Day of studying
I had interrupted sleep and wanted to sleep later but workers came to do stuff around the house and they were fucking loud. I got up around 10. I took my shot as today was T day. Tomorrow will be my migraine med. I hate that shot more than my T because it hurts while injecting.
I had no idea what to eat so I ordered something I haven’t had in a while. I wanted to do my school work in my room but by the time I finished lunch, the workers had decided to work on my side of the house and I couldn’t concentrate. I went down to the kitchen where it was somewhat more quieter. I did the two chapters. It took me nearly two hours to do. There was a lot of words with lengthy definitions. I hope I remember them all. The prof has posted keys to exams and quizzes. I will go over them this weekend. He still hasn’t posted grades for exam 3 yet. I am anxiously waiting for it as I decide to take the final or not. It is optional. It will either improve my grade or keep it the same. I emailed the prof to see if my grade is what I think it is (B-). I have extra credit so I am hoping to at least get up to a B but it all depends on exam 3 grades. Exam 4 is next week. I don’t know if grades will be posted before the final.
I had sent a message to my therapist saying I was in therapy because of chronic depression. She then asked what did I want to do about it as I had “options”. I am so tired of this narrative. Like, every other month she asks what am I doing in therapy. I am tired. I feel like I shouldn’t have to justify why I need it. Makes me want to cancel our appointment and just not make a new one. I see my new case manager Friday. Maybe she can help me with therapy. I am kind of stressed to the point where I am thinking about ending things again and nothing really triggered it. I just had a vague thought and it morphed into why the fuck not. I don’t feel like I am good enough. I know my therapist triggers my PTSD at times. And I really think she doesn’t understand trauma at all.
I wanted to shower today but never got around to it. I ate ice cream for my dinner. I hope to shower tomorrow before I leave for class. I won’t be able to shave unless I get up early. Getting up when my med alarm goes off at 9 has been a challenge. I tried formatting my book today and found that 60 pages are gone. Ugh. I am not sure how the book looks. I got to go through it, page by page to see how the format took. I might be able to add in a few pages but not 60. I feel defeated as I worked so hard on this and it isn’t even 100 pages long. I will go through it this weekend. I need to concentrate on my exam and potentially my final.
midnightdemons7 