Bad night and what is sleep?
I slept for a couple of hours last night as I went to bed early (before 9pm). I woke up a little after 0030 from a bad dream and another headache. I seriously was in a lot of pain but I couldn’t take anything for it because I knew it would go away on its own. About twenty minutes later, the headache was on its way out. I decided to read for a bit. I was up till around 0400. I was in the middle of a weird dream when my alarm went off. Luckily, I didn’t have a severe headache. I took my meds. I got an email from the SNAP benefits office. I had to submit my wages. I am like, I don’t have wages as I don’t work. It took like two phone calls to get someone. They needed documentation that I had disability payments so I sent them what I get a month. I am not hopeful in getting benefits now. I probably “make too much”.
I got up and made some coffee before having to run to the pharmacy to get my vaccinations for flu and Covid. I also got some coffee and a bag of chips before leaving. I needed coffee. They were out of Pike so I got the McDonalds Breakfast Blend. It was decent.
I feel tired. Yesterday I had EMDR in therapy. It got a lot more intense. I was feeling a lot of things. I really hated my mother for doing what she did to me. And also, it was a fucking confusing time as my mother made me see a plastic surgeon when I was thirteen. They were talking about reducing the breast that was bigger but I was like, take them both OFF. I didn’t fucking want them. And the idea I had to wear a bra. So humiliating. I’ve been experiencing “ghost” sensations since therapy. I just feel like there is something heavy on my chest but there is nothing there. It doesn’t hurt. I have no other cardiac symptoms, though I had palpitations twice today. It has been in the high 80s to mid 90s so I am not so worried about it. I think it is mostly anxiety from the trauma that I have been experiencing with the EMDR.
I cannot wait till Halloween. I have my CT appointment then and hopefully, it will tell me why I have the headaches. I see my neuro next week so it will be good I am getting both done in the same week.
Friday, Taylor is releasing 1989 TV. I cannot wait. It is also the start of LGBTQ+ writers weekend and I plan on going. I hope I can get pointers on how to sell my book. I hope I meet someone I can keep in touch with.
midnightdemons7 