Saturday Blog 30102021

Saturday Blog 30102021

I started a blog yesterday afternoon when inspiration hit and unfortunately, my emotions shut it down. I still can’t go back to it yet so I sent it to my therapist and maybe I can finish writing it. I think it is an important thing for me to write about but the emotions surrounding it are powerful.

I woke up around 2 last night in pain. I emptied my bladder because it had been close to seven hours since I last did it. I tried going back to sleep but I was too woken up. I stayed up for a few hours and then finally went back to sleep. I don’t remember my med alarm going off but I must have shut it off. I didn’t stir but just went back to sleep. I hear notifications go off on my phone but I just ignored them. Then my mother called me at 1pm and I reluctantly got up. She needed to get a few things at Amazon so after I had a bowl of cereal and made my coffee, I searched the things she needed. Now I feel ready to go back to sleep.

I made an appointment with my barber for Tues. My royalties for this month were more than I was expecting, which was good because it pushed my account to where I have the twenty bucks for my hair. I think I am going to go to a three when I see him. I rather him do it than me try it. I need to shave today. I also need to pick up my meds. It’s raining out. I was hoping they would be ready in the morning but they just got done now. I’ll pick it up tomorrow. I don’t need it until then anyways.

I have no idea what I am going to eat today. I might order Chipotle. I have added corn salsa to my burrito bowl and it is so damn good. But I am not hungry right now so I don’t want to order it. Yesterday I ordered a cheese pizza because I was craving it. It was pretty good. I might order it again. Or I will just have cereal, my inexpensive go to when I don’t feel like having nothing else.

I have a sort of busy week next week. Monday I have therapy and then Tues I am seeing my pcp, getting my blood drawn for a study, and then getting my haircut on the way home. I am going to be wiped out. The following week is going to be busier with MTW appointments that are all in person except my therapist appointment. I am going to be exhausted. I am exhausted just thinking about navigating around the hospital for Tuesday’s appointment. The place I got to have my blood drawn is at the complete end of the entrance, the furthest building on campus. And the only way to get there is through the main entrance as the other doors are closed due to covid. A lot of fucking walking for ten bucks.

therapy and shoulder pain

Therapy and shoulder pain

I was so damn tired today. I only woke up twice during the night. One to pee and the other because of shoulder pain. My med alarm went off and I wanted to throw my phone across the room. I shut it off but didn’t get up until an hour later when I had to pee again. I took my meds and used the bathroom. I was still tired so I just went back to bed. My hip was hurting me from the dampness. I didn’t wake up till almost twenty minutes before my therapy appointment. Yikes!

I quickly made a cup of coffee as I logged on to my laptop. Shoulder pain had calmed down. Therapy started a little early and we talked about dating as I joined a dating app and have been talking to someone. We talk about how great it is but at the same time I am apprehensive about them dealing with the medical side of me. It is very complex and I am on a lot of meds for the different conditions I have. I just am worried they are going to see me (if we meet in person) and I am going to be a turn off because I won’t be what they imagined I would be. I never thought someone would be interested in me because I am so hard with my esteem issues. We also talked about my shoulder issues. I told her the conflict I have with back PT and shoulder PT. I said that I want back PT because if I can’t move there is no way I can do shoulder therapy. She was okay with that then asked if I do the exercises outside of therapy. HA! I do them. But not usually all of them. The PT I have usually gives only three or four exercises rather than like 10 so it is easier to remember and do them but they will be the same exercises I have been doing for the past twenty years.

After therapy, I took a shower and shaved. It was the first time in a week that took one. I have been shaving but not showering. I still have to get my haircut. I am thinking of just getting it down to a three. I just am scared because I might end up shaving my whole head with it that low. I never done that before. I have had my hair really short, like whiffle short before but it has been a while since I have had it that short.

My lower back has been bothering me most of the damn day. Weather sucks. I don’t ever remember a year where we have had so much rain. It is going to be cloudy and rainy all week. I am just glad the temp isn’t colder or we would get snow. That would really suck. I don’t have to go out except to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I hate to go out in rainy weather. I used to love it. I rather have a cloudy day than sunny. My back does not like the rain though.

pain pain pain

Pain pain pain

All week I have been in pain, either my shoulder or my lower back. I am waiting for a call for an urgent care center to make an appointment so I can have my back looked at. I keep on getting spasms and it makes me immobile. I have been putting heat on as well as taking Ativan, Zanaflex, and my BT meds. I haven’t been sleeping because my shoulder has been waking me up in pain. I feel really depressed and last night was the worst night as I thought about suicide and came up with a plan. I just realized that I haven’t had the urge to pee the last few days. I just been cathing because it is what I do but I haven’t had an urge to pee. I hope this doesn’t mean something is wrong with my back. I just had an MRI about two months ago and things looked good. I got an appointment for this afternoon and I hope they don’t send me to the ED for MRI testing.

