midnightdemons7

Goals for the day completed

I managed to get up before noon. I had three goals today, shower, brush my teeth, and pick up my meds. I had to have coffee but I decided to shower before having a cup. It was wicked hot in the house. Temps were in the upper 80s but it felt like it was in the 90s. So muggy. I really didn’t’ want to go out.

I managed the shower after I said my hellos to the puppy. I brushed my teeth and that didn’t go so well as I was gagging for some reason. I managed though. Then I had my coffee. I only had one cup because it was so hot out. The puppy peed in the kitchen again and I couldn’t stand the smell. I made my niece’s boyfriend clean it up. It was around 2pm by the time I was done and I decided to take a Lyft to the Square. I didn’t feel like rushing to catch the bus nor waiting for the next one. I ordered a refresher at Starbucks. I wasn’t feeling a latte today. I got my meds. The pharmacist had to speak to me about the Ativan interacting with some of my meds. I go through this every month.

The bus wasn’t for another 15 mins. I listened to Taylor and drank my drink. My legs felt like jelly as I was walking. I think it was because of the heat. I also became wicked out of breath easily. I took my time walking home, including stopping a couple of times. I was so winded when I reached my house. I sat on the porch for a bit.

I made a burger for lunch. It was a thick pub burger. I cooked it for 10 minutes and it was still red inside. It was good though. I am going to have ice cream for dinner. I really hope the ice cream isn’t reconstituted after being out in the heat for an hour. That will suck. I hate refrozen ice cream.

I had a weird dream I was with my high school best friend and we were living together but couldn’t let our parents know that we had cats. It was so strange. I woke up with a damn headache for some reason. My dreams have been so weird lately. And I keep getting headaches. I don’t see the neurologist until next month. I still have the shakes. They are worse when I am trying to sleep. I might have to get my liver enzymes tested again. I will see. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. So weird that I didn’t get like a million notifications telling me of the appt. I need a few med refilled so I am glad I am seeing him so I don’t have to put in a request.

I am feeling lightheaded. I only had one cup of coffee. Then I had 20 ounces of the refresher and a 12 ounce can of seltzer. I have been slowly drinking some powerade. I am going to recheck my blood pressure because it is high at 151/100 and my pulse is 96. I hate when the heat makes me feel sick. I have been in the AC in my room. I am not wearing my shirt. It’s 69 degrees in my room. I need a nap but if I take one I will be up all night. Sucks.

Saturday Blog 26072025

I really hate that I cannot get all my meds delivered like I used to. I was able to get my migraine med delivered but the others I have to pick up. I will do that Monday as tomorrow the bus schedule sucks.

I had a very vivid dream I went to the hospital where the bottom surgery consult was and I got lost. I ended up first on the wrong floor and then I was in the inpatient side of the unit but I couldn’t walk so someone got me a wheelchair and was wheeling me around. My mother was there and I was wheeling her somewhere. I ended up losing her. Then they handed me her things. I knew it was a dream and I tried to wake up but I just couldn’t. It just seemed to go on and on.

I ended up waking up around 3pm. It was too late to have coffee. I wasn’t hungry but I had some cereal. Then some cookies and then some potatoes. I didn’t want anything else. I thought about ordering something but I had food in the house. I really didn’t know what I wanted. I thought about getting steak tips but I had a lot of burgers last night and I am good for meat right now. Then I thought about getting Kung Pao. I still might get that tomorrow. My sister got the orange chicken from Panda Express that is really good so I might get a bowl of that too just to have for lunch on Monday.

I am having major cramps in my foot right now. I haven’t drank a lot of water even though I feel thirsty. I always get cramps in my feet. I hate it because there is nothing I can do about it. Sox are losing. They lost last night too. They are playing the Dodgers. They just took the lead in the 3^rd. Duran denied an inside the park homerun. So close, too!

Therapy Friday 25072025

I didn’t sleep again last night and my delivery stayed an hour outside in the heat because I didn’t look at my text messages. It was going off and I was just like shut up. I wanted to sleep. When I woke up I realized it could have been the delivery and it was and I quickly took my meds and went downstairs to put stuff away. My ice cream was really soft. I was so mad at myself.

I had a cup of coffee and played with the puppy before therapy. I wanted to shower but it wasn’t happening. The house was a million degrees and I couldn’t tolerate it. I wanted to be with the puppy so she wasn’t alone but her room didn’t have the AC on and she doesn’t like cold.

Therapy went ok. I didn’t talk to her about anything I wanted to talk to her about regarding my suicidality. She brought it up but we didn’t delve into it. I brought up my body image issues so we discussed that. Before we ended, she gave me some questions to think about for next week. I just went over them and it is thought provoking. It is something I will have to sit and think about. I know part of the reason I have issues is because my father harped on my weight by calling me fat and ugly for years. My therapist called them opinion distortions or something along those lines. They aren’t facts.

Next week I will find out about the weight loss drug approval or not. I saw one report that in eight months, you can lose sixty pounds. That would be my goal. I want to be around 160 but Ideally would love to be 140. But I want to lose slow enough that I don’t have skin hanging off me.

I am wicked tired. I spent so much time in the heat and it just exhausted me. I didn’t shower like I wanted to today. I didn’t even brush my teeth. Try again tomorrow. There was a meme that I will share in this post about courage and trying again tomorrow. I found it meaningful and spot on for me. I don’t know if I will shave my head tomorrow. It is getting a bit long for a razor. I will try it but I might have to let it grow and then buzz it to start over.