midnightdemons7

Some goals done today

I woke up early and would have stayed up but the puppy peed and shit in the kitchen. I didn’t want to clean it up. I left it and told my niece to tell her boyfriend to do it. Either he ignored her or she never told him. Either way, the mess was there a few hours later when I wanted coffee. I cleaned it up but the smell was still present. I was not happy. I didn’t want to do anything. And I had things to do.

I forced myself to make something to eat as I had to make the burger before it went bad. Then I shaved my head. I took off my beard down to a stubble and then took a shower. I had to sit down a few times because I was so exhausted. I didn’t bring my clothes down so I just wrapped a towel around me. It was just me and the puppy home. I tried to find a black pair of shorts but I have no idea where I saw them. I couldn’t find them but found a blue pair. I also thought I threw a pair of underwear on the bed but I didn’t. After I rested and drank some water, I went back downstairs. I played with the puppy then attempted to load the dishwasher. I loaded the dishes and a pan that I used for the burger. There were pans in the sink but they were too big for the washer. My hands were greasy from the shit and I was getting pissed off because of it. I just left the stuff and played with the puppy but she didn’t want any of it. I let her be and went up to my room to cool off. I was sweating my ass off.

I am now cooling off and drinking fluids. I keep getting cramps in my chest. I just took my relaxer. There was a mix up with my meds. For some reason my Latuda got sent to my pcp’s office instead of my psychiatrist. I was wondering why he didn’t send it in. Now I have to wait. I also sent a message about the weight loss drug but haven’t heard back yet. I am hungry again and think I am going to have a salad. It’s my last salad kit that I bought. They are so easy. I love them.

Sunday Dinner

I woke up sneezing my head off and it continued when I went downstairs to make a cup of coffee, I actually made two before going downstairs to my sister’s. I had to go to the basement because I was going to make my lemon blueberry cake but the blueberries went bad when the freezer did. So I added them to my grocery order.

I came upstairs and played my game for a bit then started making my sausage, pepper, onion, and potatoes dish. I asked my sister how to make it as this was my first time. I used one bag of potatoes. It came out good. My niece kept eating the potatoes. She made mac and cheese but I was so full from the sausage dish I couldn’t eat it.

I had a third cup of coffee while the potatoes were cooking. I also had a glass of water because I was so damn thirsty. It was so hot in the kitchen. My cousin came by to shave the back of my neck. It hasn’t been done in a while. I sat outside afterwards and it was cooler on the deck than in the house. I went upstairs and finally bought Mary Chapin Carpenter’s latest album and it is so awesome. So different than her previous albums. I love it. I so want to see her in Sept. If there is tickets still available, I might get one and forgo something.

I am feeling so tired. I had to take a Benadryl. The sneezing is just not stopping. I have no idea why I am sneezing so much. The pollen count isn’t that high, though it is grass and nettle. I am allergic to grass. My nose hurts so much.

I did my meds for the week. I want to shower but there are no clean towels. I just ordered some as for some reason our full cabinet is only down to like 3 towels. They aren’t as thick as I was hoping. I am glad I bought my own pod detergent because we are out. I really want to shower either tonight or tomorrow. I need to shave my head. That will be tomorrow so I might as well shower tomorrow.

Upsetting day

I slept for a few hours and then I was up at 145am. I stayed up and read for a few hours. Then I paid some bills and tried to go back to sleep. I wasn’t successful until after 7am. I woke up at 10 to pee and take my meds. I thought about ordering breakfast but by the time I checked my messages and notifications, it was after breakfast time at McDs. I ordered a pizza instead as I was craving it. I ordered an extra sprite so I could make my cake with blueberries. I ordered some groceries. I plan on making sausage, peppers, and potatoes this weekend. It has been a long time since I had it but it will be the first time making it.

After I had pizza, it was time for therapy. It was a good session. She seems really open to me talking and encouraged transference. Unfortunately, it was around the time that we were ending so I didn’t get into it but said it would probably be another session. I half wanted to tell her I had another therapist appt but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I am just looking. I still really feel she is too inexperienced for me.

I spent a an hour trying to get the puppy settled. She was upset that daddy left her as she just balled herself up in her crate away from the opening. I tried cuddling her but she didn’t want that. After she put herself in the crate again, I gave up and went upstairs to my room. It was around the time my niece would be coming home. About an hour later, I get a text from my insurance saying they are not covering the weight loss drug. It was after 5pm, on a damn Friday. I am so damn upset. I have to wait till Monday to talk to my doc about what to do on appealing. I just feel like I put myself out there and then got shot down. I have struggled with my weight for years and no matter what I do, I lose the same 10 to 20 pounds all the time. But this is the first time that I am seeking care for it. It just has me so upset.

I have been in pain the last twenty-four hours with my foot/ankle. I think the temp changes have fucked me up with the CRPS. I haven’t taken pain meds because the pain is tolerable but it is interfering with my sleep. Foot is either hurting or ice cold. Ankle just hurts to move it. Makes going up and down stairs difficult. I am glad it is so much cooler now. I can leave my room without getting sick from the heat. I hope it stays cool over the weekend so I can make a cake and maybe some cinnamon rolls.