The pain I have in my back is severe. I still got spasms in it and think I just need PT to work out the knots. Maybe some dry needling is all I need for it, provided a disc didn’t shift and I need to see my neurosurgeon again. I took my breakthrough med and ibuprofen and that seems to have eased some of the pain I was feeling. Just hope I can get dressed and walk to the bus stop without too much pain. I am going to the hospital in case I do need to switch to the emergency room.

My left side of my body really hurts. The shoulder MRI report came back. It looks like I have two fractures in my shoulder caused by the dislocation I took when I fell. The urgent care doc that I saw said that it is really important that I keep my appointment with ortho on Monday for further treatment of my shoulder. I hope that doesn’t mean surgery.

I just came home from Urgent care. I was there for almost two hours, most of the time just waiting to be seen. I told him what the story was and he said I was on a good regimen and to continue taking what I have been taking. Then I asked him about dry needling and PT and he sent a referral for it. So now I am going to have dry needling on my lower back. I can already feel the pain. It is hot in my room so I turned on the AC. I haven’t changed into my PJ’s yet. I want to cool down first. I had a snickers bar and Reese’s peanut butter big cup with pretzels for dinner. I don’t feel like having anything else, unless I get hungry later then it will be a bowl of cereal.

My shoulder is aching but my back pain is worse right now. I am so tired. I think I am going to take my night meds early and try and be in bed before 9pm. Sox are off tonight. I finally mailed my ballot today so I feel good about that. It has been in my room all week. I am glad I didn’t go to the ED tonight. I nearly fell asleep while I was waiting to be seen in urgent care. Chronic pain just takes so much out of you. Not sleeping at night also takes its toll. I woke up three times last night with my shoulder hurting me. I guess the pain will stop when the fractures heal in another 6-8 weeks.

severe back pain sucks

Severe back pain sucks

I woke up early and decided to get some more sleep. I woke up a few hours later and then had coffee. I was feeling fine. The house was cold as the temp dropped. My mother wasn’t home. I had some biscuits with my coffee and while I was eating them, my mother’s phone rang. I went to go pick it up and my back went out on me. Just like that. No warning or anything. I couldn’t move. I sat back down as best as I could. I was having spasms in my lower back. I finished my coffee, threw away the wrapper for the biscuits as gently as I could as I could barely move. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I had to do it. It hurt and I was in pain for most of it. But going up the stairs was pure torture. I had to go one step at a time with leading on my right leg. I couldn’t tolerate any weight on my left side where most of the pain was. I didn’t know if this was going to settle down or not so I quickly took some meds and waited. I got my heating pad and that helped a lot. But within a half hour, I was still in a lot of pain so I rescheduled the CT scan I was supposed to have today.

I tried to lay down but that hurt more than sitting so I just sat with the heating pad on my back. A couple of hours later, I had to empty my bladder. I thought I was ok as I was moving better. I emptied my bladder and then went to the kitchen to make something to eat. I just made a bowl of cereal. As a poured the milk, I got severe spasms across my lower back again and I was hurting. I think I might have done something to my back when I fell. I just don’t know what to do about it. Right now getting the spasms under control is my top priority. I took some Zanaflex when I got back to my room and more pain meds as it was around 4 hours since my last dose.

I called the imaging scheduling office to schedule my MRI. They have an opening tomorrow night at 10 pm (2200!) I took it. The sooner I know what is wrong with my shoulder the better. I am so glad they had an opening. My back should be better by tomorrow. The heating pad is really helping with the spasms. I think the Zanaflex is making me sleepy. Four hours till game time so I could take a nap. I want to have another cup of coffee. I just don’t want to go downstairs again unless I have to use the bathroom.

My favorite pitcher is starting the game tonight. It is anyone’s guess as to how he will be. His last start was good so this start could be terrible. That is how things go with him. I don’t want to say anything because chances are the opposite will happen and then I will feel bad that I said something.

My shoulder has been hurting me most of the day. It woke me up several times during the night. I was lucky that I just had to move it around for the pain to go away. Pain was severe though. I hope the MRI report comes in later this week before I see the surgeon. This will give me some time to research the findings and see what needs to be done, including nothing. I’ll be interested to see if the fracture is healing when they do the x-ray next week.

I am going to try and lay down and see if I can sleep until the game starts. Hopefully moving won’t hurt me.