Round Here Buzz

Round here buzz

Decided to listen to music and this was the first song on my playlist. Love Eric Church and this album. Must have listened to this song thousands of time. My top three songs on this album, other than the title, Mr. Misunderstood, are Round here buzz, Mixed drinks with feelings, and Record Year.

I had another early morning awakening. Around the same time too, 5 am. I stayed up for about an hour and just as I was about to fall back to sleep, my med alarm went off. I forgot to change the time before falling asleep last night. I took the pill and was able to get back to sleep. I slept till around 1300 or so. I was really sleepy and didn’t want to get up. My ankle was still being a jerk. I wanted coffee and knew it wasn’t going to make itself as I had no magic wand so I went downstairs to the kitchen. I made a two cheese egg burrito and Casi Cielo. Coffee was good. I brought it back up to my room and decided to read for a bit. I put on the stopwatch and found that I read a chapter in like 20-25 minutes. So I kept on reading. I was in the part of the Deathly Hallows where they were at the Ministry and freed the muggle borns from the court. I couldn’t stop there so read some more until Ron leaves after he finds out Ginny was punished for trying to steal the sword of Gryffindor.

There were about four eggs left after I made my burrito so I decided to go to the grocery store to buy some more. I had about a half hour before the next bus would come. I went downstairs to put my mug in the sink and told my mother I would be going to the store to get eggs. Then I asked her if she wanted to get the washer as it was on sale and today was the last day for it. She said she wanted to look at it. I said are you waiting for the washer to completely break before getting a new one? I told her by then the price would go up and she would pay more. She said okay. I showed her the washer that was similar to the one we had. No fancy buttons or anything. She wanted to see if it was big enough to wash a blanket. I said it was a deep fill washer so I think so. But she wanted to be sure so I read the description to her. I told her this washer could wash 14 towels at once so I think one blanket would fit. She said she wanted a freezer as well so after I place the washer in the cart, I checked out the freezers. Found one that looked like the one she wanted and went with her step by step on what she wanted as far as warranties and such. By the time I was done, I had missed the bus. I figure I would catch another bus route rather than the Square as it was getting late.

I went upstairs to get dressed, happy that we had a new washer on the way. I went back downstairs and asked my mother if 4 dozen eggs would be okay. I don’t know why I asked. She then asked the price of the eggs and I told her. She said that was too expensive and I nearly went insane when she said 2 dozen. I said you want me to go out for just 2 dozen eggs??? I said whatever and went downstairs to vent to my sister. I swear my mother thinks things should be a buck and if they are not, wait till they are on sale. We had 4 eggs that is not going to last till they are on sale! My mother and I use eggs nearly every day. I vented then caught the bus. I didn’t feel like listening to music so just rode the bus. The grocery store was not crowded and I liked that. I grabbed what I needed and a half gallon of juice.

I went to the busway and realized the bus there wouldn’t be coming for another hour so I caught the bus to the Square to catch the bus home. My ankle was killing me by the time I came home. Felt like a rod was going through my foot if I bared full weight on it. I was exhausted like I had been doing shit all day. My mother was making supper when I came home. I put the things away and just as I put the last dozen in the fridge, my ankle flared again. I sat for a bit and put my foot in the air so nothing was putting pressure on it. It was a stop gap measure. I was still hurting when I got up a few minutes later to change out of my jeans. I should have taken a pain pill but didn’t think of it. After I finished eating and went back up to my room, I took it.

I went on my laptop and checked out twitter. The Orange Buffoon was starting shit again, blaming everyone but himself for things. Then I saw Red Sox news and was scanning all my Sox tweety buddies. Deal has been made with JD Martinez, a free agent outfielder for the Arizona Diamondbacks. They have been talking about signing him ALL fricken off season and today is the day they finally do, much to my chagrin. We got him for 5 yrs at $21 mill/year, pending a physical. I had to laugh when someone proposed a lineup that had Ramirez, our current DH, as playing first base! HA! He only played a handful of games at first base all last season. I don’t expect him to when we have Moreland! I don’t remember if Ramirez had shoulder surgery in the off season or not. A few guys did. But Ramirez stinks either way. He has been with us two years now and hasn’t done shit. This will be his third season with us. I always like to see how spring training goes before I decide on anyone. But this bozo who listed his probable line up was a complete joke. We have a new manager for the Sox so it will be interesting how he plays people. I don’t know if he goes by analyses or not. The former manager did so would have a guy off for a certain pitcher. I don’t know if Cora (manager) will do the same or not. I cannot wait. First Spring Training game will be this Friday!! I just hope it will be on the radio!

chronic pain and quick to anger

Chronic pain and quick to anger

I didn’t sleep well last night. I fell asleep sometime after 0200 because of pain. My reminder med alarm went off around 0815 and I wanted to throw the phone across the fucking room. I was so sleepy to finagle the phone to shut off the noise. I took my pills then went back to sleep for a few hours. I woke up around noon in pain. I felt hung over, like I had been drinking hard all night. My head and neck were hurting because I was somehow trying to meld with my headboard. My head was under the pillow and my head was on the headboard. It was an odd angle that made my neck hurt. I have no idea what happened to the pillow I was using. When I got up to put my slippers on, I found it on the floor. I really didn’t want to leave the house but I wanted to try the new cherry mocha at Starbucks. They would only have it until Wednesday.

