0230 Blog

0230 blog

I’m in horrible pain tonight. I just had some ice cream because I felt like having it. I just took some Ativan and more pain meds. I had taken a strong pain pill hours ago but I don’t want to take anymore tonight. I took 900 mg of Neurontin and that was my second dose. I just take whatever I feel like taking with the Neurontin. I don’t care. It’s out of my system within 8 hours so as long as I sleep it off, I am okay. I don’t sleep it off and I am a zombie.

I paged my psych to discuss the Neurontin dosing as I tend to substitute it for my pain meds just so I can sleep rather than be in pain. Sleep has been the only real pain reliever for me. I get into a deep sleep with the drug better than my pain meds or Ativan. The hard part is actually getting to fucking sleep. Every time I lie down, my damn pain increases, making it nearly impossible to fall asleep.

My psych never called me back. I waited until midnight. She will most likely call me in the morning or early afternoon. I just hope I am semi awake. Her ringtone is something that will wake me up. I plan on making iced coffee tomorrow. I hope I make it right.

Something is going on with my big toe. There is a tendon that keeps popping up when it severely hurts. I have noticed it will involuntarily move upwards. I try to move it downwards but because of the nerve damage I have to touch it and move it with my hand, which causes me pain because it is so sensitive to touch.

I created a Facebook group for people that is up after midnight. It’s called After Midnight Club. Here is the link
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1885382218387087/

just in case any readers who are on Facebook want to join. It an open group, for now, so posts can be seen through the public. Once I get more people in the group, I will make it closed so only members can see the posts.

I’m going to try this thing called sleep now. If it doesn’t work, I will be back, maybe…

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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