feeling sick and depressed

Feeling sick and depressed

I had a difficult night sleeping. The usual of weird dreams and headaches. I woke up a little before my med alarm. I got up when it went off. I took my meds and then went downstairs to use the bathroom and make a cup of coffee. I was running low on half and half and I wasn’t sure how many cups I could make. I made one and drank it in the kitchen. I am out of my Belvita cookies. I wasn’t in the mood to make something so I just had the coffee. I then went up to my room. I booted up my laptop and decided I needed another cup of coffee for therapy. I still had time before my appointment. I brought the cup up with me. I drank it as I waited for my therapist to log on.

The first thing we talked about was how pissed I was at her. She clarified that the break was outside of therapy, not in therapy, which made me feel a little better. We spent most of the session talking about things I could do that were not suicide related stuff. It is hard because I have worked with suicide research for so long. I really don’t mind it and it doesn’t overwhelm me.

I was feeling ok enough to venture out to the grocery store. I knew it was going to tire me out though but I had money for a cab if I felt like I couldn’t make it back to the bus stop when I was done. Walking there after I got off the bus stop was hard. I felt my chest getting tight and by the time I reached the store I was wheezing again. I felt short of breath. I quickly got the items I needed. I wanted a big thing of peanut butter but it was too expensive. I’ll get it when I place my monthly grocery order. I just got a small jar that was nearly a quarter of the big jar and cost like half. It is ridiculous how they have these prices for things. I sat outside after I paid and called for a cab. I was congested and wheezy but not too bad. I made it up the stairs and I started coughing from the congestion. I put the pizza in the oven and waited. I got hungry. I started eating chips and then decided to make a sandwich. The pizza was ready but it was too hot to eat. I finished the sandwich and then had a few slices of pizza before I felt full.

I felt tired so went up to my room. I tried to nap and I snoozed for a bit until my sister called and the ringtone scared the shit out of me. It was so fucking loud. I had a headache and I didn’t want to move or get up. I don’t feel too well. I am still tired and headachy. I keep on sneezing and my nose is congested. I think I might have a cold or the beginning of one. I have no fever but I don’t know if this is allergies because my eyes keep tearing as well. I just feel run down. I know part of it is because I am not sleeping well. I am not really napping during the day but I tend to go to bed early if I don’t lie down. Last night I tried to stay up as long as I could so I wouldn’t be up at 0100 and I still woke up at that fucking hour. I know I read for a bit but I don’t remember what I read. I just did a covid test and I am negative. I will retest if I feel poorly in a day or two.

I have so much to do tomorrow. The water meter guy is supposed to come to change out the meter. I have to let him in. I have my T shot. I need to pick up the new migraine med. Then I am to help my sister make dinner for my sister. It is my middle sister’s birthday tomorrow. I also have a webinar to go to. A busy day and I hope I get some decent sleep without headaches throughout the night.