Category Archives: Chronic pain

A day of rest yet still in pain

A day of rest yet still in pain

Yesterday I stayed in bed most of the day. I slept for the majority of the time. Both ankles were still hurting and my left foot/ankle was still swollen, though not as much. It really didn’t go down until late last night. I wanted to write a blog but after about an hour of just checking email and trying to remember my password for my book thing, I got tired and went back to sleep. I had every intention of writing a blog, it just never happened. I still am locked out of my book thing. I just tweeted to try and get help that way as you apparently need to log in to ask for help (that is useful when you can’t do so!)

Both ankles are still hurting me though not as much as they were. My left is worse than my right. I made a bacon sandwich but I couldn’t finish it. My appetite has been awful the past few days. I just am not hungry. Yesterday all I had was an egg sandwich and a protein bar. I didn’t feel like eating. I also haven’t been drinking though my bladder has been going. My kidneys are still functioning.

I had to call my dentist office because I received an explanation of benefits for Aug 3rd of this year. I haven’t been to the dentist since like January. They billed it wrong and got the wrong teeth on the thing so will have to redo it. It is from the work they did last year that they never billed. I had emailed my insurance but if they respond, I will let them know it is an error.

I’m still debating on changing my appointment with PT tomorrow. But I got to get out of the house. It will depend on my pain levels. Just making the bacon kind of caused more pain. I also went down to my sister’s to make coffee. I didn’t want to make it.

I got into the book thing. I was using the wrong email address. UGH. Having the same but different email accounts suck! I just hope I remember now. All that hassle for nothing. I emailed my PT saying that the exercises are painful as I am still sore. I tried to do them and my foot didn’t like it. Moving my foot up still hurts. I think it is still swollen. I have been taking ibuprofen to calm it down. I haven’t taken any today. Sucks when you need your lower body to walk and it hurts. My mother’s back is hurting her today. She is not using the walker to get around so that looks like a good sign. I still am nervous about her going up to her bedroom. I don’t think she is ready because she still has trouble on the stairs going into our apartment.

Swirl of Things Saturday Blog 15 Sept 18

Swirl of things Saturday Blog 15 Sept 18

If you are a daily reader, I apologize for not writing for a few days. I’ve been in a lot of pain and yesterday I had my cousin’s wedding. It went well. My ankle is still swollen from last night and I have the concert to go to tonight. I am wicked worried. But I don’t want a ticket to go to waste. I had some difficulty going to sleep and slept pretty hard when I finally did. Least until my damn med alarm went off at 7. I had changed the time because I was up early one morning and never changed it back. Dumb move. I fell back to sleep okay and thought I was going to sleep the day away. I really wanted to. But my bladder wouldn’t have it.

I got up and had coffee. Then my mother made grilled cheese for lunch. My sister wants to go to some Mexican restaurant where the concert will be so that should be fun. I love Mexican food. I am always up to trying new stuff. I know the burritos and stuff is so much different than Taco Bell, lol. I hope I won’t be in too much pain. I managed okay at the wedding with taking BT meds. I mostly drank water the whole night. I didn’t want soda. I did have one coke but that was it. I didn’t want to go to the bar. I took some pictures and when I showed them to my mother, she said I didn’t take a picture of the dress. I thought the person IN the dress was more important! She was absolutely beautiful. All my cousins were and my aunt, the mother of the bride. I talked with my cousin, the oldest sister of the bride. She looked stunning. Her hair was done up and she hated it. I liked it. We laughed about it. I took a picture with her. I really don’t have any pictures with them. It is something I regretted when my uncle died earlier this year so I when I am together with them, I try to take a picture. I didn’t much talk with the lunatic and she didn’t talk to me. I didn’t care. We sat at different tables. I was grateful. I did feel bad for my cousin’s wife who sat next to her as it looked like she was talking her ear off.

