocks you out, which is what I want. I got to call on Monday to find out the cost and see when I can get it done.

I didn’t have coffee this morning because I didn’t want to be in pain. I had a cold brew at Starbucks after my appointment and something to eat which set off the pain again. The dentist said to try and eat more on the left side than right as I have an exposed nerve that is causing the problem. It is all referred pain as there is nothing wrong with the top teeth. It is all coming from the bottom. I went to the butcher’s shop to pick up some burgers so I can have something decent to eat. I am kind of tired so I don’t know if I will make them tonight or not.

Mood wise, I feel really sad. I had a dream about my mother last night. I was kind of catastrophizing in the dream and I just wanted her to sit by me. She was in the other room watching TV. I miss her so much. There was some kind of safety knowing she was home and now that she isn’t here anymore, it is a little unsettling. I keep on feeling ok to being sad and depressed. I am not suicidal, which to me is really weird. I have fleeting thoughts of not wanting to be around anymore but they don’t go anywhere. They don’t hang around like they used to.

I am tired. Not sleeping at night is making the day time hours so horrible and because I can’t drink coffee like I used to, it sucks. The dentist put me on some antibiotics so I hope that helps. I managed to shower today and trim my beard some. I still need to shave my head. I don’t know if I will do it today. I don’t know what my problem is lately as all I want to do is lay down. I don’t want to do anything. I hardly leave the house for anything. My blood counts are good so it isn’t anemia. I know I don’t feel well the past few days but damn. I don’t get up in the morning anymore. I get up past 12 and if I don’t have a plan for the day, I am in bed, only leaving to use the bathroom and eat something. I have no energy. I really have to push through to get things done. I need to change my sheets sometime next week or maybe this weekend. I don’t know. My bed is a mess. I don’t really care either. Depression is bad.

Review and not feeling well

Here is a review for my book  https://bradmckenna.wordpress.com/2024/08/15/book-review-dont-call-me-daughter/

All week I have been dealing with toothaches. It started with one tooth now several are involved. I called a dentist and will be seen tomorrow. I need to leave early so I can go to my other dentist and get a copy of my xrays sent to the new place. I am in so much pain. I can’t even drink my coffee. I don’t know what set it off. I don’t know if the broken teeth have gotten worse or if it is the upper teeth. Ugh. I don’t have money to get this fixed. I am so screwed.

I didn’t sleep well last night. It was hard to be comfortable when in pain. I need to take a shower today. I stink again. I have been moving slow today. I got my appointment with the social worker mixed up. I thought the time was at 3 and it was at 2. Dammit. I hate when I screw up.

I got to plan on a day to go to the social security office next week to change my gender. I think I will go either Mon or Tues, if I can get out of bed at a decent time. I have had such difficulty getting out of bed the last few days. My alarm goes off at 8 and I just shut it off and go back to sleep, only to wake up after 12. I hope once this tooth doesn’t hurt anymore I will have a normal sleep/wake cycle again. I need to brush my teeth. Yesterday while rinsing my mouth, the water hurt my tooth so bad. I am fearful about brushing them again but it needs to be done.

It’s thundering and raining right now. I hope it doesn’t trigger a migraine. Since I changed my magnesium formula, I haven’t had a headache or migraine all week. I am wicked tired and just want to fucking sleep. Maybe I will get some burgers tomorrow after the dentist appointment. I don’t think I will eat today unless it is a PB&J sandwich. I had one last night for supper. It was so good. I loaded both sides of the bread with peanut butter.