Saturday Blog 24062023

Saturday Blog 24062023

I am having my second cup of coffee in my room. I just had a burger my sister made last night with my first cup of coffee. I had some chips and salsa but the salsa didn’t taste as good as I thought it would be. It was mango by Newman’s Own. I like the pineapple one better. It is sweet and hot at the same time. So good.

I woke up at 3pm today. I didn’t mean to sleep so late but I was up till 3am so I was tired. I sent my psychiatrist a message around 1 or 2am saying I wasn’t going to go in the hospital. I finished the book Choosing to Live and I feel hopeful that I can handle things a little better. My therapist might be furious with me but I don’t care. I am not planning on seeing her this coming week. I just can’t. She can be so condescending. Sometimes I really don’t think she has a clue how hard depression and chronic illness can be. My psychiatrist just responded and hopes to see me sooner than Aug to discuss my sleep issues. I think it is just PTSD that wakes me up and keeps me up as I am still “hearing out” for my mother. I don’t know what else it could be.

I need to do my meds for the week. I am still taking the iron pills. When I am done with the prescription, I will stop taking them. The doc said I just need to take them for a month and then recheck my blood work. I haven’t been eating any iron rich foods. I barely have eaten anything other than burgers and cauliflower. The burger I had today will probably be the only thing that I eat. I hope I can keep up with my fluid intake because I have been sweating since getting up. It is so muggy today despite the temps being in the 70s.

I was reaching for my nail clippers and knocked my water bottle off my night stand. Fuck. Water got on some books. Luckily I had a towel in my room to wipe it up. UGH. I am thirsty. I don’t know why when I drink water, that is all I want to drink. I usually alternate between water and Gatorade. I am just sweating a lot and don’t want to get dehydrated as then I will really feel like shit. My chest has been sweating so bad since I got up. It is soaking wet. I’m probably going to have to shower tomorrow.

Sox are tied in Chicago playing the White Sox. I have to make sure I include Red in my tweets so that people know which Sox I am talking about. A couple of my former favorite players are on the team. I miss them. I am glad they are playing in the afternoon. I have only been up for a couple of hours and already I want to go to bed. I am so fricken tired all of a sudden. I don’t know if I will be able to sleep but I just want to lie down. Heat isn’t helping.