midnightdemons7

Upsetting day

I slept for a few hours and then I was up at 145am. I stayed up and read for a few hours. Then I paid some bills and tried to go back to sleep. I wasn’t successful until after 7am. I woke up at 10 to pee and take my meds. I thought about ordering breakfast but by the time I checked my messages and notifications, it was after breakfast time at McDs. I ordered a pizza instead as I was craving it. I ordered an extra sprite so I could make my cake with blueberries. I ordered some groceries. I plan on making sausage, peppers, and potatoes this weekend. It has been a long time since I had it but it will be the first time making it.

After I had pizza, it was time for therapy. It was a good session. She seems really open to me talking and encouraged transference. Unfortunately, it was around the time that we were ending so I didn’t get into it but said it would probably be another session. I half wanted to tell her I had another therapist appt but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I am just looking. I still really feel she is too inexperienced for me.

I spent a an hour trying to get the puppy settled. She was upset that daddy left her as she just balled herself up in her crate away from the opening. I tried cuddling her but she didn’t want that. After she put herself in the crate again, I gave up and went upstairs to my room. It was around the time my niece would be coming home. About an hour later, I get a text from my insurance saying they are not covering the weight loss drug. It was after 5pm, on a damn Friday. I am so damn upset. I have to wait till Monday to talk to my doc about what to do on appealing. I just feel like I put myself out there and then got shot down. I have struggled with my weight for years and no matter what I do, I lose the same 10 to 20 pounds all the time. But this is the first time that I am seeking care for it. It just has me so upset.

I have been in pain the last twenty-four hours with my foot/ankle. I think the temp changes have fucked me up with the CRPS. I haven’t taken pain meds because the pain is tolerable but it is interfering with my sleep. Foot is either hurting or ice cold. Ankle just hurts to move it. Makes going up and down stairs difficult. I am glad it is so much cooler now. I can leave my room without getting sick from the heat. I hope it stays cool over the weekend so I can make a cake and maybe some cinnamon rolls.

Taking care of puppy

I woke up a few times this morning to pee. I took my meds around 9 and then went back to sleep only to wake up again to pee. I finally got up around noon. I didn’t want to do a damn thing today. It was cloudy and rainy all day. So I just sat with the puppy all day. I had my coffee. Then I nuzzled with the puppy. She was cuddling with me and kept sticking her nose in my chest. It was so cute. I was able to take a pic of when I had my hand next to her face. She just nuzzled me so much.

I tried to call and make an appt for a dental cleaning. I am still waiting to hear back from them as I had to text them for a quicker response. I also made an appt with my psychiatrist. I am tired. I haven’t done a thing all day. I had a salad and ice cream for my lunch/dinner. I wanted one of my frozen dinners but didn’t want to go to the basement. I took out a burger for tomorrow. My bitch sister ate my last pint of ice cream. I really should start docking the money I give her for the house. I pay out of my pocket for my food, not food stamps, which isn’t much to begin with.

I have therapy tomorrow. I tried working on the questions she gave me but they just made me angry and I couldn’t answer them. I don’t know why they anger me. It makes me think about things not related to the question. Like one of the questions is If food and movement weren’t tied to changing your body, what would your relationship with them look like? Making me think about my body and relationships (in general) and it depresses me.

I sent my psych a request for my psych meds as he hasn’t done it yet. I also got word from my insurance my pcp put in the authorization and they are reviewing it for the weight loss drug. I should have an answer sometime tomorrow or Monday. I am thinking of making a dish for the weekend if temps continue to be low. I will need to go to the grocery store to get the ingredients. Hopefully I can get to Market Basket and get them there. I will see if my sister can take me or my brother in law. My cousin is working so he can’t take me. I can take the T but it will make me more tired as I will have to go here and there. It will be like two buses each way. Maybe I can go to the Star Market in the square over the line and get them there. They have some good steaks. I haven’t had steak in a long time. Maybe I will go after therapy. If I can get my ass out of bed before noon. I will need to have my coffee if I am going to do anything. Two cups. Past few days I have only had one and then I go back to sleep. Today I stayed up a little while longer. I haven’t napped or laid down. Sox are off today. They will be at Fenway tomorrow night playing Houston. They are playing better but still six games behind. Need to have some more wins and the other teams need to lose more.