I didn’t feel like going back to sleep. My sister was getting a new furnace put in and the guy had my number in case he needed access to her apartment. I got dressed and before I left for the bus stop, talked with the plumber to see if he needed anything. He didn’t and he said he would need another day to finish the work. He said he would call my brother in law if he needed anything. I said ok and left. I was kind of grumpy because I didn’t leave the house yesterday just in case they needed something, I would be around. If I had known my brother in law had given them instructions, I could have gone out to start my story. Oh well.

It was fricken cold as the wind was blowing. I had to put on my hood to block the wind. The bus came and I got to Starbucks. I had a sandwich and the cherry mocha in a reusable container. The drink was fricken expensive but it was for a limited time so I didn’t fuss about it. It was really good so worth it. It tasted like drinking a cherry chocolate bar. After I finished my sandwich, I wanted a cookie and got that. Then I started writing in my journal. I had taken out the notebook as well to start my story. I noticed it was only 80 pages. I don’t know if it was because of the pain and not sleeping, but I became really angry that I paid 2 bucks for less than 100 pages when I had bought a few months ago for $1.89 120 pages for the same kind of notebook! I was fuming! I know now it seemed trivial but for some reason, I just felt ripped off. I couldn’t write anymore so decided to go home. I went to CVS to see what they were charging and for how many pages. It was $3.19 for 100 pages. That is a rip off! I bought some pens that caught my eye when I bought the 80 count notebook. Bic has these pens called Atlantis that are pretty smooth to write with. I was hoping to possibly write when I got home but it didn’t happen. I was exhausted. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Just moving my arms felt so heavy.

I got out my laptop and went to the email for the number for Dell. I wanted to know what the hell parts were on my laptop so I knew what they were. I was told in the email to contact the customer service department. I talked to them. Then they said I needed technical sales. I was transferred to them. I explained again what I was looking for and was transferred back to customer service. I told them the story only for them to tell me I needed technical support. I said wait a fucking minute. I was told that when I first called and then have been transferred back and forth and now you need to transfer me again? He said he didn’t know anything about parts and had to transfer me. I said okay as my temper flared again. I got transferred, spoke the the girl for not even 10 seconds when the line was cut! WTF!!! I was fuming. I sent a message on twitter to Dell as sometimes you get better service through twitter than you do on the damn fucking phone. Haven’t heard from them but one asshole tweety buddy told me one word, MAC. FUCK YOU I wanted to respond!! I didn’t. I fucking hate when you have a PC problem they tell you to go to Apple and vice versa. UGH Not fucking helpful!! Though I do have a few Apple people who has had their hard drives crash on them so they are not 100% reliable either or have been stuck in the store or on the phone for hours. I still don’t know what the hell parts I have or if I can upgrade. In the meantime, I am just going with it. As long as my Microsoft Office Word works and I can upload my blog, that is all I will use this lemon for until I can get my other laptop fixed. It takes too much memory just to use Facebook so I go on my phone most of the time. Twitter isn’t so bad though if there is a cute kitten or pup pic, I will go on my phone to save it. I have been collecting cute pics for a while now to look at when I am in a grumpy mood and need something cute to cheer me up.

My kitchen tracking lights needed to be replaced so I ordered new bulbs. I got them today and they are the wrong size. My sister said she “told me” they were the wrong size. I am like how the fuck can you know by looking at a website that it is the wrong size??? Then she was looking at the bulb I took out from the socket and she was like see, it says blah blah blah. I am like see the box says blah blah blah. My anger rose again. Now I got to go to the fucking store and change them. I hate returning shit. I would have gone today but my sister was going out to eat so maybe she can take me tomorrow. I got such a headache and my ankle is being a fucking asshole. I better fucking sleep tonight and my head better not try to be one with the headboard again. I am too fucking tired to stay up all night again.

tired of being tired and in pain

Tired of being tired and in pain

I had some difficulty getting to sleep. My ankle was being a total asshole. I woke up around 6 with my back hurting. It was snowing. I took some meds and then played with my phone for a bit. I wanted to get back to sleep so took my morning meds and then turned off my med alarm. I didn’t get up till after 1230 or so. I really didn’t want to get up. I had to eat something. I made an egg Mcmuffin. I kind of let the butter burn so stunk up the house. My mother didn’t like that. I guess I had the gas too high. I made some coffee and the stupid press spilled coffee all over the place. I am going to get a new one, if I can find the mug one I saw a couple of months ago. I might have to look online for it.

I really wanted to go back to sleep. My mother made me go downstairs to check on my niece. The trip up and down stairs really flared my ankle. I just don’t want to be anymore. I am tired of being in pain all the time. I feel so low.

