broken shoulder and other things

Broken shoulder and other things

My pcp got back to me late yesterday afternoon and scheduled me for an urgent care visit. I went this morning, which I didn’t want to get out of bed for. I am glad I went and had an x-ray because my shoulder has a fracture in it caused by a dislocation. The results said that it was prior but I don’t recall ever dislocating my shoulder before. I need to have an MRI done but there is a significant wait so I will be having a CT scan done on Monday, which means I need to reschedule my therapy appointment. I also need to see a shoulder specialist.

After the appointment, I was hungry and thirsty. I didn’t have anything to eat or drink when I got up because I got up really late and I had to catch the bus if I was to be at my appointment on time. I went to CVS and got a smoothie. I then went to the Square to go to Starbucks to grab a mocha and a sandwich before catching the bus home. I had to pick up my meds at the pharmacy so I went there before stopping home. I got out of breath when I got home. Stupid hill still makes me short of breath. I had to sit on my porch for a bit before going up the stairs. I was in a lot of pain when I got home from the exam and not taking any pain meds. I should have taken some with me but I didn’t think.

I am quite tired. Yesterday I woke up at 2 am and didn’t go to sleep again till around 2200 or so. It was a long day. I couldn’t think to write a blog so I just posted a pic of a puppy that I thought was cute. I had therapy yesterday. It went well. She was calling me out on shit and I was at one point like, is this Will Hunting?? She wanted me to take care of myself rather than rely on others for care as I’ve been neglected and abused for most of my childhood. I understood where she was coming from but it didn’t feel good to know that I had to do the caring from now on. That doesn’t sit well with me. I do take care of myself in other ways.

While I was at the urgent care, they took my blood pressure and my diastolic was high. I just took my blood pressure at home to see what it is and it is still high. Fuck. I might have to go back on the labetalol. I had stopped taking it because I didn’t think I needed it. My blood pressure has been good until now. Now I got to monitor it to make sure the high readings don’t continue. I am in a lot of pain so that maybe why my pressure is up. I haven’t given myself the T shot yet today that I am due for. I wanted to write for a bit before doing it. I am so tired. I plan on going to bed early tonight because starting Friday, my nights are going to be busy watching baseball and I need to be up to listen to the plays. Just hope I am wrong about them having days off and then playing. We need to win four games and it isn’t going to be easy with the Astros.

shoulder pain is unreal today

Shoulder pain unreal today

I woke up with severe shoulder pain a few times during the night. I had slept for about three hours and then I couldn’t go back to sleep so I colored for a bit until meds took care of my pain enough so I could go back to sleep. I slept late again. My cousin called me around noon to say he couldn’t take me shopping because someone hit his car and he needs to get it fixed. He will take me next week when he has a rental. I said no problem. When I got up, my shoulder pain was bad. I went about my business and my bowels unleashed. I crapped my pants and shit was everywhere. I cleaned up and then went to have coffee and something to eat. There was still the apple crumble my sister made so I had some of that. It was so good. My mother came into the kitchen and I swear I wondered how many “oh my god”s she says during the day as in the first 10 mins she had said at least four.

I have been listening to all my songs on my MP3 player. It started with “Jesse’s Girl” by Rick Springfield. Half way through a few more songs Beethoven played a piano sonata which was followed by Linkin Park. Shows my music range. I can go from classical to alternative rock. Love it.

Today is Marathon Monday which should be over by the time the Sox take the field tonight. Yesterday game was such a heartbreaker. It was so long (13 innings!) and the game just seemed like it was never going to end. The Sox were behind then were ahead then tied. Finally in the bottom of the 13th inning my favorite catcher hit a bomb to left center and we won 6-4. Tonight’s game is a win or go home game for the Rays. My favorite pitcher is on the mound. My cousin doesn’t think he will be effective tonight and granted his last couple of starts have not been good. But I believe in him and his ability to be a great pitcher.

I have been up for 3.5 hours and I want to go back to bed. I am so damn tired. I had a second cup of coffee to try and stay awake. I know if I try and take a nap I won’t be up for the game. It is the kind of tired where I don’t care if I sleep forever kind of feeling. I am in pain so I got the fuck its. My leg is acting up right now. UGH. I never get away from pain. I thought I would have to put a lido patch on my leg because sitting for 5+ hours for the game was annoying my thigh. Nerve pain kept flaring up. I am kind of worried as this week is T shot week and I need to give it to my left thigh which is the one with nerve pain. Depending on how it feels between today and tomorrow I will decide to give it. I wish I had a nurse friend that could give it to me in the butt. I do have one friend but she is on the Cape. Kind of far from me.

I am feeling so overwhelmed right now because pain has gone up three notches with the CRPS pain and nerve pain in my leg, which I am starting to think is CRPS related. I took an Ativan because of the internal agitation I am feeling, the desperation that I feel when pain is like this. I can’t take another pain med for another hour. I texted my therapist that I hate taking the Ativan because of this overwhelm. I just feel trapped, like I can’t escape. It isn’t a good feeling. But I know when I get this squirrel feeling Ativan helps. It helps to clear my thoughts and settle me down. My mother just called to say dinner is ready. I don’t want to move. Leg is at an all time high level of pain. Left arm is throbbing. The muscles in my arm are spazzing. I hope my PCP can order an X-ray tomorrow to make sure I didn’t hurt myself when I fell. Then if he does and I am ok, I want to do the dry needling again with PT. I just hope I am up early so I can talk to someone. If they want me to be seen, I need to know so I can plan on going to Urgent care, if he can’t see me. My pcp is only there one day a week and he is usually booked. I have an appointment with him in Nov. That is too long to wait to be seen. I am so nervous about all of this. I am hoping what I did was just muscle related but I also hope I didn’t cause a tear in the muscle either. Sixteen hours and I hope to have my answers.

