Overextended myself today

I made it downstairs for dinner. Made a second plate and my foot went ballistic. Took me an hour for it to settle just so I could stand. My youngest sister was up the house. I reached the stairs and she said why am I in pain with “all the pain meds I take”. She doesn’t get it & I was hurting too much to explain. I just shrugged and climbed the stairs to my room. My mother wanted me to sit on the couch but I couldn’t sit anymore. I needed my bed so I could put my leg up. I wish they would research what I have rather than jump to the conclusion I am on meds so therefore I am “better”. I honestly don’t know if I can make my appointments next week. I know I overextended myself today. Just hate that my family doesn’t support me as much as I support them.

and I’m in a flare. Shower was the killer. Thought I could do it. I am so sad. Why does activities have to be so damn hard? Why do we have to choose spoons every single day? So sick of this. And now I got to choose my pain meds or I will run out by the end of the month due to “complications and harms”. I am so bullshit.

Fuck a duck. After my coffee, I decided to get the ingredients for the buffalo cauliflower bites. Then went to the meat shop for steak tips and pork chops (pork chops were on sale). Went to the wine store for my mother but they didn’t have her wine. Barber didn’t have my baking dish so I just went home. Fucking cauliflower and other shit was heavy. My arm and back hurts. Forget about my damn fucking bastard ankle. Even though I wore the boot, it is still angry. So damn tired. Least I have dinner for tonight. My mother was happy I got the pork chops. Just need to make mashed potatoes and dinner will be good.

Sorry this is out of order. Just cut and pasting what I posted on FB today. I took my pain meds and night meds so I am kind of goofy and sleepy. I did a lot going to the stores but the shower really killed me. Hope I get some sleep and don’t throw up.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

5 thoughts on “Overextended myself today”

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s