midnightdemons7

Nor’easter and headaches don’t mix

I have had a headache for two days now. Nothing is helping. Yesterday I got a migraine and took something and I think I did today too. I don’t remember. The headache is making me so tired. I got some stuff done today. I washed the clothes I’ve been wearing all semester and emptied the dishwasher. It killed my back.

I think tomorrow I am going to pack a bag and next week get admitted. Today the house passed a bill that is not only banning trans care for Medicaid, but also bans it from the ACA, I will die without my hormones. I don’t have anything producing sex hormones right now so need the testosterone. The bill also cuts Medicaid and Medicare as well as food stamps, all giving the tax cut to the damn billionaires. So they get richer, we get poorer. Fair system. NOT.

My DMH worker is clueless about trans care. I don’t think she gets it at all. I texted my therapist but she didn’t respond. I talk to her tomorrow anyways. I had started a supplement for migraines but now I think I might have to stop it as my liver enzymes are up. My neuro is going to check them in a few weeks and I need to make sure I am hydrated. That is always difficult for me as I don’t drink during the day and I am out of my Powerade.

I am craving a fucking burger so damn bad. I must be anemic or something. I hope I get paid tomorrow or I will be fucking screwed with my bill pay as Monday is a holiday and Saturday my bank doesn’t process deposits. I have bills going out on the 26^th but I didn’t realize it was a holiday when I made those plans. I had burritos tonight for dinner. I got to brush my teeth as I got food stuck in my broken tooth. I meant to do it before coming up to my room but forgot. Sometimes I just want to sit on my bed after sitting in a chair for a bit. I need my legs up. My niece put the heat on so my room isn’t 57 degrees anymore. My bitch sister hasn’t come home yet. I don’t know what is wrong with her, she has been quiet lately. Yesterday she came home from work and just went to her room without saying anything to anyone. But both of my sisters still get their periods and it is rough on them so maybe that is why.

I was hoping to do some reading today but my head hurts too much. I found out I got an A in my English class. Italian is still pending. I am so happy I got an A. I got to call my psychiatrist’s office tomorrow. I just realized I never made a follow up appt with him. So many appts I need to make. I hate making phone calls. I did make the one phone call to the billing of my therapist’s office. Until they change my name, I am not paying them. Also need to find out why some copays are like $5 and others are $15. Like, it was this year, why the difference? I hate insurances but it is so needed. I honestly think copays are ridiculous as you are already paying for the insurance. Why do you need to pay more for visits, to actually use your plan??

Nor’easter heading this way

We are having a late Nor’easter coming tomorrow that is supposed to give us a ton of rain. It has been cold today. My room is freezing. I just put on a long sleeve shirt. I’ve had a headache all day so a storm is coming. I don’t know how bad it will be.

I went to my therapist office today. I went a different way and it took nearly an hour as opposed to a half hour the other way. I think it was because of the bus. Anyway, I will try another station next week. We didn’t talk much about anything. I felt like I overshared. I didn’t tell her I was close to overdosing last night. I can’t get it out of my head now. I feel like I just confuse her.

I came home and I was wicked exhausted but starving. All I had to eat today was a protein bar and one cup of coffee. I made some pasta with cheddar. It was good. I can’t wait to get my grocery order placed. I want pancakes. Maybe I will make them tomorrow. I have nothing to do. I forgot to get my library book. Maybe I will get it Friday before my therapy appt. I am not going anywhere tomorrow in the rain.

I was doing some research last night. I found that there was a paper about impulsive suicide attempts. It was a good paper. I also sent my therapist a paper on ASAD and SCS. They are similar and then I read a paper on the three step theory of suicide which sound more like the Interpersonal theory of suicide. I still haven’t told my therapist I am a suicidologist. I don’t know why I am keeping this from her.

I got a bill from my therapist office with my deadname and I was billed with another provider. How fucked up is this?? I am going to yell at them tomorrow. For fucks sake. It has been like more than 5 months I have been seeing her. I am so pissed. I don’t know what the hell their deal is. I won’t pay it until it is in my name, my LEGAL name.

I got up early as I had a medical appt. I had a cup of coffee and then left the house. I was wicked early for the appt. I got a vaginal infection. I’m on antibiotics. After the appt, I went to get my labs done. My liver enzymes are slightly elevated. I hope I don’t have to lower my dose of depakote. It’s really been helping with the headaches. I’ll find out tomorrow.

After that I went and picked up my meds. I also got something to eat. There’s this Korean rice dish I found that I really like. Unfortunately, I can’t find it in the grocery store. Maybe the Asian market in the Square will sell it cheaper than the pharmacy. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to get burgers or the rice dish. Least I didn’t have to cook. I’m still craving a burger. When I get paid I am heading to the pub for one.

I came home and I’ve been sleepy. I rested a few times but didn’t manage to sleep. I took the antibiotic when I came home around noon so I need to be up to at least 10 tonight so I can have 2 doses. NP wants me to have at least that today.

I made an egg burrito for supper. I didn’t know what else to have. My food choices are limited until I can do my grocery order. It’s going to be a lot this month because I didn’t go shopping last month. My bare essentials are gone.

I have therapy tomorrow. I am hoping to have it in person. It’s supposed to be a drizzly day so I probably won’t go to the beach afterwards. It’s also going to be in the 40s. I thought winter was over but apparently it’s still showing up.

I had some fun tonight. It was exhausting.

Someone posted this and I absolutely love it.