just about eight weeks post op hysterectomy

Just about eight weeks post op hysterectomy

I am just about eight weeks post op (tomorrow will officially mark the eighth week) and today was the first full active day I have had. I woke up and got up before eight this morning. I made myself an egg and had a cup of tea as I wanted tea. My friend sent it from England as a recovery gift. It was good tea. A little later I had a cup of coffee with the last of my creamer. My groceries arrived in the afternoon so I was going up and down stairs a lot. Then I went to the bank to deposit money so I wasn’t in the red anymore. I had to borrow money from my mother. I just hope I can pay her back when I get paid.

I came home and I was out of breath. It took me several minutes to catch it and relax. I was sweating the whole time I was bringing the groceries up the stairs and I was sweating again when I came home. I had stopped at the pharmacy before coming home to pick up my meds and that little fucking hill I have to walk up plus going up two flights of stairs with two bags of Gatorade bottles was too much for me. I had my appointment with my psychiatrist and luckily I was normally breathing by the time he logged on.

I told him I was depressed and he could see that I was. He offered some trans support website which I sent out to. There was another one which I tried to email but for some reason I was unable to copy the email address from Zoom. I had to write it down. I am not sure I am going to email this person because they are far from me and I don’t have a car to get there should they meet in person. Plus insurance is a factor as well. I rather go to a free group than have it be a therapeutic one which I have to pay for. I told him about the increase in Pristiq and he said that by the time we see each other next (in Nov), he hopes the med will provide me some relief of the depression. I told him about my B&B issues making me a hermit in the house. I just don’t feel comfortable using public restrooms to cath. I still have to go to the lab to give a urine sample to make sure I don’t have an infection. I have been having some bladder pain lately and even though my urine is clear, I want to make sure it really is.

I called uro today to schedule the appointment for the testing but the doc didn’t “order” the test that they could see so I have to wait for the medical assistant to call me. I was hoping to hear back from her this afternoon but nope, no calls. Tomorrow I have an early dentist appointment and plan to go to the hosp afterwards to drop off the urine sample. I just hope I wake up like I did today or the appointment might be missed. I have to leave a half hour before the appointment because I will be going uphill and I know I will be short of breath. I want to be sure I am breathing close to normal when I go to the office.

I am making a chicken pot pie for dinner. Tomorrow I might make a small marinara sauce so I can have spaghetti and meatballs. I hid my spaghetti so no one will eat it. Every time I want a particular pasta it seems to be gone as my nephew eats pasta all the time.

I had Starbucks while out so I am caffeinated for tonight’s ballgame. The stomach tightening has already begun with the stupid stat predictions and shit. If we can get to the starting pitcher early, we might have a chance to win. But our pitcher has to be nasty Nate or we will be in trouble. It is a win or go home kind of game so if we lose, we are done. Baseball season is over for me, at least with the Sox. It will continue with the winner of the game.

I think I did too much with the bags I had to carry. 45 bottles of Gatorade and 10 gallons of water I had to bring up the stairs. I am not supposed to be lifting anything over 10lbs at least for another four weeks. I am considered healed though as I am at the eight week mark. I wish my bladder was in better condition than what it is. I really hope the urodynamic testing gives me some answers that are favorable. Even if it shows that I don’t have to cath every time, I still have to cath for residual as I am not emptying my bladder when I void. I don’t know how going to a trans support group would be helpful with my medical issues but maybe having just someone that understands the dysphoria will help.

back out and game 162

Back out and game 162

I had things to do today and my back is out. I can’t even so much as change my pants it hurts too much. I asked my niece to pick up my meds. That is the most important of the errands that need to be done today. I can possibly get the half and half tomorrow while I am out for my morning appointment, if I remember and I am not in a huge rush to be home for my therapy appointment.

I couldn’t write yesterday as I was too tired. I had slept most of the day because I just couldn’t get going and when I did my back hurt. It has been a struggle to cath because I have to stand and it hurts my back. I just posted a cute cat pic. I had started “watching” the game via MLB.com and Twitter. By the 8th inning, I had to listen to the game. The suspense was killing me. I am glad I did because the bats became alive in the top of the 9th and we won the game 5-3. It was a nail biting game. Sale is pitching today. He is was one of my favorite pitchers and he is good so I am hoping if the Sox give him run support, we will win today.

I am hoping to shower and shave today. I smell. I have been sweating even though it has been cool in my room. I have to shave my head today because it has been almost three days since my last shave. It just gets rough if I don’t shave frequently. I am starting to get sort of a bowl top as the sides have grown in since my last haircut at the barber. I won’t be able to get another haircut until my next pay period. I am in financial straights right now as my stupid bank allow three transactions to go through without sufficient funds. Now I am in the negative and I have no idea how to get back to black. The fees alone are going to kill me. I am freaking out about how much I am not going to afford my bills next month being in debt the way that I am.

I need to make sure I am up tomorrow early so that I can go to the lab for my urine tests. I am having so much trouble with the stupid urge when I cath. I have an eye appointment in town. Hope my hip is better for walking tomorrow. I have a long walk to the office from the station. Hope I can walk to and back without problems. There is a Starbucks across the street so I can treat myself when I am finished. I just set two alarms so I am up. Hopefully I won’t shut them off and then doze off. That won’t be good!