Tired of this heat

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I couldn’t get comfortable. I think I finally dozed for a bit after 7am. I took my meds and tried to go to sleep but I was keeping my ear open for a phone call to the new therapy place. They called around 11 and after three tries, I finally have an appt in a few weeks. My psychiatrist office called too. I will call them tomorrow.

I took care of the puppy today. She pooped and peed in the house after her daddy left or maybe as her daddy was here. I don’t know. I am getting pissed that he doesn’t let her out to do her business nor clean up after her when she does it on the kitchen floor. Like WTF, this is your dog. It was too hot to let her outside to sunbathe like she likes to do. I had my coffee while she sat by the door, or rather plumped herself down on the floor. I got a cute picture of her all twisted up with her laying on her back. Silly girl.

I had ice cream and rice for lunch. I ate the leftover steak tips at 3 this morning as I was hungry. I also had a ham roll up. Someone left the microwave a mess. I had to clean it when I heated up the rice. There was a bunch of food in the trash so I don’t know who did it. They were ramen noodles and I hope they weren’t mine.

It was hot today but not muggy. I sat outside with the dog for a bit. I didn’t stay too long as I didn’t want to get sick like I did yesterday. I tried to stay in my room as long as possible. I took a little nap, which helped. There were noises coming from downstairs but I couldn’t tell if they were outside or inside. I heard one big drop and got up to check on the puppy. She was just laying in bed doing nothing so it must have been outside. I have no idea what the fuck they were doing. The streets are still a disaster from the gas meter work they are doing.

I just looked at the therapy website to see if they had a picture of my therapist. They do and she seems like a good fit. Only problem is there is no way I can see her in person because she is way far west of me. She is even further than my former therapist that I had for sixteen years. I hope it works out and that when I say I have suicidal ideation, they don’t run. I met my psychiatrist yesterday and asked for refills but it doesn’t seem like it went through yet. It is mail order so sometimes it takes a day or two to go through. If it isn’t in by tomorrow, I will request it again. My pcp said she will be working on the weight loss drug by the end of the week. Hopefully it gets approved.

Heat exhaustion today

I spent time in the kitchen with the puppy because I wanted my coffee and I didn’t want to leave her alone. I became weak. I ordered lunch but I only ate a quarter of it. I am just not hungry. I feel so lightheaded. But my blood pressure is good. It came down.

I had an appt with my psychiatrist today. We talked about going on the weight loss drug. I also told him I needed refills. I haven’t heard from my pcp’s office about the prior authorization form yet. If I don’t hear from them by tomorrow or Thursday I will message them. I keep getting a message from my pharmacy to get it done. It is so annoying as they are the ones that are the hold up!!

Pollen count is elevated today and I have been sneezing most of the day. I just feel really shitty. I had a hard time getting up today. I wanted to spend the afternoon reading my book but I am too restless. Last night I got so revved up I couldn’t sleep. I finally settled down after some Ativan. I was listening to my favorite country station on Pandora. I also read a few chapters in my book. I want to try and be done with it by the end of the week so I can start reading my psych textbook. I got to get the remaining two textbooks this week when I get paid. I have to get them through the bookstore as they are some portal thingy for the classes I am taking. Like the portal the university has isn’t enough. I have one month off and then classes start the beginning of Sept. I can’t wait.

TODAY is Wil Wheaton’s birthday. I always think it is the 28^th but it’s not. It’s the 29^th! Today! So Happy Birthday, my crush since I was a teen. I still love him. He is a brilliant guy and funny. I love his wife too who is crazy about animals. Today is also Moo Deng’s birthday, the little hippo that made internet sensation last year. It is still adorable.