Saturday Blog 30102021

Saturday Blog 30102021

I started a blog yesterday afternoon when inspiration hit and unfortunately, my emotions shut it down. I still can’t go back to it yet so I sent it to my therapist and maybe I can finish writing it. I think it is an important thing for me to write about but the emotions surrounding it are powerful.

I woke up around 2 last night in pain. I emptied my bladder because it had been close to seven hours since I last did it. I tried going back to sleep but I was too woken up. I stayed up for a few hours and then finally went back to sleep. I don’t remember my med alarm going off but I must have shut it off. I didn’t stir but just went back to sleep. I hear notifications go off on my phone but I just ignored them. Then my mother called me at 1pm and I reluctantly got up. She needed to get a few things at Amazon so after I had a bowl of cereal and made my coffee, I searched the things she needed. Now I feel ready to go back to sleep.

I made an appointment with my barber for Tues. My royalties for this month were more than I was expecting, which was good because it pushed my account to where I have the twenty bucks for my hair. I think I am going to go to a three when I see him. I rather him do it than me try it. I need to shave today. I also need to pick up my meds. It’s raining out. I was hoping they would be ready in the morning but they just got done now. I’ll pick it up tomorrow. I don’t need it until then anyways.

I have no idea what I am going to eat today. I might order Chipotle. I have added corn salsa to my burrito bowl and it is so damn good. But I am not hungry right now so I don’t want to order it. Yesterday I ordered a cheese pizza because I was craving it. It was pretty good. I might order it again. Or I will just have cereal, my inexpensive go to when I don’t feel like having nothing else.

I have a sort of busy week next week. Monday I have therapy and then Tues I am seeing my pcp, getting my blood drawn for a study, and then getting my haircut on the way home. I am going to be wiped out. The following week is going to be busier with MTW appointments that are all in person except my therapist appointment. I am going to be exhausted. I am exhausted just thinking about navigating around the hospital for Tuesday’s appointment. The place I got to have my blood drawn is at the complete end of the entrance, the furthest building on campus. And the only way to get there is through the main entrance as the other doors are closed due to covid. A lot of fucking walking for ten bucks.

therapy and shoulder pain

Therapy and shoulder pain

I was so damn tired today. I only woke up twice during the night. One to pee and the other because of shoulder pain. My med alarm went off and I wanted to throw my phone across the room. I shut it off but didn’t get up until an hour later when I had to pee again. I took my meds and used the bathroom. I was still tired so I just went back to bed. My hip was hurting me from the dampness. I didn’t wake up till almost twenty minutes before my therapy appointment. Yikes!

I quickly made a cup of coffee as I logged on to my laptop. Shoulder pain had calmed down. Therapy started a little early and we talked about dating as I joined a dating app and have been talking to someone. We talk about how great it is but at the same time I am apprehensive about them dealing with the medical side of me. It is very complex and I am on a lot of meds for the different conditions I have. I just am worried they are going to see me (if we meet in person) and I am going to be a turn off because I won’t be what they imagined I would be. I never thought someone would be interested in me because I am so hard with my esteem issues. We also talked about my shoulder issues. I told her the conflict I have with back PT and shoulder PT. I said that I want back PT because if I can’t move there is no way I can do shoulder therapy. She was okay with that then asked if I do the exercises outside of therapy. HA! I do them. But not usually all of them. The PT I have usually gives only three or four exercises rather than like 10 so it is easier to remember and do them but they will be the same exercises I have been doing for the past twenty years.

After therapy, I took a shower and shaved. It was the first time in a week that took one. I have been shaving but not showering. I still have to get my haircut. I am thinking of just getting it down to a three. I just am scared because I might end up shaving my whole head with it that low. I never done that before. I have had my hair really short, like whiffle short before but it has been a while since I have had it that short.

My lower back has been bothering me most of the damn day. Weather sucks. I don’t ever remember a year where we have had so much rain. It is going to be cloudy and rainy all week. I am just glad the temp isn’t colder or we would get snow. That would really suck. I don’t have to go out except to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I hate to go out in rainy weather. I used to love it. I rather have a cloudy day than sunny. My back does not like the rain though.

painful and depressing Sunday 24102021

Painful and depressing Sunday 24102021

I woke up several times during the night because I was in pain and had to pee. I didn’t have the urge to pee but several hours had passed without me going so I figure I might as well empty while I was up. Today I had two bowel movements while I voided. I didn’t check to see if there was residual urine. I just didn’t feel like checking. I have been in an awful mood since I woke up around 9. I am in pain with my shoulder and I have pain going down my arm into my hand. There has been a few times where my hand felt numb so I am glad I am seeing the doctor tomorrow. I have neck pain as well. I think that is because I am not using my shoulder the way I should because it is injured.

