legs don’t want to work

Legs don’t want to work

My legs hurt today for some reason. I wish I could say that it is because I walked too much or something but I haven’t done anything the past few days. Other than leaving the house Monday for my MRI, I haven’t left the house. I just showered and I feel a little bit better. My groceries will be arriving soon. Just hope I can go up and down stairs.

My surgeon got back to me. I will see her next week for the discharge that I have. Sucks that I have to go through this another week. I was hoping that it was done but when I looked at the pad before taking it off for my shower there was some yellow stuff on it. I don’t care I am wearing boxers today. I will change into underwear before bed. I was getting chafed by the underwear elastic because I got a size too small. I need a break. I still have a stitch on my belly. I don’t know why it is still hanging on me. I tried to gently remove it but it is stuck on me pretty good. I will have the surgeon look at it if it is still there next week.

I don’t know what to do today. It is cloudy and muggy. I might go to the square this afternoon to mail my letter and get some cheese. I want to make a grilled cheese sandwich. I am really craving a bowl of Chex cereal. My groceries came and I don’t feel like doing anything now. I am so damn tired. I made quiche for lunch and am pretty full. I also had my second cup of coffee. I have been having at least two to three cups a day and I am still tired. It was muggy in the kitchen so I opened the door. It is cooler outside than it is in the house. I am sweating though. My mother called me to tell me to pick up the milk from my cousin. Going up and down stairs really exhausted me.

I am glad I checked when I am seeing my uro NP tomorrow. I thought it was at 2 and it is at 1. We have a lot to discuss. Since stopping the Flomax I am finding it easier to cath. I don’t get the urge as much but I keep track of the hours in between caths. It still hurts when I void so I cath when I can. I also increased the tolterodine and that has helped a lot. I don’t know what the NP will say to this but we will see. I think she will be ok with it.

Rude Awakening

Rude awakening

I woke up in the wee hours because I had to pee. I had cathed and didn’t drink anything afterwards but that doesn’t mean my kidneys stop working. I emptied and stayed up for a little bit to check on the Sox game. We won 8-4. I wish we won more games than we lost. Seems for every game we win, we lose 2-3 games. I went back to sleep and woke up around 630 to pee again. I laid down again and my med alarm went off. I then snoozed lightly. I don’t know what time it was but my sister fucking slammed her door and scared the shit out of me. I woke up so damn startled. I was up but I tried to get back to sleep but I couldn’t. around 930 my surgeon’s nurse called me. I still have discharge. She said she will talk to the doc and get back to me either this afternoon or tomorrow morning. UGH. I also said I requested some more ibuprofen but haven’t heard back. Her response was that the surgeon was busy. No fucking shit.

I got up to have coffee. I didn’t eat anything. I wasn’t really hungry. It was hot in the kitchen. I drank my coffee and then went back to my room to cool off. My mother asked if I was going to the grocery store. I said no. I asked what does she need and she said she needs eggs. I never went to the butcher’s shop for cheese.

Today is T shot day so when I came back to my room, I gave myself the shot in my left thigh. It hurt so it flared up the nerve pain. I wasn’t in the best of moods. I got an email from my neuro saying she wrote a provider letter. I read it. It had my MRI report in it. I still have a collection of fluid in my spine but it is much less than it was. She did say that I had some disc material at the nerve roots at L3-L4 but nothing to require surgery. I was glad to hear that. I guess I am just going to have to live with this nerve pain in my thigh. I asked what can be done about it. I am waiting for a response.

My new coloring books came along with my new stamps. I collect stamps. I don’t do it actively because I don’t always have the money for them. I shaved today and then washed my face. It felt good to have some cold water on my face. I meant to brush my teeth but forgot. I will the next time I go pee.

I had some protein pancakes for lunch. I also had another cup of coffee. I was in the kitchen minding my own business when my mother came in to make herself lunch. She wanted a conversation and I wasn’t in the mood for one. I am feeling pretty grumpy and shitty. I just want to sleep. I might take an afternoon nap. I just feel so blah. Heat is not helping as it is quite muggy today. I really can’t wait for cooler temps.

Sunday Blog 12092021

Sunday Blog 12092021

I’ve had a lazy day today. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and struggled getting back to sleep. I woke back up around 5 but for some reason I didn’t get up. I just turned over and went back to sleep. I got up at seven to have coffee and drain my bladder. I have been on a four hour schedule and it has been going pretty well so far. I have been drinking a lot because I want my veins to be good for tomorrow’s MRI. I have been having abdominal pain all day despite being good on emptying my bladder. I used a hot pack that the hospital gave me post op. It helped a little bit. I have been taking ibuprofen and Tylenol. I don’t want to take the BT med if I don’t have to.

My neighbor had a BBQ and my brother in law brought over some food. I had some pork and a potato that was very good. I love potatoes and this was like a double baked/grilled thing. It was so good. I had made a fluffernutter for dinner so I am glad I had some protein so I won’t be hungry later.

I am still having yellow discharge so I sent a message to my surgeon about it. I don’t know if this is normal or if I still have an infection. I just hope I don’t have to call because I never get anyone on the damn phone. I always get someone’s voicemail. So annoying. I haven’t been wearing boxers, just female underwear and a pad. I hope I don’t have to see the surgeon again after she said see you in four weeks. That will suck. But I don’t want this to turn into something bad either.

I shaved my head and face today. I trimmed the goatee to a stubble and then shaved around it. I also trimmed my mustache because the hairs were making my nose itch. I can forget about a thick mustache. It would be too itchy for me.