The ride home was a lot faster than getting there. There was a bunch of fog so we took it slow until we got to the highway. We couldn’t see more than two feet in front of us. My ankle was so done. We had this incline to get to the parking lot and I knew if I tried it, I was going to hurt so went down some stairs and walked to the car. It was better to be on level ground. The place was so beautiful. It was a castle and just majestic. I didn’t take any pictures. I didn’t think of it. Oh well.

I canceled my therapy appointment for Monday. I might have to reschedule my appointment with PT, depends on how I do tonight. I know I am bringing my cane with me. I didn’t wear the air cast for my sprain. It seems okay though it is kind of sore right now. I haven’t decided if I will wear it tonight. We will be leaving in a couple of hours. I want to shower but I know it will take some energy I will need tonight. I still have no idea what I am going to wear for a T shirt. I am in a white shirt right now but I am not wearing that out. I just wear white as an undershirt or for around the house.

The dress shirt I wore was perfect but I hated the things on my chest. It would have fit better if I didn’t have those fucking things. God, do I hate them. Makes me want to get a sharp knife and cut them off. I am scared that if I ever did do it, the surgeon would reattach the things. That would piss me off! I just got to wait for top surgery, which is so fucking long!!

Humidity is going to be ugly today. I really, really, really cannot wait for a temp of 70 or so without fucking humidity!! But summer isn’t over yet and then we’ll probably have an Indian summer so AC stays in! It probably will stay until November. I think I took it out the beginning of Dec last year. I didn’t use it for a month but the colder weather started so I needed to out to keep my room warm. That is when I broke my screen. Oops. I have fixed it though. My brother in law will put it in when he takes it out. I tried putting the sucker in, but my arms are too short to really reach where it needs to go. I also don’t have the strength to do it. It is not as easy as I thought it was going to be. I am debating on having my brother in law take it out of my room or not. I really want a new AC for next year. I am saving up for it now. I have about 6 months to save and I think I can do it, if I don’t get impulsive or have my painsomnia spending sprees. That was kind of crazy. I am glad they have stopped since I am on the new meds.

I might write tomorrow but not sure. Depends on how I feel. Hopefully I won’t be in horrible pain the next few days. But I planned a few rest days so hopefully that will help.

three hour evaluations

Three hour evaluations

I had my three 1 hour evaluations today for the pain program. First one was with the social worker. Think I gave too much information about my suicidal history than I would have liked. I did have a teaching moment where I told her “safety contracts” were shit and safety planning was in. She wrote down all that I wrote so I hope she looks it up and it benefits her.

Then I met with the occupational therapist. He was good. Told me to use “wet” heat more, like on a daily basis to try and reduce flares. Yea, cause I know when they are going to happen. I liked the idea though. He was the only part of the three hour ordeal where I didn’t feel threatened.

The last hour, or should I say half hour, was with a physical therapist. I hated this so much. And it upset me more. She had me dorsiflex my foot and when I did so, immediately said I didn’t need the AFO. WTF I am so damn tired of fighting to wear this brace. I probably don’t need it but I know me and how I am when I am out. The last fucking thing I want to do when I am tired after an appointment or other reason I am out and about is drag my leg because my ankle went out or my ankle is too fatigued it can’t flex anymore. I explained this and I got a “yes, I understand”. No you don’t you bitch! You don’t live my life. These people deal with chronic pain patients and this is the attitudes they get? Seriously?? I honestly don’t care if I get into the program or not. I have enough to deal with mentally than deal with the so called professionals who think they know what chronic pain is like when they have never experienced it. I hope they don’t because they are in for a shock when they do.

This PT also said my hips are tight. Yes, I know. Four fucking back surgeries will do that. I also don’t have a curved spine in the lumbar region. I know, it’s more like a question mark than an “S”. So basically my ankle/foot are fine and my hip muscles are tight. I don’t get what she wanted from me, maybe more pain. I don’t know. She said one of my PT evals had my fexion as a zero and today it is a 5. I told her it all depends on the day. I am sure if I saw her now, I wouldn’t have the same results. Or if I had been walking more to get to the office (not wearing my AFO, for example). Then she harped on the right ankle. It will get better, though I am not sure what will happen as they have me going for my left ankle/foot not my right. I am just so disgusted and frustrated.

