midnightdemons7

it’s only Thursday

I woke up around 7 because I had to pee. I thought I would have a virtual meeting with the partial hospital but they wanted me to come in person and there was no way for me to get there. I have no idea where the place is and I know it’s more than an hour away by T. So I am not going into partial. They wanted me to reschedule but I am not going to.

I went back to sleep and then got up for a cup of coffee. It was so fucking humid in the kitchen and worse outside. It has been cloudy all day. I went out to get my meds and burgers. I also got some Italian Anise cookies as a treat. I didn’t go to Starbucks. I was satisfied with the one cup of coffee I had. I came home and I was sweating so much. My shirt was soaked. I was so tired from the heat. I came home just in time as it was starting to rain. Storms are moving in the area.

My textbook has arrived. I am going to be a nerd and start reading it next week. It’s behavioral neuroscience and my brain can get wonky trying to remember technical stuff about the brain. I used to know this shit like the back of my hand but meds and shit messed up my neurotransmitters. I don’t think like I used. I used to have a photographic memory but it’s been so shot I’m lucky if I remember what I have for breakfast.

Today just feels so long and I can’t believe it’s only Thursday and still July. I just feel like this month is never going to end. It just goes on and on. I’ll be glad when my DMH case worker is back. It has been a real help texting or calling her when I need support. I haven’t told anyone about the overdoses I took last week and I am not going to. I don’t understand why my sister wants me to take the barrels in when I am home. Sometimes I can’t walk the length of the driveway and back. Trash hasn’t been picked up yet, anyway. I need to bring my recycling and trash down. I will probably do it after I finish this blog as I need to go downstairs to get my Amazon delivery.

No game tonight. I don’t think I can stand watching them anymore. Of course I say this and the next game I still pay attention to. This weekend is the snakes at Fenway. The stupid change in weather has given me a damn headache and my sinuses hurt. I just want to fucking sleep.

A busy day

I woke up around 7 to pee and then I took my meds. I was able to get back to sleep for a few hours. I got up and it was non stop being on the phone for the next few hours. I had to call the pharmacy to get my migraine med filled. There was also a few other meds that were pending. I got a call from the partial hospital to confirm my appointment tomorrow will be virtual and not in person. They had already signed me up for the day and Friday. Friday I have an appointment with Mass Rehab so some meetings will have to be not attended.

I was so sleepy. I got my new internet router. I had to call to get it set up as there was some issue of course. It couldn’t be as easy as plugging it in and working right off the bat. I was on the phone with them for a while. I paid my DSL bill. I plan on canceling tomorrow, if I can find the right number to call. Jesus. I have like four different Verizon number in my contacts and I don’t know which number to call. I will sort it out tomorrow.

After all that I was tired. The Sox game was just getting started so I laid down for a bit but didn’t sleep. I got up a couple of hours later. Sox were losing big time. Score was 20-5 Rockies. JFC. I am glad I didn’t listen to the game. They have been such a disappointment since coming back from break. This is the 5^th game they have lost this week and this weekend we are playing the snakes. Ugh.

I paid most of my bills today. I haven’t ordered my groceries yet because I am not sure I can afford them until a few more bills clear. I ordered Taco Bell for lunch. I was dying for gorditos. I also ordered a quesadilla for later but I think I will have it tomorrow. I am too full. I will be taking my night meds soon. This day is just done for me.

Stinky, sweaty, and tired

I slept ok last night, waking up once to pee and then was able to get back to sleep. I was playing music when I slept but don’t remember shutting it off. I woke up late. I don’t even remember my med alarm going off this morning. I had three goals today. To pick up more half and half, shave, and shower. I just came home from the grocery store. I am so stinky and sweaty. I am also tired so shaving and showering might or might not happen. For some reason, my right leg is hurting me today. I have had such a difficult time walking. My calf seized up while I was trying to put on my sneakers. And then again while I was walking to the bus stop. I am glad I took a cab home from the grocery store because my bag was kind of heavy.

I had a roast beef sandwich and ice cream. I bought Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy and omg it was so good. Now I can’t decide which I like better, that or chocolate fudge brownie. I had planned on shaving after I ate but I got too hot. Now I need to cool off. The next time I use the bathroom I will shave. I don’t know about showering. I might have to do that in the morning. I got an early appointment with the NP tomorrow. If I get up around six, I might be able to shower.

I called the place where I want to have therapy and much to my disappointment, my wait period is now four to five months. I am so mad at this. I can’t be without a therapist for that length of time. I most certainly will end up in the hospital and it will fuck up school. I can’t have another breakdown while taking this neuroscience class.