I got my benefits package in yesterday’s mail. Everything is going up. Copays for PT and specialists are now $30 but mental health is $10. Meds are the same but as one of my meds are brand name, I asked my doc for a 90 day supply as it would be cheaper for me. I am waiting to see what he says. My deductible has also gone up to $300 before they pay for everything. Hope I can swing it.

I have been tired most of the day but haven’t been able to nap. I had a second cup of coffee with lunch. My sister made chili that was really good. I had a yogurt for dessert. My groceries came in and I had some donuts. I think that will be my dinner. I was going to make buttermilk biscuits but I don’t feel like cooking. My arm is really sore. My thigh has been flared up with nerve pain so my whole left side is full of pain right now. I am thinking of putting a lido patch on my thigh soon. I might put one on my arm too.

Since I have been taking magnesium, the spasms have stopped in my back. I still feel achy there. I will call the PT office to set up some appointments with hopefully the same PT I have been seeing. I have a slow week of appointments this week. Next week I have a lot. I am going to wait to call the PT until after I see the ortho guy for my shoulder in case he wants me to have PT there first. I am kind of concerned that there is a fragment in my shoulder caused by one of the fractures. I don’t know if that has to be taken out or not. I am really nervous that I will need surgery for my shoulder and then I won’t be able to take care of myself one handed. I am going to go for X-rays tomorrow to see how things look. Hope things look better. I just hope I sleep tonight or getting up in the morning is going to be tough. I have to be at my appointment fifteen minutes early so they can do the x-rays. I will want to have a cup of coffee before I go and something to eat.

laid low but didn’t nap

Laid low but didn’t nap

I woke up three times last night with my shoulder hurting me. The first time, I took some pain meds. The second and third time, I just sat up and moved my shoulder around a bit and that helped ease the pain. A couple times I was able to go back to sleep right away and another time, it took me a while to get back to sleep. I got up about a half hour after my med alarm went off. I had my coffee and belVita biscuits. My back was tender but it wasn’t severely painful like it had been all week. I took a tennis ball to it to massage some of the knots and it helped even though it hurt to do it.

For lunch I had made a tuna fish sandwich. It was good. I haven’t had tuna in a long while. After I had the sandwich, I made a cup of coffee. My plan was to have three cups today so I would stay up and listen to the ball game. I am nervous about this game because if the Red Sox don’t win, they go home. It is going to be a nerve wracking game. Just hope my cousin isn’t so negative like he was last night. He really pissed me off. I just hope the bats start hitting tonight or I am gonna have to block my cousin. I can’t stand it when someone says the obvious but it doesn’t happen. That isn’t what baseball is about. I am wearing my Sox LGBT hat with the TG logo pin on it. Hope it brings them luck tonight. I also shaved off my goatee and mustache. I am clean shaven all around. I shaved the sides and back of my head today. I didn’t shower but I plan to tomorrow. I am starting to stink. I also need to shave my armpits as the hair is getting pretty long. It has been a while since I have shaved.

I wanted to go out today to get some half and half but I just got too lazy. I wanted to nap this afternoon but knew if I did, it might mess up my sleep more than it already is. I haven’t been in too much pain today so I have not been taking my BT meds, which is good. My shoulder still throbs but ibuprofen seems to help it along with Excedrin. I think the aspirin and Tylenol combination in Excedrin helps with the inflammation and broken bone pain. I really hope I don’t need surgery. I hope the X-rays that I will have on Monday show some healing in the right direction.

If my shin pain doesn’t stop, I am going to have to take a BT med. It is hurting really bad a 9 out of 10 pain, 10 being the worst. I wish I knew what caused this pain to be set off so I could avoid it. But the neuro and I think it is a spread of the CRPS. I probably have it in my shin bone. I just hope it doesn’t travel up my leg. I hope I have a bowel movement tomorrow. It’s been like 3 or 4 days that I have gone without one. I am starting to feel uncomfortable. I have been taking Miralax, yesterday I took a dose and a half to finish the bottle off and still nothing today. I just worry that when I do go, it will be colon blow time and I will have an accident.