I asked if I can continue seeing my PT and I could until the people I saw today met and discussed if I was suitable for the program and to work out what treatment plan will happen. It will take a few weeks. I told her I have problems remembering the exercises my PT gives me, even though she gives me a sheet so she marked my memory with a question mark. Okay. I do have trouble remembering something I saw for five minutes and then didn’t have to work on until the next day. I didn’t do any PT today and not going to as I am exhausted. I thought I would be able to make a taco tater tot casserole but I don’t know what I was thinking. I had to rest when I came home and then I just collapsed. I couldn’t move anymore. My foot and ankle started barking at me.

I am debating on keeping an eye on the Sox game or just going to bed. Today if they win, it will be their 100th. I kind of want to stick around for it but I am just so wiped out that I don’t think I can. I just turned on my AC and turned it up to 74. I need air in my room as it is stuffy but it’s kind of cool out. My cheeks are burning up, they are so hot. I need to get a dehumidifier. Cool days like this I can smell the drywall. I hope I don’t have mold. That would be one expensive job to remove it and my mother would freak.

just another busy day with PT

Just another busy day with PT

I didn’t get much sleep last night. My feet got cold as the temps were chilly. Then they warmed up after wearing thermal socks. I took them off and OMG my foot went berserk. It felt like a knife was cutting an arc in my foot. It took several hours for it to settle for me to sleep. I also had anxiety. I tried reading and it kind of helped to take my mind off the pain. The book is almost done. I had about 60 pages to go when I read a couple more chapters before shutting off the light. When my alarm went off at 630, I was in a pissy mood. I didn’t want to get up. I snoozed the alarm and then realized I didn’t give myself too much time for snoozing. I really had to leave the house at 7 to get to my appointment on time.

I got up and brushed my teeth. I took my meds and got dressed. I was kind of rushing as it was now after 7 and I wasn’t sure what the buses were running as I was going in the opposite direction today. I got to the station and waited for a bus that would take me where I needed to go but I was getting impatient to took the train to the station closest to the PT office. I still had to wait for a bus. I just wanted coffee and maybe something to eat at that point. My PT was running late so I got some time to finish my coffee. She had computer problems so was running late. We chatted and then she worked on my ankle, which had already started hurting soon as I left the house. She was easy with me. I have no idea what she was doing. She asked if I did the exercises and I just said I was tired, like leave me alone and can I go home now? I was so cranky.

I got home without incident. It was still early. Plan was nap, eat something, do laundry. My phone kept interrupting my nap so I silenced it. Then my sister called. I missed it because it was on silent. I called her back and she asked where my mother was. I said she was out. It was close to when my niece would be coming home so I told her I would let her in and I went downstairs. I made bacon, though it didn’t look so good. It tasted okay and I don’t feel sick so I think I am okay. I really didn’t feel like opening the other package. I wanted to shower before I started the clothes. My mother came home and her sugar was low. My sister was with her so got her juice. It wasn’t horribly low, just under a hundred. The juice would be okay. Then she ate a banana. I felt better about that.

I put the groceries away though I didn’t feel like it. She bought a crap load of eggs and four (4) cases of tomatoes because they were on sale. Italians. What can you do? After I did all that, I went upstairs to grab a change of clothes so I could shower. It would prove worthless as it was too humid. I was so damn hot. I forgot to put the cold air on. I just went up to my room to cool off. I just ate so I didn’t want dinner. I might have some of my cake. I really want to make a taco tater tot casserole but I really don’t want to clean up. I will try and get up early tomorrow so I can make it before my appointments. Least if I make it, I will have dinner after all my appointments tomorrow.

