midnightdemons7

Saturday Blog 25102025

I woke up at 245am to pee and then had an insight into my final paper. I had to write it down so I wrote a paragraph and then an outline for it. I sent it to my professor to see if it was what she is looking and it’s not. So I am back to square one. She did give me the go ahead to do a historical search on suicide, which was nice. I just finished “Definition of Suicide” by Shneidman so that helps.

I couldn’t go back to sleep so I read for about an hour and a half. Tried going back to sleep and failed. I just laid down. I forgot I set my alarm because my pharmacy order was to be delivered in the morning and I wanted to be up. I didn’t get up. I got a notification the meds were delivered. I was surprised it was delivered without a handoff. Usually you have to physically accept it.

I have been playing my game most of the day and doomscrolling the chaos that is the US. I ordered a bone for my puppy and she devoured it in like 20 mins. It was totally disintegrated. Kept her quiet for a little while. I still have treats for her. I give her like handfuls at a time because they are so small. I didn’t realize how mini they were.

I have done nothing since this morning for school work and I need to start my group paper. I also need to shower. I think it will feel good to shower. I still have this cold. But the cough is gone. I just have a runny nose. I feel so tired. I think I will nap and then shower. I don’t know what I am going to do for dinner. I had uncrustables with my coffee. I ordered them when I got my Gatorade. They are good. I just hope no one in my family eats them. My ramen noodles are gone and I am not happy about that. I want to get some chicken breast to make a chicken dish. I just don’t know what to make. I need to get ground beef because I wanted Sloppy Joes the other day and wasn’t able to find them in the store. Now I want Sloppy Joes. If I make the chicken and the beef, I will have some meals for at least a week.

I got a headache. I am really feeling exhausted. I had a slight urge to do something but haven’t moved. I need to refill my water bottle. Last night while I was up, I was wicked thirsty. I hope I can do the two things I need to for my class for credit and extra credit. I hope to do that later tonight or tomorrow.

Always something

I got into a really rotten mood last night. I was restless and felt like I had to do something. A friend said to write but I didn’t feel like writing. I did what my mind wanted me to. Now I am one step closer to my plan than before.

I had a good sleep and woke up around 8 to take my meds. I stayed in bed for a couple of hours and then got up around noon. I checked to see if my migraine med was ready and it was not so I just made coffee. I didn’t have anything with it and I didn’t feel like cooking. My cold is slowly getting better. I think it is because I am resting so much.

I ordered some gatorades and some chamomile tea. I also got an ice cream because I have been craving it. I shoved everything into my freezer but it wouldn’t close so I had to take the stuff out of the box. Oh well.

My niece came home and told me our outdoor cat that has been living with us for at least 10 years has cancer. I don’t know how much longer she has. I feel bad for my other niece who has been taking care of her all this time.

I had my zoom meeting last night with my group. Someone picked the thing I had wanted so I had to pick something else. I will research it this weekend. I still need to do the thing for the week and the extra credit. It should be easy. I just have to get my ass to read chapter 10. I have been reading in the evening before bed and that has been working out because then it makes me sleepy and I can go right to sleep afterwards (usually).

I weighed myself today. I am 203.4 so lost 3 lbs since last week. I am going to try and eat less this week. I really want to go below 200 within the next few weeks. I will be going on a higher dose of the weight loss drug next week. Other than heartburn, I haven’t had too much stomach trouble. My gallbladder pain has calmed down a lot this week. I hope it stays calmed down.

Last night I was thinking of my mother. She would start baking next week in anticipation of my sister’s birthday, and the coming birthdays. November is birthday month. A lot of people were born more in this month than any other. I hate it because it means seeing family more and then you got Turkey day and that brings it’s own set of troubles. I thought I was going to be able to spend Turkey day with my friend but she won’t be in town. I still don’t know what the plan is for my family. They had talked about going to Maine for the weekend. I don’t want to go that far. I rather stay close to home. Last year we went over my aunt’s. It was nice. We were all missing my mother. I missed her stuffing and chocolate chip cookies. And her biscottis. Those were so good. I would have a few of them for breakfast some times. I should learn how to make it but you have to roll out the dough and I hate that part of recipe.

Another weekend. Monday I think I will return the library books that I borrowed. I got to vote next week, in person, because I didn’t get my mail in ballot. I don’t know why I didn’t get it. But I hear the voting board has been messed up this year. A lot of people didn’t get their ballots.

Feeling shitty

I didn’t sleep last night because of this stupid cold I got. I was coughing and miserable. I finally took some Nyquil around 1am. That helped and I snoozed a bit. I kept having weird dreams. I heard my sister get up for work. I waited till she came back to her room because I had to pee.

I got up really late, too late to go shopping so I asked my sister to take me to the grocery store. I literally bought three things and it was twenty bucks. I couldn’t get the cheese I wanted. I couldn’t find the ground beef so I got burgers. I wanted to make Sloppy Joes so it would last a few days for a few meals at least. Oh well. I didn’t buy Gatorade because I didn’t have the money. I will have to buy it on Friday when my check comes in. I also got to get chamomile tea. I like that when I am sick.

I am so tired. I haven’t eaten anything yet today. I don’t have much of an appetite. I am going to make a burger for dinner. I bought yogurt so I will have that in the morning. This cold is taking all my energy to stay awake.

I went downstairs to see my niece as she was visiting for a few minutes. I haven’t seen her in weeks. My sister that I am ok with said I smell. I took a shower last night so I have no idea how I smell. I didn’t sweat that much. Maybe my shirt does. I don’t know. It has been on my bed for a bit. I still need to change my sheets. Maybe I will do that tomorrow. I have no idea where to put my old laptop. It still works but is slow as fuck. I don’t want to get rid of it because it might have files I need. I am so tired of both my sisters saying I smell all the time.