The 3 AM Blog

The 3 AM blog

I just finished having pumpkin pie. It is one of my favorite pies at Thanksgiving. I had a good Thanksgiving, or what I like to call, Turkey Day. I spent it with friends who live south of Boston. It was a very good time, good food, and good laughs. My friend’s husband picked us up and drove us home so that was really nice of them. No public transportation. Around 1830 yesterday, my ankle started to act up and unfortunately, flared up by the time I got home. It is still hurting me as the pain is down to the bones and there is a storm coming this weekend. We are supposed to get wintery stuff. Last I checked, the weathermen didn’t know if it was going to be snow or rain. I haven’t looked to see what they decided. It is supposed to end sometime Monday morning. I need to know whether or not it is going to be icy as I have an appointment that morning with urology. I need to make the appointment because my bladder is still giving me problems. I keep having spasms while cathing. I sent my urologist a message last night and she said to stop one of the medications I am on as it causes spasms. So now I am down to two urinary meds. She wants me to switch to another medication but she wanted me to get the price for it first. She gave me a website to see how much it would cost but I told her, right now I don’t pay anything. In January, I will and generics will be $10-$20, $50-$70 for brand name. I haven’t heard back so maybe Monday she will decide what to do.

The pain levels have been unheard of. Pain kept on going from a 14 to a 16, down to a 12 then back up to a 14 after movement of some sort. At one point I was crying because I was just hurting so damn much. I really wanted to die. I ordered some stuff and it will arrive next week. Tuesday I have the neurosurg appointment and will decide whether or not to stay then depending on what the doctor has to say.

The therapist had said that she has a lot of time saved up that she has to use before it gets lost. So I might not be seeing her as much this month as she needs to take time off. I find this kind of weird as she has only been with the hospital for 3 years. You typically don’t get that much earned time during the first few years you start working. It gets more the longer you stay but not until after the 5 year vested pin has been issued. It just seems weird, unless she was working in another department in the hospital and just 3 years in the department she is now. That would make more sense. It kind of messes up my plans on whether or not to stay in therapy if I am not going to see her that much. Maybe seeing her less will be better for a while and then when she is back to working more regularly, we can then work on some things, like a specific trauma. I would like to talk more about the abuse that happened with my mother and the rape that I have never spoken about. She has pointed out to me several times that she doesn’t know my background on things so it is a fresh relationship. I told her about the second relationship I had and not the first. I will get around to it one day.

any thoughts?

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