Feeling lifeless again with jelly legs

Feeling lifeless again with jelly legs

I woke up in the middle of the night again. I can’t remember what for. I just know it disrupted my sleep. I woke up a little before my med alarm and kind of just laid there until it went off. I just didn’t want to get up. By the time the alarm went off. My bladder was saying hurry up so I was forced to get up. My bowels seemed to awakened too, so that was a good sign after almost four days of not going. Afterwards I brushed my teeth and hoped I wouldn’t puke as the post nasal drip started. I was just miserable with allergies in the morning. I think because the pollen is in the screens I just need a whiff for it to send my histamine crazy. When the weather is cooler, I just will hose them off. Be easier than washing them in the sink.

I didn’t want to get dressed, much less go to the pharmacy to straighten out my medication issue. I talked with the girl who has her shit together and is really helpful. I told her about this weekend and she said she would pass it along to the manager as she wasn’t in yet. I really hope my pain medication do not become an issue every month because people can’t read or look something up in the computer. I only use the one pharmacy (like I am supposed to with my pain contract). I really don’t want to have to go to another one only because of convenience.

After that, I went to the bus stop and my cousin came by. Sweet! I got a ride to the Square. I was still feeling pretty shitty. I didn’t make the espresso right as the barista put too much ice in the cup. I was too tired to do anything about it. I figured I would drink it anyway but the allergies were making me sick. I had a bagel and some of the espresso. Then I just zoned out. I didn’t feel like writing. I hardly touched my drink. I just sat there, staring out to the street watching cars parallel park and a smoker sit and then stand because he was an idiot. He sat in front of a door and people kept coming out. You would think after the third time, just stand but nope, down he went again. Idiot.

I left to go to the station. I had to use the bathroom anyway and I don’t like Starbucks. They are kind of claustrophobic to me. I left early but just got to my therapist’s office within minutes of the appointment. Fricken bus was late. I would have walked but I felt too shitty. Now I had to wait till after session to use the bathroom. I talked about things that were stupid. Nothing really of importance. I told him about the fight I had with my sister calling me rude. And about work. I miss work, sort of. I don’t miss the docs and nurses yelling at me. That part can take a hike. But there were some nurses who were nice and appreciative of going out of my way to help them, if I could. I did that for some, not all. Some times the floor would call like three times and get three different people who gave different answers. That would annoy me and frustrate the floor, which I don’t blame them, especially when it was a sick patient who was a hard stick.

I then walked home. I tried doing it all in one shot but it didn’t work. I got to city hall and had to stop. I made a phone call to the LGBT clinic for the testosterone therapy. I couldn’t get through. I walked the rest of the way then went down the stairs slowly. I caught the bus home. My ankle was killing me. Felt like the bone was ready to pop off. I hate when it gets that way. I had take a BT med after therapy. I finally reached home and was more exhausted than ever. My legs felt like they were going to collapse on me at any minute. I did some PT exercises at Starbucks but not everything. I haven’t been doing them and my PT is going to yell at me. I am getting frustrated with myself because I just can’t keep up with everything. And this week is really busy. I need to kind of chill because of the wedding and concert. I am going to be so sore come Sunday. I probably should cancel therapy for that Monday as I know I am probably going to need another day of rest. I want to see how the wedding goes. Then I will decide.

I didn’t stay up to hear if the Sox won or lost last night. They won. Their 98th win of the season. They still have 18 games left in the season so I think they are going to have more than 100 wins. I am really excited about this because this will be the first time in my lifetime the Sox win 100 or more games. I am so happy for them. Just hope the Sept curse isn’t upon them where they implode. Will really suck if they just have the wild card game because they play badly. They will be playing tough teams so we’ll see. They are off tonight as the Jays are coming into Boston. Jays have been eliminated from playoffs. The AL Central has three teams that have been eliminated. I forget who is left. Going to be exciting either way. It all comes down to these games. Can’t believe it is already September.