I am so mad my order for the RAM didn’t go through. They “pre-authorized” my card, but due to some financial invalidation, they canceled my order. WTF. I emailed them to find out more and they said the same shit. If I want to place another order, I have to go through PayPal or a third party. I’ve ordered from this company before so I don’t know what the fuck the problem is. Just seems so dumb. But in the meantime, I have to wait 3-10 business days for the pending charge to disappear. I am so aggravated. Think I will just order it on Amazon or some other computer place. I just went on Amazon for shits and giggles. I found the memory $10 cheaper and I can get free shipping. So when I get paid next week or when the bozos decide to undo the pre-authorization charge, I will get it.

I want to go to bed now but am afraid if I do, I will be up all night. I made coffee but it was strong and I only drank about half of it. My mother wanted hot dogs cooked in a panini thing my sister got her for Christmas. They came out good but I kind of let it burn so now the house smells of burned hot dogs. It cooked faster than I thought it would for frozen dogs. I am going to try and get burgers and buns next week. I am dying for a burger. I might make it in the panini thing.

Patriots won!!

Patriots won!

The Pats won, 35-14. I am glad that changing my profile pics on Facebook, twitter and IG didn’t jinx them. I was worried because every time I do, usually they lose. But the Titans were not a strong team. I think they lost gas as the game wore on because the first quarter their defense was hard to get through. No sacks though, so that was good. Tomorrow’s games will tell who we will be playing next week.

My foot and ankle are killing me right now and every thing in between. I am so tired but pain is keeping me up. I thought about reading but the chapters are long and I would hate to be in the middle of one then forget where I left off. I like to read a chapter or stop at a gap midway. I will try and read later today. I figure if I read at least two books a month, that is 24 books, which will meet my challenge I have for the year. I really need to set time limits on my social media. Maybe using a timer will help. If anyone has any suggestions, I am all ears.

My sister made chicken cacciatore tonight. It wasn’t good. She used a lot of garlic. I hate garlic. I don’t mind the flavor in stuff but not in cacciatore. My mother doesn’t use it when she makes it. It was okay otherwise. She also made chicken soup. I might have some tomorrow. It’s going to be cold the next few days so it will be nice to have something hot.

While I was watching the game, I looked at the French press to see if the glass was cracked. I kind of noticed the lid was not securely on so that might be the problem. I put water in and it poured from the spout without any problems. So weird.

I have noticed that the past few days, despite my pain being all over the place, my suicidality has not been around. I don’t really know what triggers it or makes me feel so low. I know night time is the worst time for me as my mood dips and I can feel really hopeless. Add severe pain and it is a nice recipe for suicidal thoughts. I think being back on Zoloft has stabilized my mood a little bit. I wish it helped my pain but it that is not it’s function.

I had emailed my PT to ask her about if getting movement back in my ankle is a worthwhile task. She said it was and that more movement helped to decrease CRPS pain. She said she will talk more about it when she sees me next. I was going to do some exercises she gave me today but pain stopped me from doing anything. I will try tomorrow. I just need to get a sheet.

rainy shitty day

Rainy shitty day

It’s been raining off and on most of the day. My back has been a casualty of it. My lower back has been hurting most of the day. Despite this, I took a shower and made pancakes and coffee. I got really sleepy after I ate so I took a nap. It was a good nap and for the first time in months, I felt refreshed.

My mother had already made herself dinner. I heard her call me but I didn’t answer as I was so sleepy. I really didn’t want cheeseburgers for dinner anyway. I think I might make the frozen dinner that I have. I don’t want to cook again because I don’t want to hurt more than I am right now. As is usually the case, my ankle pain has settled down since my back is flaring. The hard part is sitting and standing. I can’t stand straight because it hurts too much.

The physical therapy office called while I was napping. I was very annoyed that the app that I use for voicemail has ads with sound in it. I could barely hear the lady talk as there was some kind of casino game playing. Usually the ads are silent. I hate the app. I much rather call into my voicemail using my phone. But Sprint no longer has that option with the new phones. Just annoys me. When I call tomorrow, I am going to see if I can see a PT that has experience with nerve related injury. Otherwise, there will be no point in seeing the therapist. I don’t have a normal ankle injury that will respond to normal physical therapy. I tried that and it hurt too much. I honestly don’t know what they can do but I will find out. The good thing is that they are down the street from me. I just need to take the bus. It kind of sucks because I can be early or late depending on the bus’s schedule. I rather be early so I can have time to prepare and just chill while waiting. I am surprised they called me right away. My PCP’s office faxed them this morning.

I honestly don’t know what PT is going to do as my ankle doesn’t go out on command. I am going to see what I can do to get around the house better when it does. Thing is, the prescription isn’t written to reflect that. It states that I need strength and conditioning exercises, which will only hurt not help me. I really wish I had a PCP that actually listened to what the patient wants rather than what he thinks they need.

Last night, I checked the balance on one of my old credit cards that I am paying off slowly. One more payment and I will be paid in full. I have been chipping at it slowly with each pay period and got done before the allotted time by a few months. I’m proud of myself for doing that. Now I just got to work on my other bills on my credit report to try and improve.

I was in no shape to bake today. I will try tomorrow if my back isn’t bothering me. It takes a little time preparing because you need to shred the zucchini. I’m still not sure if I am going to use baking powder rather than soda. I’ll ask my niece who bakes a lot and see what she thinks. She liked it last time so I want to stick with the recipe.