I set my alarm for 0700 tomorrow morning so I will be up in time to have coffee and breakfast before my MRI appointment. I am kind of nervous. I have to remember to take with me my meds so that I can lie on the table comfortably. Otherwise I get up and I can’t really move for a few minutes because my back hurts a lot. I just got to remember to bring water with me. I just put the meds in a travel pill box and put it in my bag so I don’t forget. Trick is going to be to remember the water. I always forget it when I leave the house.

I have ten dollars left on my T pass. I will have to put more money on it when I get paid next. Tomorrow should be my last travel day unless I need to go to the square for something. I do need to get cheese for my mother. I might get some burgers, too as I will be at the butchers. Oh and some steak! It will have to be Tuesday when I go because Monday I have therapy after my MRI and I don’t have time to shop. I need to catch the bus home. I think if I time it right, I might have therapy on my front porch. It will be a good day to sit outside some and have some fresh air. No one will bother me as it is pretty quiet.

I can’t believe how much pain I am in right now. I don’t know if it is my bowels or just the surgical area. I haven’t moved my bowels since Friday. I have been taking the Miralax but that isn’t always reliable. I didn’t take it today because I don’t want to be shitting tomorrow at unknown times. I used to be able to go in the morning soon after I wake up but that hasn’t been the case lately. I also don’t know if the pain is because of the discharge or not. I sent a message to my surgeon today to ask about it. I figure if they check the messages first thing in the morning my message will be right there for them to see. I messaged my psychiatrist but I haven’t heard back from him so I sent the same message again. I don’t see him till Oct, which really sucks. I am approaching eight weeks that I have been on Pristiq. I haven’t noticed any change with my mood. My pain has been less but that is usually the case after I have surgery. I think I have had only two flares during my recovery so far. Right now my ankle and foot is calm. Pain is like a 2 as it is throbbing just a little bit. But the nerve pain in my thigh has been horrendous. That is still ongoing. I am glad I got an MRI this quickly. I just hope I don’t have to see my neurosurgeon again. That will suck big time. I don’t really want another back surgery.

I took my meds a little while ago. I think taking them might help with the pain a little bit. I just took some BT meds because I am so uncomfortable. I hope the discharge is just leftover from the infection I had and not something new. I really don’t want to be on antibiotics again, especially that flagyl I was taking. It was horrible. I had to take it fast before it melted in my mouth with the bitterness. Yucko.

Red Sox got beat by the White Sox today in the ninth inning. I am so disappointed. We are tied for the wild card. It is our only chance of making it to the post season. We are playing Seattle next. These will be west coast games which means late starting times. I might just have to check the scores in the morning because I am not going to stay up till 2 am listening to the game.

Three weeks post op hysterectomy

Three weeks post op hysterectomy

I had an appointment to see my surgeon this morning and got up late. I just finished my coffee when I had to rush to get dressed and out the door to catch the bus. I was right on time for the appointment as the bus was late. The surgeon and I talked about my bladder and how things were going. I said I feel like I am being controlled by my bladder because I am so aware of it all the time and on a schedule to go. She said this wouldn’t be forever and to resume taking the tolterodine for bladder control. She said that while operating she could see that my bladder was inflamed from the nerve damage. We also talked about increasing the Neurontin. She agreed that taking it would help with the pain so I will be taking a dose in the afternoon and at bedtime. She also said that if I have a big day to take an ibuprofen before leaving for it. She wants to see me in four weeks unless something comes up beforehand.

I came home from the appointment and ordered Chipotle for lunch. I emptied my bladder but there wasn’t a lot of urine. I tried again after I ate and still nothing significant. I took some pain meds as I am in pain and the bladder is empty. I took a short nap kind of sitting up on the bed and my back didn’t like it. So now my back hurts.

Over the weekend I sent a message to my neuro telling her about the increase in nerve pain in my thigh. She just got back to me and looks like I will be getting an MRI to see if the L2-L3 herniation is worse. Tomorrow I can call scheduling to schedule the test. I was able to find a lidocaine patch to put on it. I am so happy because I threw out the box that I had because they were expired. I don’t know how well this patch will work but will find out soon enough.

Yesterday I ordered a half black olive pizza and I have one slice left. That will be my dinner tonight. Or was. My sister threw it away. I am so angry at her for doing it. I went downstairs to my other sister’s apt and had some pita bread with fig and some chicken that my niece didn’t want. Greek food is good.

I am so tired I just want to take my night meds and go to sleep even though it isn’t close to 7p yet. I usually take my night meds between 7 and 8p. I did a lot of walking today at my appointment. I then went to Starbucks for a mocha and a pumpkin scone, my first of the season. There is no Sox game tonight so I am glad I don’t have to be up till late. Their games have been averaging at least four hours these days. Long time for a ball game but they also have gone into extra innings some nights.

On a fun note, I colored a page from a coloring book called It’s about to get real unprofessional last night when I couldn’t sleep right away. It is themed as interns should get paid at their sites rather than not, which happens most of the time. It really sucks for a financially strapped grad student working on their final degree. The page has been retweeted a few times and I think that it’s great to give them the exposure so that more books can possibly get sold. Coloring has been a good distraction for me. It also helps me to relax from anxiety and overwhelm. My therapist replied to my message about being overwhelmed with gender dysphoria. She said to journal and write to organize my thoughts. Sometimes I am not able to do that but coloring helps to calm me down enough so I can write. I don’t know why I have been having trouble writing when I am upset. During certain times I am able to but others it is like I write a sentence and then I go blank. My thoughts become frozen and I am unable to carry on with journaling. It is very frustrating as a writer for this to happen. I am glad that this blog has helped me overcome some of the frozen thoughts as I have been able to write at least 500 words most days. If I do less, I do less. Some days I can’t so I just post a picture of an animal.

Tomorrow I see dermatology to get my skin moles looked at. I am kind of nervous about getting there because I have to take the Orange line and then a shuttle bus to get there. It is going to be a long day.